February 2019 – Page 2 – Andrea Arthur Owan

How to Change Your Defects: Part 1

If you’re a Jesus-follower, you know God is in the defect-correcting business. At least you know it intellectually. Enjoying that experience is often elusive, though, because we aren’t always interested—or determined enough—to cooperate with God in His change process.

Or really believe and grab hold of His promise that He can do it.

What does God have to say about defect changing?

One of the most well known Scripture passages that addresses this issue is Romans 12:1-2.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (NIV).

I love the way Eugene Peterson said it in The Message:

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you. Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

Let’s turn these passages into defect-changing bullet points.

God is merciful.
Our bodies are important to Him.
Offering our bodies (that includes our mind) to Him is an act of worship.
Thoughts determine our feelings, and feelings often determine our actions.
We get ourselves into trouble when we allow the world to conform and mold us.
Our mind is the problem—if we want change, we need to start there. We often forget that our mind is a part of our body.
In order to change, our mind needs renewing.
In order for us to know God’s will for our lives, we must have renewed minds. No way around it.

Changing your defects sounds so basic, but it’s so difficult. Why?

The world and its forces are powerful. They don’t take kindly to people that push back against the status quo or current thought wave. We war against the principalities of darkness.

And we war against ourselves, our old, defect-laden nature. It’s hard to fight against yourself. It’s always much easier to give in, at least initially. Then it becomes something like feeding and satisfying the beast, and we find ourselves venturing down a road of darkness and perpetual frustration, anger, and sadness.

NEXT WEEK, we’re going to delve into the processes we need to go through to rid ourselves of those defects and effectively change. But for this week, I invite you to prepare.

Focus on your feelings, how you react emotionally to triggers or life events.

And then note your behavior. What is your autopilot fallback response to those feelings?

Is it anger, yelling, withdrawal, self-harm, eating, avoidance, giving in, shaming or shunning someone?

Behavioral psychologists often recommend that you write these feelings and responses down, so you get a better handle on what causes or triggers you to behave the way you do. It’s like writing down an, if this (happens), then that (happens) chart. I suspect you’ll find it eye-opening.

Then we’ll come back together next week to focus on the steps we need to take to change our defective behaviors, one defect at a time!

Until then, do some mind and feeling exploration. No blaming; just noting.

And remember, God is merciful!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How Do Genes and Gut Bacteria Affect Weight Loss?

My ninety-seven year old mother is decidedly opinionated about seriously overweight people.

“How can they let themselves get like that?” she laments while shaking her head and cruising along with her walker.

Sounds terribly judgmental, doesn’t it?

Yet scientists are proving there is an undercurrent of truth to that sentiment. A strong undercurrent.

Research indicates that the majority of the obese people in our country—40% of us fall into that category—didn’t get there by having bad or “fat genes.” On the contrary, evidently genes account for only 3% of the differences in people’s sizes.

Most overweight strugglers got that way for a variety of other reasons than genes:

Learning how to and eating the wrong foods. (Family habits.)
Learning how to and eating too much food. (Family habits.)
Not exercising enough.

And now scientists know other variables play into the problem. Things like:

Not enough sleep.
Too much stress.
Wrong kind of stress.
Socioeconomic status.
Mental health.
Daily responsibilities at work and home.
The health of your microbiome—your gut bacteria.
Kitchen smarts and comfort—knowing how to cook and being comfortable preparing meals.

And I would add another variable:

Spiritual health.

So the verdict is in:

Experts agree that genes alone do not explain the rapid rise in obesity we’re seeing today.

National Institutes of Health (NIH) scientist, Kevin Hall, laments the fact that scientists still don’t know why weight loss can vary so much from person-to-person when they’re all on the same diet. He says it’s the biggest open question in the field.

What if you do have a “fat gene”?

It might seem easy to fall back on the knowledge of having a “fat gene” as a good excuse for not being able to lose and maintain a healthy weight. But John Mathers, a professor of human nutrition at Newcastle University in England sites a study of 9,000 people that found that being a fat gene carrier had no influence on that person’s ability to lose weight. Mathers says,

“Carrying the high-risk form of the gene makes you more likely to be a bit heavier, but it shouldn’t prevent you from losing weight”

(Sifferlin, Alexandra. “Why Your Diet Isn’t Working and What to do What It” The Science of Weight Loss: Special Time Edition, 2019; page 16).

