Mental Health – Andrea Arthur Owan

Navigating Life’s Energy-Draining Paths

I’m sure most, if not all of you reading this post have experienced what I’m experiencing right now: a feeling of hanging in limbo. As though you’re unsure of your next move and have difficulty planning your days.

There are a lot of reasons I can point to for my annoying, energy and motivation-sapping funk.

We’re planning a trip to see our grandbaby, and I’m antsy to go on a vacation to see her.
We’re doing home projects to get our house ready to sell (we think), and I’m weary of projects.
The weekly spring Bible study I taught recently ended, and I’m missing gathering with my beloved friends something fierce. (I’m also missing the rigors of studying and preparing to teach too.)
Post-COVID infection brain fog isn’t helping, either. It’s not occurring as often as it did, but when it hits, I patiently ride it out and try to re-focus. I’m usually, but not always, successful.

But what has probably dampened my world the most is the fact that my mother is likely nearing the end of her earthly journey.

We thought it would happen last year, in early December when she was diagnosed with COVID and went from a fairly energetic ninety-eight-year old to a ninety-nine-year old (she turned 99 during her bout with COVID and never knew she had a birthday) who was just a shell of the woman she had been.

Since she, as many older people did, got hit especially hard with neurological symptoms, including hallucinations and catatonic spaciness, her dementia worsened. And she went from being able to walk with her walker to being bed-ridden.

Of course, because I wasn’t allowed to visit her, I didn’t witness the transition. I only got the daily updates by phone from her caregiver. I was on the road with my husband to meet and hold our first grandchild. The worry and mental strain from wondering if I’d ever see my mother alive again weighed heavily on me. And threatened to vacuum all of the giddy joy out of holding my brand new granddaughter.

I had to remind myself that this was no surprise to God; that He was in control; and that there was really nothing I could do, except pray and hope.

At the end of this post, I’ll include the devotional I wrote about this event for Guideposts’ Strength and Grace daily devotions bi-monthly magazine. (I highly recommend this devotional for all the caregivers you know. The truths and encouragement you glean from the devotions are wonderful. It’s always amazing to me to what God teaches us through trials and heartaches.)

But getting back to my mom and how she’s doing now.

She’s really winding down, but I suspect we’re still on a roller coaster ride. Last week all of us—including her hospice nurse—thought she only had days to live. But when Chris and I arrived last Sunday for a visit, she was sitting up in the recliner, looking pretty alert. The day before, she chatted up a storm for a couple of hours, even though she was in bed.

Last Friday my afternoon activity was visiting the mortuary staff to make some decisions ahead of time, in case she takes her leave while I’m visiting my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter.

I can tell God is preparing my heart. I’m already shedding tears and coming to grips with the reality that I’ll be an “orphan,” without siblings to share long-ago memories.

That will be hard. And a little scary, I think.

I’ll have to chat with my aunt about that one. She’s also an only child and lost her parents years ago. At least she’ll be able to empathize and commiserate.

I’m sure all of these factors are contributing to my blah mental state and writer’s block. I’m trying to be patient with myself, recognize what’s swirling around me, lean into it, abiding in our gracious, loving Lord, and gaining perspective and strength from that abiding.

Which brings me to another reason

Post-Easter letdown.

The emotional, spiritual, and often physical investment of the forty days of Lent, Holy Week, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and then the rousing celebrating on Easter Sunday can result in a kind of let-down feeling. As though it all happened, and now it’s over, and a feeling of “what now?” niggles your spirit.

But if we look at what happened after the Resurrection, which we started to explore on April 19 post, we can see all that was going on with Jesus and His disciples and really bask in the joy of our salvation and future hope.

And that’s where we’ll be heading next week. To walk with Jesus’ followers, eavesdrop on their conversations. Try to feel their hearts as they encounter the risen Lord and learn what comes next in their lives.

And to witness the compassion and love of Jesus for His friends.

So, until the next post, which is scheduled to publish at 1:00 AM May 10 (I’m returning to Monday releases), may your heart be full of godly perspective and hope as you walk curvy, hilly and rocky paths of life!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”

 
Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

5 Steps for Spiritual Health and Renewal

I’ll begin this blog post with the same question I asked last week: Does your spiritual life feel non-existent, bland, or in dire need of a spiritual revival?

Then I went on to discuss how living solely on daily devotionals can cause your spiritual life to degrade to blah.

But what else might be missing in your spiritual life? How can you improve your spiritual health and be renewed?

That’s what we’ll look at today.

Feeling Disenchanted with your Christian Life?

Many Christians find their initial fervor in the faith wanes after a few years, and their hearts feel a little dulled. If you find yourself facing that dilemma, rather than just consider it normal, or trying to brush it aside, or convincing yourself that your spiritual life is really okay, you should ask yourself the following questions:

Are you consistently listening to or watching good, solid Bible preaching? The kind that challenges and stretches you; reinforces your faith. Gets you excited, or even convicted.

Just as daily physical nourishment is required for good health, you need to feed yourself with the solid word of God for your spiritual well being. No offense to the power of positive thinking crowd, but that kind of preaching doesn’t delve deeply enough into the meat of the gospels. The whole Bible. Find a good Christian radio station to listen to, a television or streaming program with strong, biblical preaching to watch.

Do you have a circle of strong Christian friends you fellowship with regularly?

Iron sharpens iron, and this fact can’t be missed, or dismissed. Even Jesus had his twelve and then his inner three, although the joke is that He had Peter, James and John follow Him around because they were the most likely to get in trouble, and He had to keep an eye on them.

Belonging to a solid, Bible-teaching congregation is critical to spiritual health. Find one and become an active participant.

Find a Bible study group and be sensitive to others that you feel connected to. Seek them out. Join them for coffee or lunch. Get your hearts knit together. You don’t need an army of them. Two or three friends that stick together, lift each other up, make you feel safe and blessed are what you need.

I wouldn’t be able to survive without mine.

Have you been baptized?

Getting Holy water dribbled on you as a clueless baby is a lot different than taking the full plunge in front of witnesses as an adult.

You’re making a statement, a formal commitment to Jesus Christ. Proclaiming yourself to be a follower. It’s a serious matter and incredibly joyful and freeing event.

Your church doesn’t submerse? It doesn’t have to be the Jordan River. Ask a pastor to join you and some friends in a backyard pool.

Are you partaking of Communion?

Every time you gather with other believers to profess Christ’s body and blood given in sacrifice for Christians, you are remembering the Lord and what He has done for you, and everyone else gathered there. It is a community event. It means you accept Him as your groom as He proposes to you, His bride.

It is also a time of introspection, since no one should come to the Lord’s Table without a repentant heart.

And let me go out on a limb here and say that I believe it to be perfectly acceptable to pour yourself a small glass of grape juice, (or wine), and snag a small piece of bread or a cracker (as a side note: the bread Jesus used would have been unleavened, not some fluffy loaf we think of), open your Bible to the passages on the Last Supper or verses remembering that event, pray fervently, and partake of Communion on your own.

Or ask a friend to join you. My husband and I and another couple did just that a couple of weeks ago, as we sat in our living room watching a live stream worship service that included Communion. The pastor encouraged it. And it was a particular joy to celebrate it with dear friends in this continued COVID distancing.

I know. I’m going to get some flack on that one, especially from denominations that believe only a priest is allowed to bless the elements, and that they must be properly blessed before consumption. If you are horrified at what I’ve said, please leave a comment and tell me why you believe that to be true. And please back it up by Bible references, not extra-biblical writing.

Finally, do you have an active prayer life?

After reading and studying His word, this is the primary way to connect with the Savior.

There is nothing like reading Scripture, praying it, praying for yourself, others, the body of Christ, your leaders, your neighbors, your friends and your enemies. And seeing those prayers answered, whether yes or no. It’s life changing. Like walking with God in the cool of the day. Pouring your aching heart out to Him. Getting down and dirty and honest about your life.

It’s how life is won—on your knees.

It gives you unexpected revelations, opens your eyes to truth. Helps you recognize and utilize God’s life-giving power.

It helps you understand just how deeply and profoundly and unconditionally you are loved by the Creator and Savior.

Invitation—

If you’re not using any of these steps to strengthen your spiritual life, I invite—and encourage—you to start now. You can jump into all five of them with both feet, or tread more slowly, selecting one or two to incorporate and pursue. But do pursue them!

And if you have another discipline that helps you strengthen your spiritual life, please share it with us in the Comments box.

And if you don’t yet have a relationship with the Savior and would like to know how to have one, text me at 520-975-6109 and leave a brief message. I’ll be in touch. Or email me at:

andreaarthurowan@gmail.com

Easter is a marvelous time to commit your life to Christ!

NEXT WEEK: As we approach Easter, we’ll look at the importance of the Cross. Without it, there is no Christianity.

Until then, take the next steps to deepen and solidify your spiritual life.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

Devotionals: Do You Live on Spiritual Sound Bites?

Does your spiritual life feel non-existent, bland, or in dire need of a revival?

If you answered yes, one possible reason is that you’re trying to live and nurture your spirit only on daily devotionals—hyper-short, spiritual sound bites that are really nothing more than soul snacks.

It’s become more and more of a problem as we’ve taken the easy way out and become a society of sound bite snackers, a reflection of our current bent in society—microwave and fast food, snippets of entertainment, 15-minute news shows (after you account for the incessant, interrupting commercials), Facebook tidbits, Twitter feeds, and out-of-context, twisted quotes.

And through all of that, statistics show that we’re becoming more disengaged, lonely and frustrated with life.

And our souls are taking a beating for it.

What’s the Problem with Daily Devotionals?

Nothing.

And plenty.

Don’t get me wrong. I like devotionals and even get paid to write them. But they can’t sustain you spiritually, and they shouldn’t be a substitute for nurturing yourself with larger, more satisfying and sustaining meals of full Bible reading and in-depth Bible study.

Devotionals simply don’t—and can’t—provide the deep, sustaining nourishment your spirit desperately needs.

It’s like our physical bodies that need to be fed more complex meals to grow and flourish—proteins, carbs, high quality fats. And even if you do choose to snack your way through the day with complete proteins, good fats and complex carbs, you wouldn’t stay healthy very long if you limited your daily snacking to one, fifteen-minute snack and nothing more.

The same can be said of devotionals. While they may help you focus on a single topic and give your soul a little satisfying taste or sample of God’s word, it’s not long before your soul is famished and craving nourishment again.

In order to have a rich and deep spiritual life, like well-nourished and tended soil a healthy plant flourishes in, you need a better, more soul-nourishing sustenance than devotional snacking gives you.

Another problem with a devotional is that the Bible verse associated with it is too easily forgotten. And the verse is often not connected with the broader context of the passage it was plucked from.

You miss deeper meanings. You miss full understanding. You miss the life-giving, life-changing, life growing “meat.”

It’s also like joining a group of people who’ve been in deep conversation about a topic for a while and having to quickly get brought up to speed with the discussion by asking the others what you missed, in order to hang in with them as they chat on. You get the elevator speech, but you usually never feel as though you’ve fully connected to the discussion.

Devotionals + More Nourishing Spiritual Food—

If you want to get to know something or a subject well, you spend time reading about it, researching it. Mulling it over. Going to source material to study it from eyewitness accounts.

If you want to get to know someone well, you spend time with her; get to know her intimately over tea, telephone conversations, heart-sharing moments. You ask her questions about her life history, her likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams. You watch her as she interacts with others. You listen intently to what she says and how she says it.

Like our ancestors knew a hundred years ago, you sit on the front porch with a friend and enjoy an iced tea or checkers and chat. Cell phone off or put away.

Love Devotionals?

If you love using devotionals, keep using them. But consider them snacks, short pick-me-ups in your day, not the main course. They’re appetizers for a larger, more satisfying fare—the whole word and picture of God and His Son, Jesus Christ.

Living off devotionals is spiritually risky. But there are rich, eternal rewards for taking time to immerse your mind, heart and soul in God’s word

Don’t miss out on the five-star meal!

Invitation—

Turn the devotional snack into a meal by opening your Bible and reading the entire chapter the verse was taken from. Learn the context, the before and after. The bigger picture and deeper meaning.

It’s good soul food.

Remember: Living on devotional snacks leaves your soul anemic and sick. If you want to have a satisfied soul and healthy spiritual life, dig in to the whole word of God, every day.

NEXT WEEK: More encouragement on how to have a richer spiritual life than daily devotionals can give.

Until then, make time in your schedule for enjoying the spiritual appetizers AND the main course!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

Grief, Positivity and Hope: Saying the Right Words at the Right Time

(This post is the last in a series on toxic positivity.)

Is your life missing peace? Does your soul feel empty and hungry? Does it feel as though the light in your life has been snuffed out?

At one time or another, most—if not all of us—have felt completely hopeless and experienced all the side effects of it. Chaos, sadness, depression, a lack of purpose or promise.

And we often need to express those scary feelings to another person. The kind of response we receive may end up making us feel worse and wondering if there is anyone, anywhere who understands our pain and is willing to walk alongside us while we’re groping and fumbling to get back into life.

In these times of heartache and trouble, what we need is not a pious platitude or super upbeat “think good thoughts and be happy” response. We need reality, and a reminder that goodness is out there, and we can find and have it.

The right response to deep grief and anguish—

For the last month we’ve been exploring a too-positive response to someone’s expression of grief and heartache and the problems this kind of response can cause.

And I also noted that too often Christians are the first to chime in with cheery, smiley, bordering-on-superficial responses. While the Bible passages they might share are true, they are shared improperly or at untimely moments.

Today we’ll take a look at how a writer of the Bible chose to response to the most horrendous of circumstances, with the reality of the situation, and the truth about God’s character.

The Lamentations of Jeremiah—

While we can find outpouring of heart and grief in the Psalms, one only need turn to Lamentations to locate funeral or dirge poetry and outpouring of grief so deep, the reader wonders how the writer can even go on living.

The dirges are for a people snatched from their homes and beloved city and dragged off to another country. He bewails the crumbling and destruction of their magnificent house of worship. The words recount a once-beautiful city and the ruinous state it now lies in. The tone and setting are dark and dismal.

Yet even after his outpouring of grief in his honest words of how he feels beaten up and bruised by God, Jeremiah calls to mind a sense of hope and where it comes from.

He reminds himself and the people that God is unchanging and faithful.

For twenty verses the prophet pours out his spiritual, emotional and physical agony, and then writes the well-known verses:

“Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’S great love we are

not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.”

And he continues:

“I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.’

The LORD is good to those whose hope is

in him,

to the one who seeks him;

It is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the LORD.”

For the rest of the chapter, which is a total of sixty-six verses, Jeremiah runs between profound lament, calling on God and voicing faith in Him, extolling God’s faithful character, and admitting to the people’s sins that brought on some of this calamity in the first place. He is raw and honest.

And keep in mind that the people were suffering unimaginable torment; in a time so bad they had reduced themselves to cannibalism. It is ugly, it is desperate, and it is grievous.

It certainly would not be a time for anyone to throw out “Look on the bright side. It’s not as bad as you think. God is good. All the time, God is good.”

And yet that is exactly what Jeremiah boils it down to: that God is indeed good and faithful and just, and this devastation they’re living through will not last forever, because God will make sure it eventually ends.

But before Jeremiah gets around to stating those facts, he grieves openly, completely and without apology. And because of this honesty, we can appreciate that cheery, pat answers and out-of-context Bible verses or ones delivered too quickly aren’t realistic, they don’t reflect life, and they don’t really reflect the Bible.

What a Hurting Person Needs—

As pastor Alistair Begg says,

“Hurting people want to know if there’s anybody around that understands how they feel, what they’re going through.”

A hurting person needs to know that the theology of God is not always one of sugary words and upbeat jargon but is also one of suffering, of pain, of lament. Of honest grief.

They don’t need cheerleaders. They need big hearts, open arms and listening ears.

Sometimes it’s okay in life to imitate the grieving, lamenting prophet. Sometimes it’s best to get it all out so you can think more clearly, to purge and cleanse your heart and soul.

While we can remind ourselves that God is, indeed, always faithful, always good, and always available to us, we also need to acknowledge that life is hard. Sometimes real hard.

Sometimes so hard it feels as though it’s going to break you.

And when we’ve poured out our hearts and come to the very end of ourselves, or listened to someone else do it, then is the time—in order to keep on going and persevering—we can and should remember, and remind a grieving person:

Because of the LORD’S great love we are

not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

As Pastor Begg encourages:

“Bring all that you know of God to bear on all that you know of your circumstances.”

Acknowledge your or someone else’s circumstances.
Be realistic about them.
Weep over them if you must.
And then remember God and bring Him into the healing equation.

Call to mind that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, and His mercies never end.

And that’s what gives you hope.

It’s about volition. And timing. And being honest about life and the sometimes horrendous reality of it.

And then remembering that a new morning is coming and because Jesus Christ lives, we can, indeed, face all our tomorrows.

Invitation—

If you are finding it difficult to call to mind the hope you have in God, please reach out to me with a text to 520-975-6109. Tell me your name and a little about your circumstances, and if you need someone to talk to about them. I’m available to help you with your healing.

And if you don’t know this amazing, forgiving God of hope and would like to know Him and have a relationship with Him, send a text message to the same number. Don’t let another day go by without making this decision!

Until next week,

Be honest with your grief and allow others to be too. Listen well and open your heart—to the pain of others and to the God who hears and heals.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

The Dangers of Positivity and How to Respond to It

When a friend or loved one comes to us, expressing her deepest emotional grief, pain or fear, often, our first reaction is to try to console or fix them, to ease their emotion or correct it so they can experience less pain and more joy. Or ease our own uncomfortable emotions at her honesty.

But are we doing her a disservice?

Probably. What we say and how we respond can help or wind up in the category of toxic positivity.

In my last three posts, I’ve talked a lot about what toxic positivity is, and how harmful it can be. Today we’ll look at what it looks and sounds like, how to turn it around to a constructive and helpful response, and how you can respond if you’re the recipient of it.

WHAT TOXIC POSITIVITY LOOKS LIKE—

When someone has expressed the deepest pain, grief, frustration or agony of her heart, have you ever heard someone respond in any of these ways?

“Cheer up, it could be worse.”
“Look on the bright side,” and then proceed to tell you what that is.
“He’s in a better place.” (If a loved one has died.)
“Focus on the good things.”
“Tomorrow will b your best life.”
“Just go with the flow.”

If you’re trying too hard to be and display positivity, you might also end up with a problem.

WAYS TO SPOT A FAKE POSITIVE ATTITUDE—

There’s at least one big clue to knowing whether or not someone is faking a positive outlook.

Look at their eyes and cheeks.

When someone displays an authentically happy smile, her cheeks scrunch up to her eyes, causing little creases to occur under the eyes. And the eyes narrow as they’re pushed toward the eye socket. The corners of her lips elevate. In short, the facial muscles get involved.

No Duchenne marker? Then the smile is likely a put-on, to make you think they’re happy, or they responded gratefully to your upbeat, think positive comment.

WATCH BODY LANGUAGE TOO—

Did she relax when you blurted out your happy comment? Did she nod gratefully, or thank you?

Or did she tense up, jerk, look down? Did her eyes fly open in shock or disappointment? Did she seem to go quiet or withdraw?

Watch how people respond to your statements, your words. Your body language. Pay attention to how you respond to those words.

THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF BEING TOO POSITIVE—

Inauthentic happiness can stress you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes the more you avoid negative thoughts, the bigger and more overwhelming they get. It becomes a self-defeating effort.

And if you internalize it, you can damage yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. For years.

If you’re a never-ending source of upbeat thinking statements, you might come off as being insincere, shallow, self-involved or uncaring. You could be in jeopardy to losing meaningful relationships. At the very least, others may stop sharing their hearts with you.

They might stop telling you the truth about how they feel and instead just stick to the surface issues in conversation. They’ll stop trusting you with their hearts.

For someone that hangs out with a super positive person, she might be in danger of denying herself and her true feelings, work too hard to conform to the positive person’s views, put on a fake demeanor, feel as though she’s walking on eggshells around Ms. Positive and exhaust herself trying to say the right things.

These kinds of responses are crippling to someone’s spirit. And I don’t think many of us want to do that to a friend, or to ourselves.

HOW TO RESPOND IF SOMEONE HITS YOU WITH TOXIC POSITIVITY—

How do you or should you respond when a super cheerleader type dismisses your expressions of tough or painful emotions?

On the extreme, you may have to set some pretty firm boundaries with him, either outwardly or discreetly, while you heal. Especially if the offender just won’t acknowledge his error or the damage his comments did to your spirit.

Quite often, though, the best response is to breathe deeply, remind yourself that your emotions are your emotions you need to acknowledge and maybe express, and then gently tell him how his response affected you.

And cut them some slack by giving them the benefit of the doubt.

You might say, “I know you meant well with your positive response, but that comment made me feel as though my emotions aren’t important or valid, and that you really weren’t listening.”

How he responds to that will tell you volumes about his heart and character.

You could let him off the hook by saying you know he didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with sharing your emotion, and if it really upsets him, you won’t share your feelings with him.

Or tell him that all you need right now is a listening ear and a listening heart. Someone to talk to.

Can you successfully balance pain-driven emotions with a positive outlook?

No question about it. Life is hard. Most people don’t get through life without having to confront pain, loss, a devastating event or major, stressful life change. And most people do survive them. But often they only survive. You wouldn’t say they managed to survive them well, and with honesty.

But there is a way to do that. To be hopeful (not necessarily sickeningly cheerful or sappy sweet) and be able to look forward with hope in the midst of the deepest heartache.

Join me next week when we’ll learn how we can do that, and not necessarily live an easy life, but live a hopeful one.

Until then, be a good listener, really hear what people are expressing, confirm their emotions and be careful with sharing your positivity.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.