Philosophy – Page 8 – Andrea Arthur Owan

How to Change Your Defects: Part 1

If you’re a Jesus-follower, you know God is in the defect-correcting business. At least you know it intellectually. Enjoying that experience is often elusive, though, because we aren’t always interested—or determined enough—to cooperate with God in His change process.

Or really believe and grab hold of His promise that He can do it.

What does God have to say about defect changing?

One of the most well known Scripture passages that addresses this issue is Romans 12:1-2.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (NIV).

I love the way Eugene Peterson said it in The Message:

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you. Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

Let’s turn these passages into defect-changing bullet points.

God is merciful.
Our bodies are important to Him.
Offering our bodies (that includes our mind) to Him is an act of worship.
Thoughts determine our feelings, and feelings often determine our actions.
We get ourselves into trouble when we allow the world to conform and mold us.
Our mind is the problem—if we want change, we need to start there. We often forget that our mind is a part of our body.
In order to change, our mind needs renewing.
In order for us to know God’s will for our lives, we must have renewed minds. No way around it.

Changing your defects sounds so basic, but it’s so difficult. Why?

The world and its forces are powerful. They don’t take kindly to people that push back against the status quo or current thought wave. We war against the principalities of darkness.

And we war against ourselves, our old, defect-laden nature. It’s hard to fight against yourself. It’s always much easier to give in, at least initially. Then it becomes something like feeding and satisfying the beast, and we find ourselves venturing down a road of darkness and perpetual frustration, anger, and sadness.

NEXT WEEK, we’re going to delve into the processes we need to go through to rid ourselves of those defects and effectively change. But for this week, I invite you to prepare.

Focus on your feelings, how you react emotionally to triggers or life events.

And then note your behavior. What is your autopilot fallback response to those feelings?

Is it anger, yelling, withdrawal, self-harm, eating, avoidance, giving in, shaming or shunning someone?

Behavioral psychologists often recommend that you write these feelings and responses down, so you get a better handle on what causes or triggers you to behave the way you do. It’s like writing down an, if this (happens), then that (happens) chart. I suspect you’ll find it eye-opening.

Then we’ll come back together next week to focus on the steps we need to take to change our defective behaviors, one defect at a time!

Until then, do some mind and feeling exploration. No blaming; just noting.

And remember, God is merciful!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Conquer Your Personal Defects

Do you have any nagging bad habits—character defects—you just can’t seem to get a handle on or conquer, in spite of all your efforts?

Maybe they’re defects (imperfections, sins, weaknesses, faults, flaws, deficiencies, shortcomings, inadequacies) you’ve decided to blame on your genes or behaviors your parents or parents’ parents have passed down to you.

Or perhaps you point your finger at your present or past circumstances—poor home nurturing while you were growing up, bad marriage, or just bad luck.

But what about those choices we make that undermine our physical, emotional and spiritual health? How do those fit into the puzzle, and what can we do about them?

Why are defects so hard to get ride of or conquer?

We moan and groan and cry out to God—sometimes repeatedly—to fix us, for Him to snap His mighty fingers and make all of the problems and issues go away.

But it often doesn’t happen. Why is that? Why do our defects seem to cling to us like sticky paper clings to our fingers? Several reasons come to mind:

We have the defects so long that they’ve become a part of us and morphed into nearly unbreakable habits.

Defects are also hard to conquer because we’ve learned to identify with them, and they’ve become comfortable parts of us.

“Oh, no, Andrea,” you say. “I don’t want it to be part of me!”

But maybe you do.

Think about how often you use your defect to define yourself. You say to yourself Well, that’s just the way I am. Or you talk about yourself as being an impatient or anxious person; a partier that loves to socialize and have fun with the crowd. Or you mask your controlling nature by saying you’re organized and just want to make sure things get done the right way.

You see an 80-hour workweek as a badge of productivity, although, if you’re honest, you were really pretty busy but not very productive.

How much do you identify with your defect? The more you identify with it, the more likely it is that your life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ve conditioned your brain, and your behavior, to automatically default to the defect because it’s comfortable and familiar. It’s easier to go along than it is to combat it.

Sometimes we hang onto our defects because they give us big payoffs.

One benefit of leaning on your defect may be that you can use it to avoid responsibility. For example, procrastination allows us to get out of things we didn’t want to do in the first place.

Defects can also get us the attention we desire. Having temper tantrums that make others walk around on eggshells gets attention. People will tend to try to placate you rather than go to battle with you.

What’s the down side to that? Those people don’t want to spend time with you, so they do everything they can to make sure they avoid you or make minimal contact with you.

They can also get us sympathy. Know anyone that likes to brag about their problems, the load they continue to carry around with them you know they could drop if they wanted to?

Another benefit of a defect is using it as an excuse to fail.

I remember when I was in 7^th grade, struggling in a math class. I got a C one quarter and went to my mom to break the bad news. (I’d always managed to do fairly well in math up until that point.) I was fearful she’d reprimand me. But that didn’t happen. Instead, she gave me a response that would plague me the rest of my life:

“Oh, that’s okay. I wasn’t very good in math either.”

And that was it—a “fact” I glommed onto as my own fate. After all, I was born with “bad math” genes, so why work harder or expect more from myself? The instant relief I felt was wonderful. The long-range results, not so good.

Years later, in late high school and college, I learned that my “bad math” genes could be rectified with harder, more concentrated labor and maybe some tutoring. But by then the damage had been done. I still told myself I just wasn’t very good at math. And I t stifled my career choices and academic success.

That doesn’t mean I could have been an engineer or physicist. But who knows? If I had been given a more positive, constructive response, I might have overcome and excelled in math.

Another problem we have shedding our defects is that we buy into the accusations the Deceiver whispers in our ears.

We just know we’re failures; that we can’t be helped; that we’ll never change, in spite of God saying that we can. And then we wallow around in grief over our plight and failures.

So who do you think is right? Who are you willing to put your trust in on this one?

Solutions to conquering our defects—

There are ways to combat our defects. Successful ways. And in the six weeks we’re going to look at ways to combat and conquer! Ways that will remake and reshape us. Ways that will renew our minds and behaviors.

Fair warning: some of the ways might be tough. But be assured, God is in the change and makeover business, and He stands by willing and able to help us succeed.

Preparing for next week—

As you look forward to next week’s blog post, I encourage you to take inventory on your defects, the things you’d like to change. The things you’re ready to change. Pray for God to reveal them to you. Write them down. Pray over them. And prepare for the work we’ll be doing this month.

Until then,

decide in your heart, and with your actions and words, that you’re going to stop making excuses for yourself or your family or circumstances and head out on the path of change. The path that will give you a more abundant and satisfying life!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Experience the Power of Praying the Scriptures

There are so many ways to pray. You can pray what’s known as “The Lord’s Prayer.” You can use table graces and heartfelt, meaningful prayers of the saints who have gone before us. You can pray what the Spirit brings to mind; groan when you are at a loss for words.

And you can use God’s word—Scripture—to reach the heart of God.

What’s so special about using Scripture to pray?

Making a habit of using Scripture to pray has many advantages. Here’s a list of the major things that come to mind.

Praying Scripture:

Reduces anxiety.
Helps you focus and hone in on specific needs and problems.
Molds your thoughts and guides your conversations.
Gives you the tools to pray more specifically and with a holy focus.
Allows you to pray more effectively in God’s language.
Can draw you closer to the heart of God and sooth your soul when you personalize His word.
Can give rest to your soul.
Gives you the opportunity to be steeped in it. And that has a profound effect on how you respond to life’s circumstances—good or bad.

A Scripture-Praying Case Study—

It invigorates me to use Scripture to pray specifically for my family, friends, church and myself. It seems to add power to my praying. But I haven’t always prayed that way.

I remember the first time my family and I used personalized Scripture praying. It was an eye-opening experience.

We were home schooling our two boys and gathering together nightly for family worship time. A time where we sang worship songs, chatted, read a Bible lesson and prayed together.

One night I selected some verses—I think from Psalms or Proverbs—and had each of the four of us use these verses to pray specifically, inserting our names into the passage where a name could be inserted.

When we finished praying aloud, we lifted our heads, looked at one another and let out a collective “Wow!” Each of us agreed it was powerful. Hearing our own voices and the voices of others speak Scripture directed to ourselves made a deep impression.

Ever since that experience so many years ago, I’ve tried to pray Scripture for my husband, my sons, my daughter-in-law (who joined our family in 2016), friends and other family, and myself.

Example of praying the Scriptures:

There are so many Scriptures I could use as examples, but a couple of my favorites are:

Psalm 1:1-3 (personalized)

Lord, I want my sons and daughter-in-law, (I name them individually), to walk in the counsel of the godly, not in the path of sinners, nor in the seat of the scornful, so that you may bless them.

May they each (again, I name them individually) delight in your law, God, and meditate upon it day and night.

So they may be like trees, planted by the rivers of waters, and bring forth fruit in their seasons. May they be trees whose leaves do not wither; and may they prosper in whatever they do!

Another favorite of mine to pray is Colossians 1:9-12 (personalized).

Lord, May I be filled with the knowledge of your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding. May I walk in a manner worthy of my Lord Jesus Christ. May I please you, God, in all respects and bear fruit in every good work. I want to increasingly grow in the knowledge of you, O God, and be strengthened with all might, according to your glorious power! May my life express joyous thanks to you, Father, for your grace to me.

In four verses, this prayer acknowledges God’s power, authority, wisdom and blessings. And it’s a prayer that seeks to be blessed by God, to be strengthened by Him, and to grow in grace and live a well-lived, pleasing-to-God life.

It’s also a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. One that leaves your heart awed, humbled, grateful, and happy!

If you’ve never before prayed the Scriptures, I hope this gives you encouragement to do so and a place to start.

Please let me—and others—know how it impacts you and your prayer life!

Until next week, when we’ll embark on a new topic for the month of February, speak God’s word back to Him. He promises it will never return void. Knowing that promise emboldens your convictions and enriches your heart in unexpected ways!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Start your New Year with a Health Self-Assessment Instead of Resolutions

Well, it’s likely that you’ve fully embraced your New Year’s resolutions and are hot on the path of pursuing them, you have them written down, or you have them tallied up in your mental storage.

But if you want to make life changes, is that the best way for you to start?

Instead of coming up with an endless list of resolutions, why not try a more focused approach, one that is more likely to bring you success.

Why not try formulating an annual overall health self-assessment first?

Advantages of first doing a health self-assessment—

Most people realize that the majority of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned with the first month of the new year. While there may be many reasons for that, an important one is that the resolution was either not carefully thought out or planned out.

There really was no solid basis for the resolution and logical path to follow to get there.

What is a health self-assessment?

With a self-assessment, you can gather the critical information to allow you to take a magnifying glass look at exactly where you are in life, identify the paths that need the most attention, care and adjustment and give you a guide for designing a change blueprint, making those important changes, increasing your chances of success and enjoying satisfying and effective life changes.

But what areas should you target in your assessment?

5 self-assessment focus areas—

Spiritual. While most professionals will list physical s the first category, I argue that your spiritual life is the most important one and the category upon which you structure and develop the other four.

Why is spiritual so important? Because a healthy spiritual life, with weekly church or religious organization attendance and involvement, has been shown to be a critical component in all communities where longevity and effective aging are the most successful. (We’ll explore this more when we talk about Blue Zones.)

Studies show spiritual health is associated with greater wellness. So if your aim is for wellness, why not use spirituality as your strong foundation? Something that involves more than just personal meditation (which is a critical component), or interacting with nature (also important).

My Meditation Mondays blog posts can help you with the spiritual category; but for now, make a personal assessment on how much time you spend—

Meditating
Praying
Attending church or a religious service
Gathering with like-minded friends of the same faith

Decide what you need (more Bible study, more prayer, engage with a local congregation) and take whatever steps are necessary to open and enrich your life to your spiritual needs and health.

Physical. Always focus on staying healthy, but make sure you fashion your fitness plan or program to meet specific goals.

Don’t be vague or general. Make a list of specific goals you want to meet. If you want to gain a certain cardiovascular fitness, decide what that fitness level will be and what it will take to reach it and maintain it.

What if you’re older and just want to aim for having more energy to run around with your grandkids, without having stiff knees or back, or couch-calling fatigue. What is it that’s driving you and the change or goal?

Knowing the specific answers to these questions will help you stay motivated and enjoy more success.

Intellectual. Make sure you devise a category, and activities, to exercise your brain and mental stamina.

Learn something new.
Play board games or crossword puzzles.
Study a subject you’re unfamiliar with.
Pick up a new activity. Exercise a different way. (Yes, this does trigger brain neuron growth.
Take a class at a local college or community college. Many colleges allow senior citizens to audit classes without charge.
Take an existing passion or skill to a new level. Improve upon what you already do or know.
Join a book or chess club, or conquer your public speaking fear by joining Toastmasters!

Social. This is another Blue Zone must—having a strong social network. We’re not talking a fraternity house number of friends, but a handful of really close people you can share your heart with. People who support and encourage and pray for you. Those you can call for help and rely on. People you can laugh and cry with, dine with, and live out life with.

Financial. Stressing about financial issues is one of the type 5 stressors on the life stress and depression-triggering list. It’s also one of the top reasons couples end up in counseling and divorce court.

So do the dirty (and probably unsavory) work of figuring out your financial status and what you need to do to improve it. While some of the changes you have to make may be drastic, like forgoing any dining out or downsizing from a spacious home to a cozy apartment. Purging the stuff you hoarded and stored in the garage. Living more simply.

These are not quality of life changes, but they might be quantity. Once you bite the bullet, so to speak, and make them, you’re likely to enjoy the simplicity and freedom you feel as you reduce your debt and feeling of being chained to work and monthly debt payments.

Decide what you want to do—like travel more, maybe—and draw up some plans and charts to meet that goal.

So start your 2019 right! Take the steps to really make this new year happier health-wise.

NEXT WEEK: We’ll take a quick look at the new fitness guidelines and talk about what they mean for you!

Until then,

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

Finding Hope, Healing, and Purpose in the New Year!

Are you facing 2019 with doubt, uncertainty, frustration, life fatigue, or lingering heart and brain naggings about your past, ones that hold you back from accomplishing your hopes and goals or keep you from having dreams?

If so, I’d like to leave you with a few thoughts today that may give you insight and encouragement, to remind you that you do have a hope and a future.

There are so many things I could say to offer you encouragement, but I’m going to give you some uplifting quotes that may give you a new or fresh perspective, or simply cause you to nod in agreement or put a smile on your face. Get you all excited about the New Year! Ones you can write down and keep with you to read when you need a pick-me-up.

So here it goes!

I can’t say I’m a huge Willie Nelson fan, but he did say something I agree with and like:

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

Why do you think that’s true?

Maybe it’s because having a positive attitude and demeanor completely changes your perspective on everything you do and encounter in life. People respond differently to you, and you treat them differently. I think you’ll enjoy life more.

The aging paradox—

Wisdom is supposed to come with age, but sometimes it feels as though you’re not gaining anything, except a slower mind and droopy skin.

We’re all getting older, but some of us are feeling our aging more than others, and we’re concerned. Keep these things in mind when doubts nettle your heart and brain—

“Don’t feel obligated to act your age.”

And this one—

“Your body may be tired, but you can chase squirrels and leap fences in your dreams.”

Both are quotes by Cynthia Copeland in her adorable book Really Important Stuff My Dog Has Taught Me.

How true that second quote is. And it actually keeps your brain young!

And along with that thought, here’s what C.S. Lewis had to say about aging and dreaming—

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

In her wonderful book, Really Important Stuff My Dog Has Taught Me, Cynthia Copeland also writes about aging gracefully—

“Age neither defines a dog, nor overwhelms his thoughts. Because they live in the present, dogs don’t see time the way we do, regretting years gone by and obsessing over the days that are left. An old dog doesn’t focus on what he can no longer do, but what he still can do. Dogs cope, they adapt, they look for reasons to wag their tails. And no matter what, they never do the math and figure out how old they are in dog years.”

Whenever I’ve used the “I can’t do that, I’m (so many years) old,” my younger son Cory says, “Now, don’t look at it that way! You’ve got to keep going, keep dreaming. You can do whatever you set your mind to do!”

He’s right, only sometimes I have to alter what it is I want to set my mind to do. There is reality, but that doesn’t mean I have to stop dreaming. Like any old dog, I may sleep more and longer, take shorter walks, jump lower and catch fewer balls. But I’ll still try.

And if being able to do something means I need to change my eating, sleeping or exercise habits to accomplish or enjoy it, then making those changes seems worth it to me.

So putting all of those ideas into perspective, I can whittle it down to a good bullet list:

Don’t let my age define me (young or old!) or anyone else.
Don’t waste time or mental real estate thinking about my age.
Stop regretting the years gone by, the mistakes, the sins, the missed opportunities. (This is probably one of the biggest problems I, and many others, have. We saddle our brains and hearts with what ifs.)
Don’t think about the days you have left. No one knows the answer to that anyway. Thank God for every new day you wake up to serve Him and enjoy your family and friends and life.
Focus on what you can do not on what you can no longer do.
Cope and adapt. Look for reasons to wag your tail and give thanks!
And stop counting the years!

I made a mental note to stop counting the years this last birthday—my big 6-0. I had a party and told my family and friends it was the last formal celebration I’d have (and maybe even the last birthday I’d really recognize), until I turned 70, if—God willing—I lived that long or Jesus didn’t return first. My older son said, “Yeah, I don’t believe that.” (Snark.)

But I intend to keep my word. This February will be a new birthday, and I will officially “end” my yearlong 6-0 celebrations. Celebrating for a year sounds self-indulgent, I know, but I had some very good reasons to do that. I returned to Hawaii to face some personal mental demons and slay them. I went to Disneyland for my actual birthday to relive some precious childhood memories. While there, I realized that I could, if I wanted, still fulfill a childhood dream to work at the Happiest Place on Earth. There are plenty of “older” people working in the park, doing fun things like entertaining children and dressing in really cool costumes. (That speaks to my residual thespian heart.)

In the last several years I’ve worn braces. I told my family and friends that I didn’t know how many more years I have, but if I happened to live as long as my parents (88 and still going at 97!), I might as well have straight, healthy teeth. Then came the unexpected gum graft this year, brought on not by age but by genetics and overzealous teeth cleaning. Then I recently had that bone spur chopped off my big toe, something I’ve putting off for a couple of years. Next year I plan to have regenerative medicine injections.

A friend recently said, “Wow, you’re having everything worked on!”

I laughed before saying, “Yeah, but there are few parts that need work that I won’t be doing anything about!” Then we both guffawed together. Since she’s in her late 70s, she understood.

Some life possibilities in the back of my mind—

And I can find a good ukulele teacher and go back to playing that instrument. And take acting lessons, learn how to speak French much better than I do, and attend our church’s Spanish church to sharpen my Spanish language skills for when we return to Spain for another leg of the Camino, again, God willing.

And then there’s the calligraphy program I have that I haven’t cracked open. It’s been sitting on my shelf for years, along with special ink pens my family has gifted me. I used to be quite adept at it, and even calligraphied the addresses on all of my wedding invitations and thank you cards. It appealed to my artsy side, and I found it relaxing. I also liked to crochet for the same reasons. I’ll be making blankets this year for the family members.

I’m sure if you sat down and re-hashed your long-forgotten dreams you’ll arrive at some you’d still like to pursue, even if it means you won’t ever be able to excel in them because of your age and lifetime limits.

And don’t feel obligated to change the world. If we all tried to make our little corner of it better, the ripple effect would be tremendous.

Are you hanging on too tightly to your past?

In her wonderful book The Choice: Embrace the Possible Dr. Edith Eva Eger says something that snagged my heart and gave me so much release of guilt and regret of unfulfilled or damaged dreams.

“If I’d know my mother would die that day, I would have said a different word. Or nothing at all. I could have followed her to the showers and died with her. I could have done something different. I could have done more. I believe this.

“And yet. (This “and yet” opening like a door.) How easily a life can become a litany of guilt and regret, a song that keeps echoing with the same chorus, with the inability to forgive ourselves. How easily the life we didn’t live becomes the only life we prize. How easily we are seduced by the fantasy that we are in control, that we were ever in control, that the things we could or should have done or said have the power, if only we had done or said them, to cure pain, to erase suffering, to vanish loss. How easily we can cling to—and worship—the choices we think we could or should have made.”

Read these particular lines again:

How easily the life we didn’t live becomes the only life we prize.

How easily we can cling to—and worship—the choices we think we could or should have made.

Is there a memory or regret you’ve been clinging to, something you’ve cherished and won’t let go, to the point of worshiping and making an idol out of it?

There are several things on my list, and I’ve determined that I must—for my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health—boot them off the memory idol throne and put them in proper perspective.

And finally, two more quotes to rev up your New Year—

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.” Albert Einstein

And one by the most well known and popular children’s book writers that ever lived—

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

Happy New Year!

Start dreaming, hoping, healing and forgiving,

and make it great!

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).