What about that microbiome—the gut bacteria?

Researchers for the Personalized Nutrition Project at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel have been studying how gut bacteria may play a role in weight loss and maintenance. Their researchis fascinating.

In a nutshell, they found that blood sugar levels vary widely among people after they ate the exact same meal. That finding alone debunks the common and popular idea of everyone responding identically to the same diet recommendations.

And they were able to go further. They developed a mathematical algorithm for every person involved in the test trial, and that algorithm can accurately predict that person’s blood sugar response to a specific food just on the basis of their personal microbiome!

Knowing that could be the next frontier in weight loss prescription—your doctor being able to design a tailor-made diet plan, just for you and your body!

Another big contributor to weight gain and weight loss struggles are…

Chemicals.

Yup. Chemicals we’re exposed to in our daily lives. Chemicals like:

BPA found in canned goods lining
Cash-register receipts
Flame retardant material in sofas and mattresses and children’s clothing
Pesticide residue on our food
Phthalates in plastics (think water bottles and food storage containers) and the makeup we wear

What’s wrong with these chemicals and how do they factor into obesity?

These chemicals are able to mimic human hormones. And that leads scientists to believe they can, and are, wreaking havoc on our endocrine systems. They’ve been found in human breast milk. And some doctors believe it’s what contributing to children experiencing puberty at younger ages.

Some doctors are going so far as placing this chemical-endocrine danger as the third lynch pin—along with poor diet and lack of exercise—in the trilogy of weight loss obstructers and obesity epidemic contributors.

Case Study—

I’d like to pin my current overweightness (not yet in the obese category) on a lot of things, including my slowing hormones. But when I take an honest look at my current lifestyle, it’s a far cry from what it was even two years ago, when I exercised regularly and paid closer attention to what I ate.

Although I’m eating healthier now than I did then, I’m eating more and burning off less. I had started sitting at my computer too much and stopped going to the gym regularly, all while continuing to consume the same number of calories I did when much more active.

I’d like to blame it on my slowing hormones, too, but first I’m ramping up my exercise again, before rushing off to my doctor for a thyroid test. I want to see if increasing my muscle mass will improve my metabolism to a point where the weight loss is regular and a healthy weight obtainable and manageable.

And because I’m getting older, I know my daily calorie requirements are dropping, so I need to take an honest look at what I’m packing in and when. And I’ve been accumulating sleep data, courtesy of the cool fit watch my younger son gave me for Christmas. From that I’ve determined I do best with 8 ½ hours of sleep. And, surprisingly, I seem to get more and better sleep when I go to bed later and rise a little later than an early bird.

Maybe that’s how my clock is wired, to be a night owl, even though I do on occasion enjoy waking up early enough to see the sunrise. Maybe not on a regular basis, though. So, I adjust to my personal biorhythms. Thankfully, I can do that since I’m self-employed. My poor husband—who definitely leans toward night owlness—doesn’t have that luxury.

Another thing that helps me immensely in getting adequate, restful sleep is shutting down all of the tech appliances well before bedtime. An hour is best, but I’m aiming for longer time between computer/phone/tablet and lights out. I find my sleep switch starts kicking in earlier and gradually ramps up the melatonin production in preparation for bed.

And one last thing I watch is how much food I eat for dinner and what time my last meal is. If my last meal is at 3-4 hours prior to bedtime, I sleep better. And if I consume my last glass of water 3 hours before going to bed, I’m less likely to be awakened by bladder pressure screaming its needs in the middle of a good dream!

As the long-living Seventh Day Adventists say, “Eat like a king at breakfast, a prince at lunch, and a pauper for dinner. It’s great advice!

NEXT WEEK, we’ll take a closer look at this Keto diet craze and the benefits of food restriction or fasting a couple of days a week.

Until then, take heart! You don’t have to be stuck in your unhealthy weight mode. Perseverance and consistency can get you where you want to be—healthy!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Conquer Your Personal Defects

Do you have any nagging bad habits—character defects—you just can’t seem to get a handle on or conquer, in spite of all your efforts?

