Category: Meditation

How to Change Your Defects: Renewing Your Mind and Retraining Your Brain

Are you ready to tackle the process of ridding yourself of pesky defects?

If you read last Monday’s post, you saw the series of questions I asked to focus for this week.

How did you do answering last week’s questions?

Were you able to:

  • Focus on your feelings, how you react emotionally to triggers or life events?
  • Make literal or mental notes on your typical behavior—your autopilot fallback response to feelings and triggers?
  • Identify whether your natural reaction is to yell, get angry, withdraw, self-harm, eat, avoid, give in, shame or shun?

 

As you can see from the list, our thoughts often determine our feelings and feelings determine our actions.

 

Training your brain to develop healthful habits—

I’m reading a great professional manual right now that delves into the reaction-changing process. It’s called Training Your Brain to Adopt Healthful Habits: Mastering the Five Brain Challenges. * Not only does it address habit changing, it addresses problems like addictions, eating disorders, and behavioral responses.

The sections have titles like:

“Learning to Highly Value Behaviors that Promote Wellness and Devalue Behaviors that Lead to Poor Health”

“Enriching Your Life to Tame the Need for Immediate Gratification”

“Enhancing Resiliency to New Threats and Chronic Stressors”

“Training Your Addiction Circuits to Make Healthy Behaviors Habitual”

“Making Flexible Decisions to Empower Your Brain to Make Healthful Choices”

 

If I were to give you a one-sentence overview of the book, I would say,

It’s all about being transformed by the renewing of your mind, so you do not let the world, or individuals, conform you. And it’s a secular book.

The Apostle Paul had it right when he said in Romans 12:2 that making your life the best life it can be—physically, emotionally and spiritually—starts with the renewing of your mind. Research supports his claims.

So what practical steps can we take to make that happen?

 

Think about a defect you have that’s causing you—and your life—trouble. You might want to start with something simple, so you can get some traction and success. That would give you the encouragement and momentum to move onto something more difficult.

But if it’s a serious addiction you need to confront, you would want to start there.

 

Steps to destroying your defects—

We’ll explore three of the six steps today.

 

  1. Focus on one defect at a time!

So many of us run around in a whirlwind, multitasking even our “must improve in this area” behavior. That’s a recipe for disaster. A behavior we might do to sabotage ourselves into failure. Change is hard work. It takes time and focus. Repetition. Our brains aren’t happy when we’re multitasking; and none of us—regardless of what someone brags about—do it well.

Focus, focus, focus. Like a laser beam. On one defect at a time. And make sure that defect is put out of business before moving on to another one.

 

  1. Focus on one defect change and one victory one day at a time!

Moment-by-moment, all of us need to take very thought—and behavior—captive to Christ, the One who created us and knows us intimately. Who better to go to for guidance and help than the One who created you?

This is where the concept of praying without ceasing also comes in, because when we’re hurting or struggling or sputtering along in life, sometimes it feels as though we’re weighed down by every—single—moment—of—every—day.

When life seems to be going well, we tend to slack off on the pray without ceasing admonition. We stand on the mountaintop, euphoric over what we’ve accomplished and conquered. Unfortunately, the descent into another valley can come fast and furiously. And then we wonder what happened, and we’re right back down in the dregs of life, clutching and clawing and moaning and groaning. Writhing around in our failures and pain.

Thankfully, God’s mercies are new every morning! So we can awaken each new day with the knowledge that we can re-boot. Focus, focus, focus and practice, practice, practice!

He won’t abandon us if we fall flat in our efforts; He knows our weaknesses, and He’s always available to give us the power and strength we need to succeed. To cover and protect us if we need rest.

But in order for that to happen, first we need to:

 

  1. Focus on God’s power, not your own willpower to make those life corrections.

Certainly we can struggle and fight and wrestle with ourselves, but until we acknowledge that we can do nothing without Jesus, our efforts will usually be ineffective and short-lived.

This is the most fundamental and important step to take to enjoy lasting change and victory.

 

But what about them?

But what about other people that trigger poor responses and behavior from you, the ones you think need fixing?

You still need to concentrate on how you behavior in response to their behavior. And sometimes that means stepping away from a certain person or group that weakens your defenses and pushes your buttons.

Setting boundaries with others can be an important part of changing your defective behaviors and responses. Protecting your heart while you’re learning new coping and life skills. Like an alcoholic that needs to stop meeting drinking buddies at the local watering hole on a Friday night; or an alcoholic who needs to get new friends altogether, which is the usual scenario.

That’s not an easy or comfortable proposition, but it’s one you may have to take if you are to enjoy victory.

NEXT WEEK we’ll look at three additional steps to help you succeed in demolishing strongholds and self-defects.

Until then, focus on one defect, focus on one victory, and focus on God’s power—the ingredient that will make all of this happen for you!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

* Authors:

  • Jodie A Trafton, Ph.D.
  • William P. Gordon, Ph.D.
  • Supriya Misra, M.A.

How to Change Your Defects: Part 1

If you’re a Jesus-follower, you know God is in the defect-correcting business. At least you know it intellectually. Enjoying that experience is often elusive, though, because we aren’t always interested—or determined enough—to cooperate with God in His change process.

Or really believe and grab hold of His promise that He can do it.

 

What does God have to say about defect changing?

One of the most well known Scripture passages that addresses this issue is Romans 12:1-2.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (NIV).

 

I love the way Eugene Peterson said it in The Message:

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you. Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

 

Let’s turn these passages into defect-changing bullet points.

  • God is merciful.
  • Our bodies are important to Him.
  • Offering our bodies (that includes our mind) to Him is an act of worship.
  • Thoughts determine our feelings, and feelings often determine our actions.
  • We get ourselves into trouble when we allow the world to conform and mold us.
  • Our mind is the problem—if we want change, we need to start there. We often forget that our mind is a part of our body.
  • In order to change, our mind needs renewing.
  • In order for us to know God’s will for our lives, we must have renewed minds. No way around it.

 

Changing your defects sounds so basic, but it’s so difficult. Why?

The world and its forces are powerful. They don’t take kindly to people that push back against the status quo or current thought wave. We war against the principalities of darkness.

And we war against ourselves, our old, defect-laden nature. It’s hard to fight against yourself. It’s always much easier to give in, at least initially. Then it becomes something like feeding and satisfying the beast, and we find ourselves venturing down a road of darkness and perpetual frustration, anger, and sadness.

 

NEXT WEEK, we’re going to delve into the processes we need to go through to rid ourselves of those defects and effectively change. But for this week, I invite you to prepare.

 

Focus on your feelings, how you react emotionally to triggers or life events.

And then note your behavior. What is your autopilot fallback response to those feelings?

Is it anger, yelling, withdrawal, self-harm, eating, avoidance, giving in, shaming or shunning someone?

 

Behavioral psychologists often recommend that you write these feelings and responses down, so you get a better handle on what causes or triggers you to behave the way you do. It’s like writing down an, if this (happens), then that (happens) chart. I suspect you’ll find it eye-opening.

Then we’ll come back together next week to focus on the steps we need to take to change our defective behaviors, one defect at a time!

Until then, do some mind and feeling exploration. No blaming; just noting.

And remember, God is merciful!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Conquer Your Personal Defects

Do you have any nagging bad habits—character defects—you just can’t seem to get a handle on or conquer, in spite of all your efforts?

Maybe they’re defects (imperfections, sins, weaknesses, faults, flaws, deficiencies, shortcomings, inadequacies) you’ve decided to blame on your genes or behaviors your parents or parents’ parents have passed down to you.

Or perhaps you point your finger at your present or past circumstances—poor home nurturing while you were growing up, bad marriage, or just bad luck.

 

But what about those choices we make that undermine our physical, emotional and spiritual health? How do those fit into the puzzle, and what can we do about them?

 

Why are defects so hard to get ride of or conquer?

We moan and groan and cry out to God—sometimes repeatedly—to fix us, for Him to snap His mighty fingers and make all of the problems and issues go away.

But it often doesn’t happen. Why is that? Why do our defects seem to cling to us like sticky paper clings to our fingers? Several reasons come to mind:

  1. We have the defects so long that they’ve become a part of us and morphed into nearly unbreakable habits.

 

  1. Defects are also hard to conquer because we’ve learned to identify with them, and they’ve become comfortable parts of us.

“Oh, no, Andrea,” you say. “I don’t want it to be part of me!”

But maybe you do.

Think about how often you use your defect to define yourself. You say to yourself Well, that’s just the way I am. Or you talk about yourself as being an impatient or anxious person; a partier that loves to socialize and have fun with the crowd. Or you mask your controlling nature by saying you’re organized and just want to make sure things get done the right way.

You see an 80-hour workweek as a badge of productivity, although, if you’re honest, you were really pretty busy but not very productive.

How much do you identify with your defect? The more you identify with it, the more likely it is that your life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ve conditioned your brain, and your behavior, to automatically default to the defect because it’s comfortable and familiar. It’s easier to go along than it is to combat it.

 

  1. Sometimes we hang onto our defects because they give us big payoffs.

One benefit of leaning on your defect may be that you can use it to avoid responsibility. For example, procrastination allows us to get out of things we didn’t want to do in the first place.

Defects can also get us the attention we desire. Having temper tantrums that make others walk around on eggshells gets attention. People will tend to try to placate you rather than go to battle with you.

What’s the down side to that? Those people don’t want to spend time with you, so they do everything they can to make sure they avoid you or make minimal contact with you.

They can also get us sympathy. Know anyone that likes to brag about their problems, the load they continue to carry around with them you know they could drop if they wanted to?

 

  1. Another benefit of a defect is using it as an excuse to fail.

I remember when I was in 7th grade, struggling in a math class. I got a C one quarter and went to my mom to break the bad news. (I’d always managed to do fairly well in math up until that point.) I was fearful she’d reprimand me. But that didn’t happen. Instead, she gave me a response that would plague me the rest of my life:

“Oh, that’s okay. I wasn’t very good in math either.”

And that was it—a “fact” I glommed onto as my own fate. After all, I was born with “bad math” genes, so why work harder or expect more from myself? The instant relief I felt was wonderful. The long-range results, not so good.

Years later, in late high school and college, I learned that my “bad math” genes could be rectified with harder, more concentrated labor and maybe some tutoring. But by then the damage had been done. I still told myself I just wasn’t very good at math. And I t stifled my career choices and academic success.

That doesn’t mean I could have been an engineer or physicist. But who knows? If I had been given a more positive, constructive response, I might have overcome and excelled in math.

 

  1. Another problem we have shedding our defects is that we buy into the accusations the Deceiver whispers in our ears.

We just know we’re failures; that we can’t be helped; that we’ll never change, in spite of God saying that we can. And then we wallow around in grief over our plight and failures.

 

So who do you think is right? Who are you willing to put your trust in on this one?

 

Solutions to conquering our defects—

There are ways to combat our defects. Successful ways. And in the six weeks we’re going to look at ways to combat and conquer! Ways that will remake and reshape us. Ways that will renew our minds and behaviors.

Fair warning: some of the ways might be tough. But be assured, God is in the change and makeover business, and He stands by willing and able to help us succeed.

 

Preparing for next week—

As you look forward to next week’s blog post, I encourage you to take inventory on your defects, the things you’d like to change. The things you’re ready to change. Pray for God to reveal them to you. Write them down. Pray over them. And prepare for the work we’ll be doing this month.

Until then,

decide in your heart, and with your actions and words, that you’re going to stop making excuses for yourself or your family or circumstances and head out on the path of change. The path that will give you a more abundant and satisfying life!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Experience the Power of Praying the Scriptures

There are so many ways to pray. You can pray what’s known as “The Lord’s Prayer.” You can use table graces and heartfelt, meaningful prayers of the saints who have gone before us. You can pray what the Spirit brings to mind; groan when you are at a loss for words.

And you can use God’s word—Scripture—to reach the heart of God.

 

What’s so special about using Scripture to pray?

Making a habit of using Scripture to pray has many advantages. Here’s a list of the major things that come to mind.

Praying Scripture:

  • Reduces anxiety.
  • Helps you focus and hone in on specific needs and problems.
  • Molds your thoughts and guides your conversations.
  • Gives you the tools to pray more specifically and with a holy focus.
  • Allows you to pray more effectively in God’s language.
  • Can draw you closer to the heart of God and sooth your soul when you personalize His word.
  • Can give rest to your soul.
  • Gives you the opportunity to be steeped in it. And that has a profound effect on how you respond to life’s circumstances—good or bad.

 

A Scripture-Praying Case Study—

It invigorates me to use Scripture to pray specifically for my family, friends, church and myself. It seems to add power to my praying. But I haven’t always prayed that way.

I remember the first time my family and I used personalized Scripture praying. It was an eye-opening experience.

We were home schooling our two boys and gathering together nightly for family worship time. A time where we sang worship songs, chatted, read a Bible lesson and prayed together.

One night I selected some verses—I think from Psalms or Proverbs—and had each of the four of us use these verses to pray specifically, inserting our names into the passage where a name could be inserted.

When we finished praying aloud, we lifted our heads, looked at one another and let out a collective “Wow!” Each of us agreed it was powerful. Hearing our own voices and the voices of others speak Scripture directed to ourselves made a deep impression.

Ever since that experience so many years ago, I’ve tried to pray Scripture for my husband, my sons, my daughter-in-law (who joined our family in 2016), friends and other family, and myself.

 

Example of praying the Scriptures:

There are so many Scriptures I could use as examples, but a couple of my favorites are:

Psalm 1:1-3 (personalized)

Lord, I want my sons and daughter-in-law, (I name them individually), to walk in the counsel of the godly, not in the path of sinners, nor in the seat of the scornful, so that you may bless them.

May they each (again, I name them individually) delight in your law, God, and meditate upon it day and night.

So they may be like trees, planted by the rivers of waters, and bring forth fruit in their seasons. May they be trees whose leaves do not wither; and may they prosper in whatever they do!

 

Another favorite of mine to pray is Colossians 1:9-12 (personalized).

Lord, May I be filled with the knowledge of your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding. May I walk in a manner worthy of my Lord Jesus Christ. May I please you, God, in all respects and bear fruit in every good work. I want to increasingly grow in the knowledge of you, O God, and be strengthened with all might, according to your glorious power! May my life express joyous thanks to you, Father, for your grace to me.

 

In four verses, this prayer acknowledges God’s power, authority, wisdom and blessings. And it’s a prayer that seeks to be blessed by God, to be strengthened by Him, and to grow in grace and live a well-lived, pleasing-to-God life.

It’s also a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. One that leaves your heart awed, humbled, grateful, and happy!

 

If you’ve never before prayed the Scriptures, I hope this gives you encouragement to do so and a place to start.

Please let me—and others—know how it impacts you and your prayer life!

 

Until next week, when we’ll embark on a new topic for the month of February, speak God’s word back to Him. He promises it will never return void. Knowing that promise emboldens your convictions and enriches your heart in unexpected ways!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

19 New Year Prayers for Yourself

Little did I know when I planned this week’s topic that I would find myself in profound need of it!

 

Last Monday, just as I was walking out the door (literally) to drive to Phoenix to attend a 3-day Critical Incident Stress Management program for first responders and chaplains, I tore the outside meniscus in my right knee. At least that’s what the Physicians Assistant thought I did, although I’m unconvinced that’s the only thing I tore.

Anyway, much pain, an icy pack of corn, and two hours later, I was all crutched and braced up and driving up to Phoenix. I know; I’m a stubborn masochist. But the seminar was wonderful, and it was good to escape the distractions of unfinished work at home and be stimulated by learning (one of my favorite things to do).

The swelling subsided a bit, I did get to the point where I could put some weight on it, and I snagged a front-row chair where I could spread out and prop my leg up on a crutch. Sleeping was a bit more challenging, though, since moving around caused pain.

So I definitely felt the need for prayer! I needed a MRI as fast as they could get approval and schedule it (I had it very late last Friday afternoon), and a doctor’s read of it. (As I write this, I’m still awaiting that.)

So, with my big toe bone spur removal still in recovery mode, and this new injury added to that, my year is shaping up to be much different than the one I envisioned. Thankfully, we hadn’t made any specific plans (which is unusual), and most of my next several months is wide open and free to deal with it all.

 

But I really want this knee to heal well, so I can return to Spain to walk more of the Camino and visit my aunt and two uncles this summer and maybe do some hiking around Big Bear, Northern California, and Oregon. Those goals will require a delicate dance between my medical providers and me—in treatment, rehabilitation, patient adherence, and my old body’s healing response. I’ll need to be vigilant and rein in my tendency to overdo and push.

And I’ll need to be praying focused prayers, rather than just looking at the entire event pragmatically.

 

New Year prayers—

You may have already thought of many things you can bring before God in prayer, specifically for this new year; you may have already received specific prayer requests—like the young girl at my former church that was hit by a car after getting of the school bus this past week and is still unconscious; and a dear, older friend in the hospital for heart problems. And another friend’s sister-in-law who fell and hit her head on New Year’s Eve and never regained consciousness. Her husband had to make the decision last Monday to remove life support. Now the family is confronting profound, unexpected grief after the shock.

A lot of things have already gone very, very wrong in this New Year, and, so far, it’s been pretty rough for many people. And you likely feel a burden on your heart to pray for them.

 

Praying for yourself—

Truly, there is much to pray for.

But what about more general prayers, the ones we should probably be praying all of the time?

These would be personal prayers specifically for us, the ones that draw us closer to God, that delve us into seeking His heart, knowing Him better, being more like Him, preparing ourselves for the tough, ugly parts of life that get slung our way. The tough, ugly events that get slung in the way of friends and others.

 

Below you’ll find some ideas for self-prayer. I’ve developed them from Gospel for Asia founder K.P. Yohannan’s praying for yourself material. Hopefully some of them will touch your heart.

 

You could pray for:

  • mercy that you may endure, no matter what the year brings your way;
  • grace to be an encouragement to others;
  • strength to stand for God’s truth and justice in your home, your workplace and the public forum;
  • an extra measure of love so you can demonstrate God’s love and give hope to those around you;
  • help in seeing and loving people as God sees and loves them;
  • help in being an encourager to those despondent in spirit or frightened by the world’s precarious state;
  • help with believing in others’ potential;
  • help in living with an open heart and hand—in being generous as our Heavenly Father is generous to ALL;
  • help in loving others when no one else will;
  • help in knowing how to take care of yourself;
  • help in extending grace to others, as God has extended His grace to you;
  • help in believing in the seemingly impossible;
  • help in expecting God to show up and do great things;
  • help in deepening your prayer life in order to have a better relationship with the Father;
  • help in removing any unbelief or a jaded, cynical spirit;
  • help in self-discipline and holy living;
  • help with trust that God will meet your every need this year;
  • help in being obedient to God’s call and direction in your life;
  • help in developing a more thankful, worshipful heart, in all things.

 

These are just a few ideas. Nineteen of them to be exact. I’m sure you can add to the list.

I invite you to re-write them in prayer form, personalize them, use them as daily devotionals, or focus on the ones you know you really need help with.

 

NEXT WEEK we’ll explore the impact on your life of praying the Scriptures. And I’ll give you an example of what I’m specifically doing this month in that area.

Until then, don’t neglect to pray for yourself as you pray for others. Your relationship with the Father, and depth of it, depends upon it!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien