Ascension Day: The Antidote to Post-Resurrection Letdown

I’ll begin this post as I did the last one: I’m sure most, if not all of you have experienced what I’m experiencing right now: a feeling of hanging in limbo. As though you’re unsure of your next move and have difficulty planning your days.

Then I listed some reasons why that could be happening and expanded on the stress and sadness our family is experiencing with my mother’s decline in health and her journey toward the end of her earthly days.

And that was before I was blindsided (the day following the post release) that the memory care home where my mother lives will be closing its doors at the end of this month. That means finding a new place for my mom, at a time in her life that another transition will be very difficult.

Thankfully, God in His infinite goodness found another place for my mom, through my mother’s primary caregiver. We’ve moved her this last Friday.

But the stress of calling hospice and her nurse practitioner and new nurse and making sure that’s all coordinated has added to the blah feelings; and, I am sure, at this point, that I’m dealing with some sadness and depression.

Grief.

 

And that just amplifies what I was already experiencing.

Post-Easter letdown.

Which really doesn’t need to happen.

The emotional, spiritual, and often physical investment of the forty days of Lent, Holy Week, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and then the rousing celebrating on Easter Sunday can result in a kind of letdown feeling. As though it all happened, and now it’s over, and a feeling of “what now?” niggles your spirit.

But should I really be experiencing that post-Easter letdown? If I’m experiencing it, I can only imagine what Jesus’ disciples were experiencing on an order of magnitude greater than my doldrums.

But if we look at what happened after the Resurrection, which we started to explore on April 19 post, we see that there was a lot happening between Jesus and His disciples. It didn’t happen the way we often envision it to have transpired.

And that’s where we’re headed in this post. On an eavesdropping and sightseeing walk with Jesus and His followers. Experiencing the far-flung emotions they experienced—the shock, dismay, wonder, giddy joy and thrill of their encounters and the final goodbye that drove them to praise and worship their risen Lord.

As we walk with them, we’ll better understand just how generous and loving and patient and kind our Savior truly is toward us. Then, and now.

 

And once we understand and appreciate that, we’ll also experience that wonder, thrill and praise-filled joy ourselves.

 

What transpired with the disciples between Jesus’ death and resurrection?

 As far as we can discern from the four Gospel accounts of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, we get a picture of a terrified group of disciples in mourning. Hidden away in abject fear of the Roman authorities and Jewish leaders, who the disciples believe will be tracking them down and crucifying them too. The Garden of Gethsemane shows them running, after Peter cuts off a temple guard’s ear when trying to defend Jesus. Once Jesus is arrested and taken away, the disciples make a getaway.

But at some point Peter and John follow the group. (I can see them trying to follow the crowd, undetected, in the night.) Because John knows someone there, they gain entry to the Jewish trial proceedings and eavesdrop on that event. That’s where Peter is when he’s accused by a servant girl of being one of Jesus’ followers and does what he swore he’d never do: deny knowing Jesus. And Jesus hears him do it.

Scripture tells us that Peter ran away and wept. Probably bitterly.

John must have stuck around for the proceedings, though, because we get some great details about what transpired. And he seems to be the only one of the twelve that has the nerve to follow Jesus to Golgotha and stand beside the wailing women to watch the crucifixion and Jesus’ death.

Judas goes out in the field to commit suicide over his betrayal of Jesus.

The women disciples, always faithful and seemingly unafraid, station themselves at the cross to be with their Lord and mourn.

After Jesus’ death, two Jewish leaders—secret followers of Jesus—step forward to bury Him in the tomb.

And then the Scriptures are silent on what’s transpiring for three days, although we do know that on the morning of the Resurrection, ten of the remaining followers are assembled together. I can imagine what’s going through their minds.

Agony.

Heartbreak.

Grief.

Disillusionment.

Terror.

Dread.

 

A what-are-we-going-to-do-now feeling.

Things didn’t go quite according to their plan. Jesus didn’t fulfill all of their hopes and dreams—of conquering the Romans and freeing the Jews from oppression. He didn’t do the conquering king thing, as they expected.

They left their livelihoods and families and dedicated three solid years of their lives to following Jesus, being taught by Jesus, watching Him work, heal, preach, and pray. Now, in one devastating twenty-fours, it’s over.

They’re demoralized, devastated.

And scared to death.

 

Ever feel like that? When all of your hopes and dreams, all you’d worked for abruptly ended, and you couldn’t see past your pain, fear and disillusionment to think straight. To trust that all is going according to plan or will be worked out.