Maybe they’re defects (imperfections, sins, weaknesses, faults, flaws, deficiencies, shortcomings, inadequacies) you’ve decided to blame on your genes or behaviors your parents or parents’ parents have passed down to you.

Or perhaps you point your finger at your present or past circumstances—poor home nurturing while you were growing up, bad marriage, or just bad luck.

But what about those choices we make that undermine our physical, emotional and spiritual health? How do those fit into the puzzle, and what can we do about them?

Why are defects so hard to get ride of or conquer?

We moan and groan and cry out to God—sometimes repeatedly—to fix us, for Him to snap His mighty fingers and make all of the problems and issues go away.

But it often doesn’t happen. Why is that? Why do our defects seem to cling to us like sticky paper clings to our fingers? Several reasons come to mind:

We have the defects so long that they’ve become a part of us and morphed into nearly unbreakable habits.

Defects are also hard to conquer because we’ve learned to identify with them, and they’ve become comfortable parts of us.

“Oh, no, Andrea,” you say. “I don’t want it to be part of me!”

But maybe you do.

Think about how often you use your defect to define yourself. You say to yourself Well, that’s just the way I am. Or you talk about yourself as being an impatient or anxious person; a partier that loves to socialize and have fun with the crowd. Or you mask your controlling nature by saying you’re organized and just want to make sure things get done the right way.

You see an 80-hour workweek as a badge of productivity, although, if you’re honest, you were really pretty busy but not very productive.

How much do you identify with your defect? The more you identify with it, the more likely it is that your life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ve conditioned your brain, and your behavior, to automatically default to the defect because it’s comfortable and familiar. It’s easier to go along than it is to combat it.

Sometimes we hang onto our defects because they give us big payoffs.

One benefit of leaning on your defect may be that you can use it to avoid responsibility. For example, procrastination allows us to get out of things we didn’t want to do in the first place.

Defects can also get us the attention we desire. Having temper tantrums that make others walk around on eggshells gets attention. People will tend to try to placate you rather than go to battle with you.

What’s the down side to that? Those people don’t want to spend time with you, so they do everything they can to make sure they avoid you or make minimal contact with you.

They can also get us sympathy. Know anyone that likes to brag about their problems, the load they continue to carry around with them you know they could drop if they wanted to?

Another benefit of a defect is using it as an excuse to fail.

I remember when I was in 7^th grade, struggling in a math class. I got a C one quarter and went to my mom to break the bad news. (I’d always managed to do fairly well in math up until that point.) I was fearful she’d reprimand me. But that didn’t happen. Instead, she gave me a response that would plague me the rest of my life:

“Oh, that’s okay. I wasn’t very good in math either.”

And that was it—a “fact” I glommed onto as my own fate. After all, I was born with “bad math” genes, so why work harder or expect more from myself? The instant relief I felt was wonderful. The long-range results, not so good.

Years later, in late high school and college, I learned that my “bad math” genes could be rectified with harder, more concentrated labor and maybe some tutoring. But by then the damage had been done. I still told myself I just wasn’t very good at math. And I t stifled my career choices and academic success.

That doesn’t mean I could have been an engineer or physicist. But who knows? If I had been given a more positive, constructive response, I might have overcome and excelled in math.

Another problem we have shedding our defects is that we buy into the accusations the Deceiver whispers in our ears.

We just know we’re failures; that we can’t be helped; that we’ll never change, in spite of God saying that we can. And then we wallow around in grief over our plight and failures.

So who do you think is right? Who are you willing to put your trust in on this one?

Solutions to conquering our defects—

There are ways to combat our defects. Successful ways. And in the six weeks we’re going to look at ways to combat and conquer! Ways that will remake and reshape us. Ways that will renew our minds and behaviors.

Fair warning: some of the ways might be tough. But be assured, God is in the change and makeover business, and He stands by willing and able to help us succeed.

Preparing for next week—

As you look forward to next week’s blog post, I encourage you to take inventory on your defects, the things you’d like to change. The things you’re ready to change. Pray for God to reveal them to you. Write them down. Pray over them. And prepare for the work we’ll be doing this month.

Until then,

decide in your heart, and with your actions and words, that you’re going to stop making excuses for yourself or your family or circumstances and head out on the path of change. The path that will give you a more abundant and satisfying life!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

Do Soul Mates Exist?

Well, it’s that time of year again, the month we in the U.S. celebrate love and romance. Everywhere you look and every store you enter has red and white heart displays, monstrous boxes of special chocolates, or reminders—and enticements—to buy that special someone a gift for the BIG day—February 14.

Saint Valentine’s Day.

One day a year where we’re encouraged to celebrate and honor our sweethearts. Our soul mates.

But what if you don’t have a special “sweetheart?” That special “someone” you can toast and dine with by candlelight?

Then why not choose to celebrate a different type of soul mate? A special someone who has connected with your soul, like your BFF. Maybe a best girl or guy friend you can thank for being so special to you.

Who’s your soul mate?

Guideposts recently explored the question of soul mates in their Big Question section of their Mysterious Ways publication. The question?

Do soul mates exist?

Here are some of the answers they found:

Dr. Joe Beam, author of The Art of Falling in Love offers some interesting–and good—advice for those still looking and pining for that special someone to spend the rest of their lives with.

“There is no indication that God made just one person for you. The whole concept that there is one person who is absolutely perfect sets up impossible expectations. It’s up to us to pray, to expect God to be involved in this process, but also to use our own judgment and wisdom and to look for a person that we can commit to for life.”

Stephen Cope, author of Soul Friends believes soul mates absolutely do exist.

“Though it’s not helpful to think about them as necessarily romantic relationships, or as happening only once in a lifetime. Soul mates are that handful of people with whom we connect profoundly, deeply, magically, even mystically—over the course of a lifetime.”

Dr. Paulette Sherman, psychologist and author of Facebook Dating: From First Date to Soul Mate says,

“Soul mates exist, whether they are predestined or are forged in this life. They bring out one another’s potential and also mirror one another’s unhealed places so that they can grow. Often together soul mates achieve their higher purpose and better the world.”

I can relate to her statement. Both my husband and I came to our relationship heavily laden with hurtful baggage—dysfunctional family units that caused a lot of identified and unidentified issues, which have slowly (and sometimes painfully) been exposed and rectified over the years.

While we have, unfortunately, hurt one another during the course of our 38-year relationship, we have also grown and healed together. We have held and walked one another through some painful realizations and events. He is my greatest and most loving support; and I am his. We truly have brought out one another’s potential and mirrored one another’s unhealed places so that we can grow!

Pastor and author Justin Buzzard (Date Your Wife) believes:

“Your ultimate soul mate is God, not another human being. Only God can meet you at that deep soul level. Once you discover that, you open yourself up to having a soul mate on earth. You become more able to connect on an incredibly close level with another person.”

Rabbi Deborah K. Bravo talks about the Judaic soul mate concept.

“In Judaism, there is a concept that people have a b’shert, one person with whom they are meant to spend their life. Many believe that your b’shert is destined, but it can also be the right person you meet at the right place and time in your life.”

Finally, Rick Hamlin, Guideposts Senior Contributing Editor and author of Pray for Me, absolutely believes soul mates exist.

“Yes! My wife and I were friends a long while before we discovered we were soul mates—that couldn’t have happened without the divine. There’s no reason why good friends can’t be soul mates too. Think of David and Jonathan. ‘…the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul’ (1 Samuel 18:1). The word soul is used here for a reason.”

I can so relate to Rick’s assessment.

Chris and I were friends before it hit me that we were soul mates. And it was a hard hit. A shot from heaven struck into my heart. In a split second, my attitude toward him changed from friend to “Wow! I really LIKE this guy!” And by like I mean that my heart pounded and my hands jittered at his nearness. In one fell swoop. We’d known one another for a year before that smack-between-the-eyes event. Thirty-five married years later, I can attest to that not being a mistake.

But I can also list a number of close friends I would tally up in the soul mate column. We are friends who have knit-together hearts. There is an otherworldly closeness we enjoy, an uncanny intimacy we share.

While girls tend to drift this way, it’s also critical for men to have guy friends like this. Men they can talk to man-to-man. Men who understand things about men that a woman never can.

Those are soul mates.

And we can celebrate those relationships this month too!

Your soul mate stories—

Do you have any soul mate stories to tell? I’d love to hear them!

Until March 1, when I’ll be undergoing arthroscopy and meniscus repair on my right knee, enjoy celebrating soul mates and love!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien