Category: Spiritual Balance

How to Start Your Year Right, With a Personal Retreat

Are you feeling a little post holiday-letdown melancholy? Today I’ll give you a tip on how to combat it.

I was feeling a whole lot of letdown. Because we’d been remodeling our home, the decorations and tree went up just days before Christmas, and then it all seemed to be over so soon. And I was trying to extend the festivities. The emotional, feeling part of them.

 

Our holidays were unexpectedly full and joyous, and I was still trying to live on the happy fumes. The house became eerily quiet after our kids and their wives and sweethearts departed. My heart ached over the feeling of loss, and I didn’t want to let go of their happy, energetic presence. Their spirits still lingered in the house.

But the outside world was busy moving forward and trying to drag me (and other reluctant earthlings) along with it. Even when I found myself out grocery shopping January 2, I was in a happy, festive mood. Everyone else in the store, though, seemed anxious and grumpy. The store was packed with edgy people, all getting in one another’s way. Couples were yelling at each other about taking too long to find a particular food.

When I arrived at the checkout counter, the young woman and I struck up a conversation. The topic of the stressed out and angry clientele came up. “I know,” she said. “It’s awful. I don’t like it. Everyone seems upset.” She went on to say how happy and relaxed she felt and the customers were chipping away at that.

And that was on January 2, the second day of the New Year!

The second grocery store I wound up shopping in was already hawking Valentine’s Day chocolates, not too far from their deeply-discounted Christmas ware. Home improvement stores were already displaying their spring and summer items.

But I’m determined to ease into 2020 a bit more slowly and intentionally divest myself of the holiday trappings.

So last week, I took some action.

While some of our decorations were beginning to disappear from our shelves and walls, the Christmas tree was still full. And I decided to use it to my advantage last Thursday.

 

My intentional retreat day—

I had planned a full-day retreat, a day to seek God’s direction. To read, pray, sing, praise and zero in on life and where I was headed—or should be. Not just for this year, but potentially for the next five to seven years, or entire decade (since we just started a new one).

I originally had a grandiose idea of going to a local botanical garden, to wander along their winding desert paths and sit on a bench to read and write in my journal. I thought the peaceful surroundings would give me just the jolt and inspiration I needed to receive a word from the Lord.

But my budget and unexpected cold, cloudy and windy weather disrupted those plans. So I enjoyed a warm-up sojourn around our hilly neighborhood and then settled down in our library with my Shetland sheepdog, Dolly, in front of our library fireplace.

And I turned on the Christmas tree lights to add an atmosphere of joy and promise.

The results—

After a day of reading voraciously, praying, and filling pages of my journal, I finally felt ready to bid adieu to the holidays, tuck the precious memory of them into my hart, box up the tree and ornaments, and step firmly into the new year, and decade.

 

What a retreat day can do for you—

Taking that time helped me focus and open myself up to possibilities and hope. It helps you slow down, extract yourself from the world and its incessant, tiresome demands, and focus on the important stuff. I would highly recommend to everyone that they take a retreat day before we get too much further into the year and other demands or allow well-meaning people take you in directions you hadn’t planned on, or shouldn’t be going.

The time leaves you refreshed and excited. Content. More focused, purposeful and intentional. And that gives you a feeling of control, something so important to our emotional well-being.

Now my husband is trying to figure out when he can take his own personal retreat day, something that always recharges his emotional, spiritual and physical batteries.

 

Planning and taking your own personal retreat—
  • Try to block out an entire day. But if you don’t have the luxury of a full day, then block out a 4-hour time period in the morning or afternoon.
  • Turn off your smart phone and stash it someplace where it won’t be a distraction or temptation. Turn off your computer and any other electronic devices.
  • Make sure you’re by yourself and won’t have to endure interruptions. If you have babies at home, hire a babysitter and head out to a favorite place to enjoy your retreat, preferably someplace quiet. Ask your spouse to take care of the kids for a day. If you’re choosing a Saturday, have your husband/wife take the kids to the zoo, the movies, or a kids’ museum so you can retreat uninterrupted. You need to be able to focus on what God’s saying to you without worrying about distractions.
  • Grab your Bible, journal (or notebook/paper), and a pen, prayer beads, and anything else that will help you focus on God, your relationship with Him, and the direction he wants you to take this year.
  • Write down the activities that make you happy, the ones that really recharge and satisfy you. Make a mental note of doing more of those this year. Pencil them into your calendar for January to get a kick-start.
  • Identify your strengths and weaknesses, and brainstorm how you can utilize your strengths and dilute your weaknesses.
  • Make some notes on the tremendous blessings in your life, including people, events, work, etc. Thank God for those.
  • Identify the things in your life that are time-wasters and energy-drainers. What are you doing just because someone else wants you to do it, or because you feel guilty if you don’t. If you must do them for a good reason—like maintaining the family finances or health—ask God to give you a heart for them. Otherwise, make a point of releasing yourself from these wheel-spinning activities.
  • Identify what areas of your life you could change in order to give yourself more freedom and joy. Does your home need a thorough run-through, to throw out old clothes, unread and will-never-read books, and dust-gathering knickknacks that don’t fall into the family heirloom category. How can you simplify your life, and what can you do to achieve that goal?
  • Identify those people in your life that you’d like to spend more time with and develop a plan on how to achieve that goal. What individuals or groups do you want to nurture friendships with?
  • Choose any area of your life and pray about how you might make it more enjoyable or prosperous.
  • Identify areas God wants you to expend your energies. Remember that His yoke is easy and His burden is light!
  • Pick out some Bible verses to pray, personalize, and write down, and post in conspicuous places in order to remind you of your focus.

 

Will all of your plans come to fruition by December 31? Probably not, but as God reminds us, people perish without a vision.

 

Our (my husband and my) year will be focused on getting out of all debt, gaining freedom and preparing for retirement in the next five to seven years. For us, that means we have to forgo our coveted travel (even to the Northwest to visit our boys and daughter-in-law).

Since travel is one of our high-priority activities, it’s going to be tough. But we’re already looking forward to the possibilities and rewards, and are experiencing a new sense of freedom and control. It’s triggering ideas for alternative, scaled-down, budget-friendly activities. And it’s a great place to be in a marriage.

Now it’s your turn. You’ve got 18 days left in January. Pick out a day and get refreshed through a retreat! Face this year with joy, promise and expectation.

Until next week,

May your new year, and decade, get off to a great and promising start!

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro, and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives — physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

Helping Others Deal With Grief Over the Holidays: Part IV

I had to make a difficult phone call yesterday.

Last night, after a day of work and an evening church meeting, I called my aunt.

Normally I would look forward to calling her because I love chatting with her. We’re like-minded, she’s sharp, she has some great life stories to tell, and she’s got a great sense of humor. We’ve gotten really close over the past ten years, especially since the untimely death of her only daughter, Jan, who fought valiantly and then succumbed to ovarian cancer ten years ago.

But yesterday’s call was difficult because it was the 40th anniversary of the death of her son Jeff, my beloved cousin and Jan’s older brother, who was killed in a tragic car accident on the icy roads in Northern California—on his way south to their home near Anaheim, California, for Christmas.

It was a devastating day. And I called her to let her know I was thinking about her.

A mother never forgets those days. Decades don’t remove the pain and regret.

 

She knew what I meant when I told her I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. And she thanked me and told me she appreciated it.

Then we had a really nice chat. As we talked, her spirits seemed to perk up. We caught up, laughed and loved through the satellite connection.

It was a sweet time. But the reason behind our special connection on yesterday’s date, December 16, was heartbreaking.

 

Is someone in your circle suffering loss or grief?

Does someone you know need an “I’m thinking about you today,” call? Who do you know that’s been suffering a loss of a loved one, a divorce, an estrangement from a spouse, parent or child? Who around you needs to know that someone is thinking about them during this time of extreme joy and extreme loneliness?

Reach out and connect, some way, with them today. Even a simple call can do wonders for a grieving person’s spirit. On Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day. Make sure the grieving in your circle of friends or acquaintances are watched over and loved during the holidays.

 

NEXT WEEK: Helping you deal with your own grief during the holidays.

Until then, reach out and connect.

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

How to Cope With Grief During the Holidays—Part 1

The holiday season is fast approaching. I can’t believe we’re already into November, and the close of the year is just a squeak over seven weeks away. I’m not ready for it mentally. But at least I’m looking forward to the potential joy and peace of it. Feelings many, if not most people, don’t enjoy during the holiday season.

 

While many of us look forward to the holidays with joy, too many look forward to them with dread and heavy hearts. Many of us anticipate fun days full of children and grandchildren laughter and squeals of delight, silent nights and flickering candles shared with church family and friends. Roasted turkey in the middle of a table surrounded by grateful loved ones.

 

But what about the couple whose cancer-stricken child won’t be seated at the table with them this year, or ever again?

What about the despondent mother whose husband has just walked out the door, and she doesn’t know how she’s going to provide any kind of holiday for her two shell-shocked children?

What about the older widow who will have to spend the day alone because her children live a couple thousand miles away, and no one in her tiny sphere has thought of inviting her to join their family for festivities?

Or the aged man confined to a memory care facility, without family members or friends.

 

Coping with grief (and thriving) at this time of year—

It seems like a morbid subject to discuss during this otherwise festive (market and product-driven) time of year, but that’s the subject I’ll be covering for this month and most of December—

How to make it through the grief that can overwhelm us at this time of year, and help others around us slog through it too.

Aside from recent pain, holidays can open up old wounds. Melancholy and depression can be overwhelming. Just how can we help ourselves, and those around us, get through this time of year with a modicum—or more—of joy and look forward to a new year full of hope and promise?

 

Our goal won’t be too forget our pain—the circumstances or the people it swirls around—but to work through it. To use it to our advantage, to gain strength and hope from it.

To resist the forces that would bury our hearts alive.

Preparing our hearts for the holidays—

We’ll formally begin this process next Monday. But until then, I want to give you something that will encourage your heart.

Remember that God is for you, not against you, no matter what others insinuate or what your broken and disillusioned and shocked heart may tell you. Or what the evil one may whisper in your ear.

God stands ready, willing and able to hold you close, carry, or walk you through it.

 

And for those of you who look forward to the holidays with rejoicing, be on the lookout for people who need comfort and a tender, encouraging word.

 

And maybe a place at your celebration table.

Until then,

Prepare to dig and go deep, with yourself and others.

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

8 Steps to a Good Night’s Sleep

A couple of weeks ago I promised to let you know how I’ve changed my sleep patterns and how that’s been going for me. Well, today I’m going to give you my new ritual and let you know how it’s measuring up.

The process of deciding on and planning for a good night’s sleep—

The first thing I did wanted to decide, once and for all, what time I wanted—needed—to go to bed every night and how much sleep I would aim for nightly if I were going to be a fully functioning, alert individual.

1) First, I decided on a no later than 10:00 PM in bed and lights out schedule and a 6:30 AM wakeup. I know from past experience that I function best on 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night and usually lean toward the longer number of hours.

2) Second, I set my smartphone to switch to darker yellow light at 8:00 PM. With the bedtime schedule set on it, the phone alerts me at 8:00 that I need to be in bed at 10:00, and that my preparations should start at 9:00. (I get plenty of warnings.)

3) Unless I miscalculate on preparation hours, or an emergency deadline or need arises, I shut of my computer by 8:00 PM, preferably 7:00. If I’m really motivated, I don’t get on it after 5:00.

4) Around 8:00 PM, I start dimming lights around the house or shutting most of them off completely. When I enter my bedroom at 9:00, I turn on my bedside light and leave the main, intensely bright lights, off.

All of this helps trigger my melatonin production to prepare me for sleep.

5) If I need or want to shower to relax, I shower around 9:00 and prepare for bed in a relaxed manner.

6) No later than 9:30, I’m in my little sitting room just off my bedroom, with a good book in hand, reading. I’ve stopped reading in bed, with my head cocked at an obtuse angle, putting strain on my neck muscles, back and hands.

7) A little before 10:00, the engineer and I hold hands and say our bedtime prayers. And we always ask for a good, peaceful and restful night’s sleep.

8) Then it’s off to bed. Nightstand lights out. At 10:00, my phone conveniently darkens its screen and shows little stars and a slivered moon as it blocks any incoming calls, text messages or emails from waking me up. The phone doesn’t even vibrate. It just stores everything until the next morning. It takes its place on my nightstand, ready to awaken me with lovely, soothing music that gradually gets louder until I turn it off. Once I do, the screen greets me with Good Morning!

 

How has my bedtime ritual benefited me?

Sleep is arguably one of the most important times of our day. Lack of it causes a host of physical problems, including weight gain and inability of the body to shed toxins or rejuvenate itself or heal properly. Lack of sleep can also cause depression, worsen it, and lead to cognitive dysfunction and physical and emotional stress.

The first night we tried our new sleep schedule we were amazed by the results.

Doing the new schedule was difficult for the engineer because he usually returns to the computer right after dinner and sits for hours in front of the blinding screen before running directly from his office to bed. If he wanted to try to unwind—do something mindless before bed—he might watch an old movie on television before hitting the sack.

He wasn’t sleeping well.

Within 15 minutes of starting our reading, though, our eyelids felt so heavy that we had to quit reading earlier than expected. Both of us fell asleep instantly when our heads hit the pillows. When my music started the following morning, I had already started awakening naturally to the sunrise and wasn’t jarred awake by the music.

It was actually a pleasant wakeup, and I felt energized and ready to go.

But first, I took the advice of my Shetland sheepdog (and all of the cats that have condescended to live with me over the years) and did some stretching in bed before swinging my legs over the side of it and letting my feet hit the floor. After toileting, removing my retainer and brushing my teeth, I am ready for some light calisthenics that get my blood pumping and lungs ballooning.

 

After five weeks of this regimen, I’ve never felt better after a night’s sleep! With the increased melatonin production, my body is always ready to lay it down, even if I add some light exercises to the regimen before showering or grabbing my book to read. And my night’s sleep is deeper and more rejuvenating.

When I skip this regimen during the weekend and go to bed too late, and without my reading ritual, I can feel it. Maybe it’s my age (most probably it is), but I can’t shake that lousy bedtime preparation off like I used to.

 

Physical benefits of sleep—

One of the big benefits, after trying nearly everything else in the way of diet and exercise, is that I’ve managed to shave eight pounds from the scale! Yippie!

The better and longer sleep, in combination with

  • making sure I avoid all of the foods that cause problems for me or cause inflammation (inflammation can wreak havoc on your sleep);
  • regular (3-4 days a week of strenuous cardio and weight lifting exercise) exercise; walking leisurely (about a mile) after dinner to ramp up the digestion;
  • walking a more fast-paced mile every other morning and on the days I add several strenuous nighttime calisthenics to my daily activities;
  • not eating unless I’m hungry and then maybe deciding not to eat even then;
  • making my evening meal the lightest one of the day and always making sure I consume it by 6:00 PM;
  • not going to bed within 3-4 hours after eating;
  • not exercising within 3 hours after eating;
  • avoiding most desserts and reducing my sugar intake;
  • ditching the coffee;
  • reducing my dairy product consumption;

has done wonders for my energy level and improving the way I feel physically.

 

Psychological and emotional benefits of sleep—

I’ve also found that my melancholy and depression has reduced significantly. And when it does sneak up on me, I am more capable of resisting and combatting it. For that I am most grateful.

I’m more alert, less sluggish. I have more energy for exercising.

 

But now that the days are getting shorter and the nighttime is lengthening, I may lengthen my sleep. The engineer and I call it “keeping farmer’s hours.”

Doing a better job at maintaining the rhythm of life.

But there are certainly bound to be days when I’ll need to arise before the sun does, so I’m purchasing a sunrise “alarm” clock. If you’ve never heard of one, it gradually lights up at the rate the sun would come up and illuminates the room as a sunrise would.

People I know who use one swear by them, and the reviews are good. I’m ordering mine this week, so after I’ve had a chance to try that out for a while, I’ll give you my take on that method.

 

The engineer and I are ecstatic with our sleep results. And to add extra melatonin help, we’ve started using a major brand name lotion that contains both lavender (a soothing sleep aid) and melatonin. The engineer swears it helps kick his sleep into high gear.

Next, he wants to try taking melatonin when he has to travel overseas on business, when sleep is usually at a premium and not restful.

 

If any of you have used melatonin for travel, I’d love to hear your feedback!

 

Until next week,

Happy sleeping!

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

What does Painting a Block Wall Have to Do With Life?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the difficulties of life and besetting sins lately, particularly while I’m straining to paint my entry wall, the L-O-N-G and H-I-G-H block wall that runs along our LONG driveway. (Are you getting the impression that I think it’s tediously long?)

I love the wall, but not when I have to paint it.

I know. I should crack open my piggy bank and buy a paint sprayer, but I’m too cheap, am watching my home improvement budget like an eagle eyeballs prey, and I keep telling myself that all of this back breaking labor is good for my health.

Ah, exercise. Lots of it.

 

The main problem—

The problem with my block wall is that it’s not smooth. Block is formed concrete, and that concrete has plenty of little pockmarks and pits. Sometimes air pockets formed during curing causes holes. Big ones. And fifty-one years of blistering sun and monsoon rains have caused even more pitting.

And that means that even if I use the fluffiest, puffiest roller cover made especially for the roughest surfaces, I can’t make the paint ooze nicely into those cracks, pits and holes. I need to lean and press while I’m rolling, really put my back into it.

And apply more paint to the roller and go over it again. And dip a thick brush into the paint and use that to coax paint into the cracks, pits and holes.

 

And it’s the same thing with those pesky, besetting sins I seem to continuously struggle with, the ones I either have difficulty giving up, or the ones I—if I’m honest—am not so motivated to relinquish.

Like the cracks in the wall, I need to keep working to erase them and cover them, to allow the Spirit of God to reshape, mold, and fashion me into the vision He has for me. The vision that is the most pleasing; the best vision for me. If I don’t do the best job I can on painting that wall, the weather will quickly undo what I’ve done, and the wall will look ugly.

After the paint dries, I need to walk back outside to the wall and observe it from both a distance and close-up, to better identify areas I’ve missed. Areas where the paint was applied thinner than it should have been to properly cover the wall.

And so I get the roller and brush loaded up with paint again, touch up, and re-observe again. I might have to do that several times.

It’s exhausting and often frustrating that I can’t get it all done—easily—the first time.

Once again, the same is true for my trespasses. I need to work on them, stand back and observe them, see where they need work and correction. Understand how I need to submit to and work with the Master Painter to work out my salvation and be rid of those trespasses once and for all.

 

I know I’ll never reach perfection while still planted on this orb. Like Paul, I know what I should do and still don’t do it; and I do what I know I shouldn’t be doing. Part of being a fallible human being.

But it’s worth the work.

 

My wall looks stunning. And it’s going to raise my property value.

And when I work on my sins, cooperate with God in shedding them, keep taking stock of them and working on cleaning them up and discarding them, I look better—to God, me, and everyone else.

 

I know it’s kind of weird to be thinking about sin while I’m painting a wall, but it’s a long, tedious process; and my mind usually wanders off into esoteric thoughts like that when I’m doing otherwise mindless, repetitive activities.

It could also have something to do with the fact that I’m taking a fabulous Priscilla Shirer Bible study every Tuesday morning at my church.

 

I’ll tell you a little about it next week. It’s already having a profound effect on my life.

Gathering with other like-minded Christian women is also a plus!

Until next week,

 

What activities remind you of the sin in your life, and how do you work on them?

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.