It’s a sick to the pit of your stomach feeling that sucks the life out of you.

But bless Jesus’ always-perceptive, loving heart. He knows this anguish, and He spends forty days after the resurrection appearing to, speaking with, eating with, walking with and still teaching His followers.

And forgiving them.

 

What transpires during that forty days following the Resurrection?
  1. The first thing that happens is Jesus appearing to Mary Magdalene, who has gone with the other women followers to finish the anointing of Jesus’ body that they couldn’t do on Friday due to the approaching Sabbath, when all work was to cease for twenty-four hours.

Can you imagine this woman’s joy when she sees her Lord again? Pause for a moment and consider what might go through your heart and mind if you were in her shoes.

Shock?

Bewilderment?

Inexpressible joy?

Clearly, she and the other women are so excited that they hurry to find the other disciples, to let them know what they’ve heard and seen. And what do the eleven men think?

Unbelief. Because “[the women’s] words seem to them like nonsense.”

I can imagine the yelling and likely arguing that ensued. The anger at not being believed. The chastising and ridicule for such “nonsense” being spoken.

Ever have a heated discussion with someone that doesn’t believe you, or just dismisses what you have to say? It’s more than irritating. You feel patronized and belittled. It’s a horrible feeling.

But Peter and John must have a suspicion that what the women’s report has some merit, because they run to the tomb and take a look for themselves. Luke’s Gospel doesn’t say that what Peter sees immediately convinces him; it says he “wonders what has happened.”

 

  1. The next thing Luke recounts is that road to Emmaus encounter with two followers. The one we covered in the last post. Jesus teaches and opens their eyes to what the Scriptures prophesied about Him, reveals Himself to them, and then splits. Disappears, actually.

The two men are so overjoyed that they run seven miles back from where they had just come to tell the other disciples, who are likely chattering up a storm about the recent developments.

Can you imagine the two beating on the door to be let in and then busting out with what they experienced? How could you possibly contain yourself? The scene is likely happy chaos and breathless reporting.

 

  1. But before they can get out their fabulous story, the disciples burst out with their own revelation: “It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon.”

So somewhere in that time frame on that Resurrection Day, between the appearing and disappearing, Jesus has appeared to Simon Peter. Alone. And if you know your Bible stories well, you can guess—or already know—why Jesus must have done that.

With his denial, Simon had sinned grievously against his friend and Lord. Scripture is clear that he mourned his sin. Can you imagine doing this to your best friend and then having to live with the agony of regret for the rest of your life?

In God’s mercy, He doesn’t allow Peter to suffer. I don’t know what the conversation was; it was a very private interaction. Scripture doesn’t elaborate, but I can imagine.

Peter is likely shamefaced when Jesus appears to Him. Maybe he falls at Jesus’ feet, weeping once again. Maybe he collapses into Jesus’ arms. Maybe he begs for Jesus’ forgiveness.

Whatever happens, we know that Jesus forgives him. And their relationship is fully restored. And there’s nothing quite like a restored precious friendship.

And that’s exactly what happens to us when we repent to Jesus. When we acknowledge our sins and ask God to forgive us. He’s faithful and just to forgive them. Now. Just as He’s been doing for thousands of years.

What relief and joy Peter must have experienced at the restitution. Can you relate?

You feel clean, restored, refreshed. Your heart is unburdened. Life again has meaning and purpose.

 

  1. Then, while the Eleven and the other disciples are chattering about all that has happened, Jesus appears. Just shows up. No knocking on the door to be let in. He just materializes and gives them a familiar greeting, “Peace be with you.”

And wouldn’t you know it, even though Mary and Peter and those two Emmaus guys have already seen Him, Luke says, “They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost.”

Maybe Mary and the women, and the Emmaus walkers and Peter weren’t startled, but I suspect they were. At least a little bit.

How could they not be? While Jesus is real flesh and bone, clearly something remarkable has happened to Him to allow Him to come and go in an instant, to appear and disappear.

Have you ever experienced something that seemed just too good to be true? Something you saw or experienced with your own senses, but you kept second-guessing yourself? You just couldn’t get over the fact that it happened.

Imagine seeing a once bloodied, broken and dead body come back to life, and you get the idea. And who can blame them? I’m sure Jesus’ ability to just come and go like that took some getting used to.

But Jesus gently chides them when He says, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.”

Jesus provides proof. The nail holes haven’t disappeared. The lance-caused side wound remains. He actually invites them to look and touch and see. To be convinced.

To fully believe.

But, because they’re so overcome with joy (Wow! It’s really Him, isn’t it?); and amazed (How could He really be alive and back in our midst?!), they still aren’t fully convinced. Meaning, they probably wouldn’t stake their lives on it as they eventually end up doing.

Again, in His love and patience, Jesus asks, “Do you have anything to eat?” When they provide him with a piece of boiled fish, He took it and ate it right there in front of them. To further prove his flesh-and-bones existence.

 

  1. Jesus reiterates to them that He told them all about this when He was with them those three years—the prophecies about Him in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms. He opens their minds to understand all that’s been written. He says,

“This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sin will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things.”

 

And then he gives them another promise, and directions:

 

“I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.”

 

Power from on high? Who wouldn’t want to stick around for that!

 

Is there more in the forty days after the Resurrection?

In order to learn more about what transpires in those forty days, we need to jump over to the Book of Acts, where Dr. Luke expounds on the story.

In chapter 1 we read:

 

“After his suffering, he showed himself to these men and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God. On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: ‘Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized with water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.’”

 

Verse six indicates by their question that they’re still hung up on the kingdom restoration to Israel thing, so He tells them, bluntly, that it’s none of their business when that’s going to happen. And then He tells them what they will be doing for Him:

 

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

 

In essence, He tells them that thy have a big job to do for Him. Others need to know about Him, and be offered salvation and restoration to God. And it’s going to be their responsibility to get evangelism kick-started.

 

Evidently that instruction comes on His very last day with them, after He led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, (as Dr. Luke reports in the last verses of his Gospel), when Jesus performs His final act upon the earth.

 

Jesus’ final act upon the earth—

Jesus has appeared. Jesus proves many times over—in front of a multitude of witness—that He was dead and is now alive.

He has forgiven. He has taught. He has given additional instructions. And now He performs His final, loving and encouraging act.

He lifts up His hands.

And blesses them.

 

What He said is not recorded, but we can be assured that His words were tender, loving, uplifting. Maybe something along the lines of probably the most famous benediction in Scripture:

 

“The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26)

 

Maybe He personalized it by saying “I bless you and will keep you. I will make my face shine upon you, and be gracious to you…”

 

But perhaps it was more personal. These are, after all, the closest and dearest, most beloved friends He had during His life on earth. The men and women He had spent an intense and busy three years with. The people He’d joked with, laughed with, ate and camped outside with. The ones who knew Him best.

At least as well as one can possibly know the One who is fully God and fully man.

And in the midst of that blessing, while He’s blessing them, Jesus is elevated into heaven. Slipping through what is likely a thin veil between heaven and earth; returning to the Father in glory.

The Magnificent Ascension.

He leaves them again, this time with that blessing on their hearts and minds.

A glorious memory of their Lord to take and carry with them.

 

Luke then tells us in his Gospel that after He disappears, His followers begin worshipping Him. And they obey His directions by returning to Jerusalem with great joy. Not just a little joy, or a general kind of joy, but GREAT joy.

Once there they head to the temple, where they continually praise God.

A jump over to the first chapter of Acts gives us the full picture.

While Jesus is disappearing into the clouds, the disciples stand staring up into the sky. I can just see all of them standing in a clump, mouths open, heads back, eyes fastened on Jesus, and then those clouds. Maybe they could still hear His voice through the opaque mist.

Luke says they “were looking intently.”

Can’t you just see them, heads bent backward; eyes straining to see. Maybe they’re waiting Him to come back down to the earth. After all, He disappeared once, and then reappeared and disappeared and reappeared. Perhaps He would do it again.

It takes two angels dropped down to earth beside them to get them to re-focus.

 

“Men of Galilee,” they said, “why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into haven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven.”

 

That’s good enough for them. Nothing like a couple of suddenly-appearing guys dressed in bright white to get your attention. The disciples hit the road and head back to Jerusalem. To wait, as their Lord instructed.

They’ve learned well enough now to believe and to trust, and do as they’re told.

And do it with praise and worship in their hearts and on their lips.

 

What does this story have to say to us?

This is an amazing story. A true and living story.

It’s not a story of an indifferent God who put in His ministry time, suffered, got the reparation job done and then promptly returned home.

It’s the story of a loving God. A compassionate God. A God who seeks, and takes the first steps to forgive and restore.

A God that loves and longs to bless us!

The crushing pain and devastating loss at the crucifixion has been lifted and erased. There is no more sorrow. Only joy and worship and forward-looking living.

Jesus’ physical presence will soon be replaced with His spiritual one. The One that’s busy in the world right now—working, teaching, healing, saving, and leading.

Just exactly like the physical Son did while He was on earth.

 

I would caution you to not let your imagination run amuck, in haste to fill in what isn’t said in Scripture, but can you see yourself in this story? Can you hear Jesus’ words and actions; imagine yourself as a disciple?

Let me provide a few questions to get you started.

 

Invitation—
  1. Close your eyes and imagine all that Jesus said and did during that forty days. Imagine Him blessing His follower friends, and then imagine Him blessing you.
  2. When was the last time you asked Jesus for His blessing upon you and your life? Upon your day; upon a significant moment in time.

Take the time to do it right now. Lift your hands to the heavens to receive the blessing. And praise and worship Jesus for giving it. Rejoice, just as the disciples did that day in Bethany and Jerusalem.

  1. Spend a moment considering the characteristics that mark the disciples at this moment in their lives, at the end of Luke’s gospel and the opening of Acts.

They praise.

They worship.

They obey.

And then ask yourself: How much of my day, week, year, or life is or has been marked by praise?

If you’re lacking that component in your life, begin today.

If you’re not sure how to praise, ask the loving Savior to show and lead you.

If you need forgiveness, repent and ask Him to forgive you.

If you’re on the outside of that disciple circle looking in, and want to know how you become a part of it, take the steps needed to break through the circle.

Acknowledge that Jesus is the Savior, the Son of God. The Messiah, who took upon Himself the sins of all mankind, suffered and paid a penalty that you owed.

Ask Him to forgive you of your sins. If you aren’t sure what they are, ask Him to reveal them to you. He will.

Tell Him you want to be a follower, a child of God.

Ask Him to send the Holy Spirit to inhabit your heart so you are counted as one of God’s children.

Then offer praise and worship to the One who restores you from death to life and prepares a place for you to live in Heaven. The One who has given you hope and a future.

 

And rejoice!

 

Why are we looking at the Ascension right now, this long after Easter.

Because this Thursday, May 13, marks Ascension Day, the commemoration of the end of Jesus’ forty days son earth following His resurrection.

Consider it anew and what it means for you.


NEXT WEEK: We’ll continue the story with a look at Pentecost—the event that initiated the age of the Church. We’ll celebrate the anniversary.

Until then, praise, worship and obey.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”

 
Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

Navigating Life’s Energy-Draining Paths

I’m sure most, if not all of you reading this post have experienced what I’m experiencing right now: a feeling of hanging in limbo. As though you’re unsure of your next move and have difficulty planning your days.

There are a lot of reasons I can point to for my annoying, energy and motivation-sapping funk.

  • We’re planning a trip to see our grandbaby, and I’m antsy to go on a vacation to see her.
  • We’re doing home projects to get our house ready to sell (we think), and I’m weary of projects.
  • The weekly spring Bible study I taught recently ended, and I’m missing gathering with my beloved friends something fierce. (I’m also missing the rigors of studying and preparing to teach too.)
  • Post-COVID infection brain fog isn’t helping, either. It’s not occurring as often as it did, but when it hits, I patiently ride it out and try to re-focus. I’m usually, but not always, successful.

 

But what has probably dampened my world the most is the fact that my mother is likely nearing the end of her earthly journey.

 

We thought it would happen last year, in early December when she was diagnosed with COVID and went from a fairly energetic ninety-eight-year old to a ninety-nine-year old (she turned 99 during her bout with COVID and never knew she had a birthday) who was just a shell of the woman she had been.

Since she, as many older people did, got hit especially hard with neurological symptoms, including hallucinations and catatonic spaciness, her dementia worsened. And she went from being able to walk with her walker to being bed-ridden.

Of course, because I wasn’t allowed to visit her, I didn’t witness the transition. I only got the daily updates by phone from her caregiver. I was on  the road with my husband to meet and hold our first grandchild. The worry and mental strain from wondering if I’d ever see my mother alive again weighed heavily on  me. And threatened to vacuum all of the giddy joy out of holding my brand new granddaughter.

I had to remind myself that this was no surprise to God; that He was in control; and that there was really nothing I could do, except pray and hope.

At the end of this post, I’ll include the devotional I wrote about this event for Guideposts’ Strength and Grace daily devotions bi-monthly magazine. (I highly recommend this devotional for all the caregivers you know. The truths and encouragement you glean from the devotions are wonderful. It’s always amazing to me to what God teaches us through trials and heartaches.)

 

But getting back to my mom and how she’s doing now.

She’s really winding down, but I suspect we’re still on a roller coaster ride. Last week all of us—including her hospice nurse—thought she only had days to live. But when Chris and I arrived last Sunday for a visit, she was sitting up in the recliner, looking pretty alert. The day before, she chatted up a storm for a couple of hours, even though she was in bed.

Last Friday my afternoon activity was visiting the mortuary staff to make some decisions ahead of time, in case she takes her leave while I’m visiting my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter.

I can tell God is preparing my heart. I’m already shedding tears and coming to grips with the reality that I’ll be an “orphan,” without siblings to share long-ago memories.

That will be hard. And a little scary, I think.

I’ll have to chat with my aunt about that one. She’s also an only child and lost her parents years ago. At least she’ll be able to empathize and commiserate.

 

I’m sure all of these factors are contributing to my blah mental state and writer’s block. I’m trying to be patient with myself, recognize what’s swirling around me, lean into it, abiding in our gracious, loving Lord, and gaining perspective and strength from that abiding.

Which brings me to another reason

Post-Easter letdown.

The emotional, spiritual, and often physical investment of the forty days of Lent, Holy Week, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and then the rousing celebrating on Easter Sunday can result in a kind of let-down feeling. As though it all happened, and now it’s over, and a feeling of “what now?” niggles your spirit.

But if we look at what happened after the Resurrection, which we started to explore on April 19 post, we can see all that was going on with Jesus and His disciples and really bask in the joy of our salvation and future hope.

And that’s where we’ll be heading next week. To walk with Jesus’ followers, eavesdrop on their conversations. Try to feel their hearts as they encounter the risen Lord and learn what comes next in their lives.

And to witness the compassion and love of Jesus for His friends.

So, until the next post, which is scheduled to publish at 1:00 AM May 10 (I’m returning to Monday releases), may your heart be full of godly perspective and hope as you walk curvy, hilly and rocky paths of life!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”

 
Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

Grief, Positivity and Hope: Saying the Right Words at the Right Time

(This post is the last in a series on toxic positivity.)

Is your life missing peace? Does your soul feel empty and hungry? Does it feel as though the light in your life has been snuffed out?

At one time or another, most—if not all of us—have felt completely hopeless and experienced all the side effects of it. Chaos, sadness, depression, a lack of purpose or promise.

And we often need to express those scary feelings to another person. The kind of response we receive may end up making us feel worse and wondering if there is anyone, anywhere who understands our pain and is willing to walk alongside us while we’re groping and fumbling to get back into life.

In these times of heartache and trouble, what we need is not a pious platitude or super upbeat “think good thoughts and be happy” response. We need reality, and a reminder that goodness is out there, and we can find and have it.

 

The right response to deep grief and anguish—

For the last month we’ve been exploring a too-positive response to someone’s expression of grief and heartache and the problems this kind of response can cause.

And I also noted that too often Christians are the first to chime in with cheery, smiley, bordering-on-superficial responses. While the Bible passages they might share are true, they are shared improperly or at untimely moments.

Today we’ll take a look at how a writer of the Bible chose to response to the most horrendous of circumstances, with the reality of the situation, and the truth about God’s character.

 

The Lamentations of Jeremiah—

While we can find outpouring of heart and grief in the Psalms, one only need turn to Lamentations to locate funeral or dirge poetry and outpouring of grief so deep, the reader wonders how the writer can even go on living.

The dirges are for a people snatched from their homes and beloved city and dragged off to another country. He bewails the crumbling and destruction of their magnificent house of worship. The words recount a once-beautiful city and the ruinous state it now lies in. The tone and setting are dark and dismal.

Yet even after his outpouring of grief in his honest words of how he feels beaten up and bruised by God, Jeremiah calls to mind a sense of hope and where it comes from.

He reminds himself and the people that God is unchanging and faithful.

 

For twenty verses the prophet pours out his spiritual, emotional and physical agony, and then writes the well-known verses:

 

“Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’S great love we are

not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.”

 

And he continues:

 

“I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.’

The LORD is good to those whose hope is

in him,

to the one who seeks him;

It is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the LORD.”

 

For the rest of the chapter, which is a total of sixty-six verses, Jeremiah runs between profound lament, calling on God and voicing faith in Him, extolling God’s faithful character, and admitting to the people’s sins that brought on some of this calamity in the first place. He is raw and honest.

And keep in mind that the people were suffering unimaginable torment; in a time so bad they had reduced themselves to cannibalism. It is ugly, it is desperate, and it is grievous.

It certainly would not be a time for anyone to throw out “Look on the bright side. It’s not as bad as you think. God is good. All the time, God is good.”

And yet that is exactly what Jeremiah boils it down to: that God is indeed good and faithful and just, and this devastation they’re living through will not last forever, because God will make sure it eventually ends.

 

But before Jeremiah gets around to stating those facts, he grieves openly, completely and without apology. And because of this honesty, we can appreciate that cheery, pat answers and out-of-context Bible verses or ones delivered too quickly aren’t realistic, they don’t reflect life, and they don’t really reflect the Bible.

 

What a Hurting Person Needs—

As pastor Alistair Begg says,

“Hurting people want to know if there’s anybody around that understands how they feel, what they’re going through.”

 

A hurting person needs to know that the theology of God is not always one of sugary words and upbeat jargon but is also one of suffering, of pain, of lament. Of honest grief.

They don’t need cheerleaders. They need big hearts, open arms and listening ears.

Sometimes it’s okay in life to imitate the grieving, lamenting prophet. Sometimes it’s best to get it all out so you can think more clearly, to purge and cleanse your heart and soul.

While we can remind ourselves that God is, indeed, always faithful, always good, and always available to us, we also need to acknowledge that life is hard. Sometimes real hard.

Sometimes so hard it feels as though it’s going to break you.

And when we’ve poured out our hearts and come to the very end of ourselves, or listened to someone else do it, then is the time—in order to keep on going and persevering—we can and should remember, and remind a grieving person:

Because of the LORD’S great love we are

not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

 

As Pastor Begg encourages:

“Bring all that you know of God to bear on all that you know of your circumstances.”

 

  • Acknowledge your or someone else’s circumstances.
  • Be realistic about them.
  • Weep over them if you must.
  • And then remember God and bring Him into the healing equation.

 

Call to mind that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, and His mercies never end.

And that’s what gives you hope.

It’s about volition. And timing. And being honest about life and the sometimes horrendous reality of it.

And then remembering that a new morning is coming and because Jesus Christ lives, we can, indeed, face all our tomorrows.

 

Invitation—

If you are finding it difficult to call to mind the hope you have in God, please reach out to me with a text to 520-975-6109. Tell me your name and a little about your circumstances, and if you need someone to talk to about them. I’m available to help you with your healing.

And if you don’t know this amazing, forgiving God of hope and would like to know Him and have a relationship with Him, send a text message to the same number. Don’t let another day go by without making this decision!


Until next week,

Be honest with your grief and allow others to be too. Listen well and open your heart—to the pain of others and to the God who hears and heals.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

The Dangers of Positivity and How to Respond to It

When a friend or loved one comes to us, expressing her deepest emotional grief, pain or fear, often, our first reaction is to try to console or fix them, to ease their emotion or correct it so they can experience less pain and more joy. Or ease our own uncomfortable emotions at her honesty.

But are we doing her a disservice?

Probably. What we say and how we respond can help or wind up in the category of toxic positivity.

 

In my last three posts, I’ve talked a lot about what toxic positivity is, and how harmful it can be. Today we’ll look at what it looks and sounds like, how to turn it around to a constructive and helpful response, and how you can respond if you’re the recipient of it.

 

WHAT TOXIC POSITIVITY LOOKS LIKE—

When someone has expressed the deepest pain, grief, frustration or agony of her heart, have you ever heard someone respond in any of these ways?

  • “Cheer up, it could be worse.”
  • “Look on the bright side,” and then proceed to tell you what that is.
  • “He’s in a better place.” (If a loved one has died.)
  • “Focus on the good things.”
  • “Tomorrow will b your best life.”
  • “Just go with the flow.”

 

If you’re trying too hard to be and display positivity, you might also end up with a problem.

 

WAYS TO SPOT A FAKE POSITIVE ATTITUDE—

There’s at least one big clue to knowing whether or not someone is faking a positive outlook.

Look at their eyes and cheeks.

When someone displays an authentically happy smile, her cheeks scrunch up to her eyes, causing little creases to occur under the eyes. And the eyes narrow as they’re pushed toward the eye socket. The corners of her lips elevate. In short, the facial muscles get involved.

No Duchenne marker? Then the smile is likely a put-on, to make you think they’re happy, or they responded gratefully to your upbeat, think positive comment.

 

WATCH BODY LANGUAGE TOO—

Did she relax when you blurted out your happy comment? Did she nod gratefully, or thank you?

Or did she tense up, jerk, look down? Did her eyes fly open in shock or disappointment? Did she seem to go quiet or withdraw?

Watch how people respond to your statements, your words. Your body language. Pay attention to how you respond to those words.

 

THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF BEING TOO POSITIVE—

Inauthentic happiness can stress you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes the more you avoid negative thoughts, the bigger and more overwhelming they get. It becomes a self-defeating effort.

And if you internalize it, you can damage yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. For years.

If you’re a never-ending source of upbeat thinking statements, you might come off as being insincere, shallow, self-involved or uncaring. You could be in jeopardy to losing meaningful relationships. At the very least, others may stop sharing their hearts with you.

They might stop telling you the truth about how they feel and instead just stick to the surface issues in conversation. They’ll stop trusting you with their hearts.

For someone that hangs out with a super positive person, she might be in danger of denying herself and her true feelings, work too hard to conform to the positive person’s views, put on a fake demeanor, feel as though she’s walking on eggshells around Ms. Positive and exhaust herself trying to say the right things.

These kinds of responses are crippling to someone’s spirit. And I don’t think many of us want to do that to a friend, or to ourselves.

 

HOW TO RESPOND IF SOMEONE HITS YOU WITH TOXIC POSITIVITY—

How do you or should you respond when a super cheerleader type dismisses your expressions of tough or painful emotions?

On the extreme, you may have to set some pretty firm boundaries with him, either outwardly or discreetly, while you heal. Especially if the offender just won’t acknowledge his error or the damage his comments did to your spirit.

Quite often, though, the best response is to breathe deeply, remind yourself that your emotions are your emotions you need to acknowledge and maybe express, and then gently tell him how his response affected you.

And cut them some slack by giving them the benefit of the doubt.

You might say, “I know you meant well with your positive response, but that comment made me feel as though my emotions aren’t important or valid, and that you really weren’t listening.”

How he responds to that will tell you volumes about his heart and character.

You could let him off the hook by saying you know he didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with sharing your emotion, and if it really upsets him, you won’t share your feelings with him.

Or tell him that all you need right now is a listening ear and a listening heart. Someone to talk to.

Can you successfully balance pain-driven emotions with a positive outlook?

 No question about it. Life is hard. Most people don’t get through life without having to confront pain, loss, a devastating event or major, stressful life change. And most people do survive them. But often they only survive. You wouldn’t say they managed to survive them well, and with honesty.

But there is a way to do that. To be hopeful (not necessarily sickeningly cheerful or sappy sweet) and be able to look forward with hope in the midst of the deepest heartache.

Join me next week when we’ll learn how we can do that, and not necessarily live an easy life, but live a hopeful one.

Until then, be a good listener, really hear what people are expressing, confirm their emotions and be careful with sharing your positivity.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

When Positivity Harms Mental and Physical Health

The world has been focusing on positivity a long time, and there’s abundant research proving its benefits. But is it possible there’s a dark side to all that positivity?

Evidently the answer is “yes,” and it’s been given a name—toxic positivity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Definition of Toxic Positivity—

While there are different definitions (I provided one from What’s Your Grief? in my last two blog posts), today I’ll give you the definition I found on thepsychologygroup.com website.

 

“The overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.”

 

As they point out, when anything is carried to the extreme, a problem emerges. In this case, the problem occurs when forcing positive “vibes” and positive thinking and focusing only on positive platitudes can cause you to silence, cover up or deny human emotion and experience. Yours, or someone else’s.

It becomes detrimental and unhealthy—physically, emotionally and spiritually.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What does toxic positivity look like?

How do you know if you’re forcing yourself to be positive or trying to push someone else this direction?

Here are some clues and red flags:

  • When you try to hide or mask your true feelings.
  • When you don’t allow someone else to express her true feelings.
  • When you try to convince yourself that you just need to push ahead and get on with life; when you stuff or dismiss an emotion.
  • When you tease, ridicule, or dismiss someone else’s emotion.
  • You force-feed yourself positive statements to cover your emotions, which are likely the opposite of the positive statements.
  • You force-feed others positive statements, to get them to “cheer up,” when the circumstances don’t warrant cheering.
  • Trying too hard to change your perspective on an event that has hurt you.
  • Trying to change someone else’s perspective on an event, especially when they have not asked for your perspective.
  • Internally shaming yourself for feeling a certain way.
  • Shaming others for their feelings, either by verbal digs, dismissive words, or negative body language. (Some would now label that behavior as “micro-aggression.”)
  • Trying to brush off events and feelings that bother you or others with statements like “It is what it is,” or “It could be worse,” or “Look at the bright side.”

 

Certainly there are times when events cause jarring or overwhelming emotions that, if we latch onto them too hard and for too long, can cause physical, emotional and spiritual problems. But that’s not what I’m addressing here.

I’m focusing on those hasty comments made without really listening to yourself or others and trying to identify the emotion and figure out where it’s coming from. What the source is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Toxic Positivity is Bad for Your Health—

Just was gratefulness and a positive life outlook can be beneficial to your health, swinging the pendulum too far that direction can have negative health consequences.

When you force a positive outlook on pain—the kind of pain that affects you physically, emotionally and spiritually—you’re telling yourself or others to keep silent about your, or their struggles. Sadly, this is often a problem among believers.

When you shut someone down from expressing their heart, you cast a shadow of shame on them. And that forces them to retreat into silence and secrecy, and possibly self-judgment and self-condemnation. They feel condemned by your response. And that often leads to a breakdown in physical, emotional and spiritual health.

They end up internalizing that pain along with the judgment. And that’s a recipe for potential health disaster.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some dangers of hiding emotions—

Hiding and internalizing emotions or dismissing feelings and lead to a host of problems, like:

  • Increased body stress and inflammation
  • Increased difficulty avoiding stressful thoughts
  • Increased psychological arousal
  • Increased depression
  • Increased anxiety and obsessive behaviors
  • Fear
  • Physical illness and disease, like cancers, PTSD, etc.
  • Increased self-isolation and avoidance
  • Shutting down
  • Stress of keeping up a fake persona
  • Loss of connection to others, and to ourselves
  • Emotional and physical burnout
  • Damage to the human spirit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What helps relieve emotional stress?

One study conducted by researchers found that when people were allowed and encouraged to express themselves through emotional and whole body responses—like facial expressions, crying, and verbal responses—they were able to relieve the internal stress they were experiencing.

The group not allowed to be free with their expressions had higher levels of internal physiological response. Meaning? What these people weren’t allowed to “get out” made them erupt on the inside.

That may be one of the reasons that people living with volatile individuals who are verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive have a reduced life span. They’re more prone to heart problems and other physically debilitating diseases. Scientists believe it may be the hormone cortisol that’s responsible for the health breakdown. A little of it’s good. Too much of it is damaging.

Much more recent studies indicate that people’s responses to others’ emotions make our own emotional response even more complicated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is shame ever good?

The question always comes up: Is shame ever a good thing?

Yes!

Shame can be necessary and productive when you’ve harmed someone emotionally, physically or spiritually. When you know you’ve sinned or done wrong and need to repent for your trespass. When your shame drives you to apologize, so a relationship can be restored.

Remember what the Apostle Paul tells us: it’s okay to get angry, but make sure you don’t sin in the expression of that anger.

Caveat—

 Again, I want to say I am not talking about verbalizing EVERY feeling you experience, like lashing out in anger, having emotional outbursts, making sure everyone you encounter knows exactly how you feel about something. That’s just as unhealthy, usually more so for the recipient of your wrath.

I’m talking about feelings and emotions stemming from grief, trauma, honest disappointment, breaking of trust. Those types of events and triggers.

Wrap-up—

While I encourage everyone to be grateful, positive and hopeful, (more on hopeful in future blog posts), I encourage you to take a step back from that thinking and examine your feelings, and listen to others express theirs before making a judgment call or voicing a quick, positive opinion or offering positive-thinking advice—telling someone how they should think or respond.

That’s the loving thing to do for others, and for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Invitation—
  1. Think back to times when you expressed your feelings to someone and felt those feelings were quickly dismissed or steered another—happier—direction. How did that make you feel?
  2. When your feelings were dismissed, were you able to lovingly tell the offender how their response made them feel, or did you withdraw and then avoid talking about your pain?
  3. Are you still withdrawing, or avoiding that person or avoiding expressing your feelings to them? Did you lose trust in them?
  4. What helps you validate your feelings and express them honestly (not forcefully)?

Next week we’ll be finishing up this series with more examples of toxic statements, taking a mental inventory of whether we’ve been obnoxious offenders in response to someone’s expressions, and look at good, healthful ways to respond to hurtful people. And learn how to validate our own emotions.

Until then, be slow to anger, slow to speak and longsuffering. When you do respond, carefully choose your words.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.