Joy – Andrea Arthur Owan

Grief, Positivity and Hope: Saying the Right Words at the Right Time

(This post is the last in a series on toxic positivity.)

Is your life missing peace? Does your soul feel empty and hungry? Does it feel as though the light in your life has been snuffed out?

At one time or another, most—if not all of us—have felt completely hopeless and experienced all the side effects of it. Chaos, sadness, depression, a lack of purpose or promise.

And we often need to express those scary feelings to another person. The kind of response we receive may end up making us feel worse and wondering if there is anyone, anywhere who understands our pain and is willing to walk alongside us while we’re groping and fumbling to get back into life.

In these times of heartache and trouble, what we need is not a pious platitude or super upbeat “think good thoughts and be happy” response. We need reality, and a reminder that goodness is out there, and we can find and have it.

The right response to deep grief and anguish—

For the last month we’ve been exploring a too-positive response to someone’s expression of grief and heartache and the problems this kind of response can cause.

And I also noted that too often Christians are the first to chime in with cheery, smiley, bordering-on-superficial responses. While the Bible passages they might share are true, they are shared improperly or at untimely moments.

Today we’ll take a look at how a writer of the Bible chose to response to the most horrendous of circumstances, with the reality of the situation, and the truth about God’s character.

The Lamentations of Jeremiah—

While we can find outpouring of heart and grief in the Psalms, one only need turn to Lamentations to locate funeral or dirge poetry and outpouring of grief so deep, the reader wonders how the writer can even go on living.

The dirges are for a people snatched from their homes and beloved city and dragged off to another country. He bewails the crumbling and destruction of their magnificent house of worship. The words recount a once-beautiful city and the ruinous state it now lies in. The tone and setting are dark and dismal.

Yet even after his outpouring of grief in his honest words of how he feels beaten up and bruised by God, Jeremiah calls to mind a sense of hope and where it comes from.

He reminds himself and the people that God is unchanging and faithful.

For twenty verses the prophet pours out his spiritual, emotional and physical agony, and then writes the well-known verses:

“Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’S great love we are

not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.”

And he continues:

“I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.’

The LORD is good to those whose hope is

in him,

to the one who seeks him;

It is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the LORD.”

For the rest of the chapter, which is a total of sixty-six verses, Jeremiah runs between profound lament, calling on God and voicing faith in Him, extolling God’s faithful character, and admitting to the people’s sins that brought on some of this calamity in the first place. He is raw and honest.

And keep in mind that the people were suffering unimaginable torment; in a time so bad they had reduced themselves to cannibalism. It is ugly, it is desperate, and it is grievous.

It certainly would not be a time for anyone to throw out “Look on the bright side. It’s not as bad as you think. God is good. All the time, God is good.”

And yet that is exactly what Jeremiah boils it down to: that God is indeed good and faithful and just, and this devastation they’re living through will not last forever, because God will make sure it eventually ends.

But before Jeremiah gets around to stating those facts, he grieves openly, completely and without apology. And because of this honesty, we can appreciate that cheery, pat answers and out-of-context Bible verses or ones delivered too quickly aren’t realistic, they don’t reflect life, and they don’t really reflect the Bible.

What a Hurting Person Needs—

As pastor Alistair Begg says,

“Hurting people want to know if there’s anybody around that understands how they feel, what they’re going through.”

A hurting person needs to know that the theology of God is not always one of sugary words and upbeat jargon but is also one of suffering, of pain, of lament. Of honest grief.

They don’t need cheerleaders. They need big hearts, open arms and listening ears.

Sometimes it’s okay in life to imitate the grieving, lamenting prophet. Sometimes it’s best to get it all out so you can think more clearly, to purge and cleanse your heart and soul.

While we can remind ourselves that God is, indeed, always faithful, always good, and always available to us, we also need to acknowledge that life is hard. Sometimes real hard.

Sometimes so hard it feels as though it’s going to break you.

And when we’ve poured out our hearts and come to the very end of ourselves, or listened to someone else do it, then is the time—in order to keep on going and persevering—we can and should remember, and remind a grieving person:

Because of the LORD’S great love we are

not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

As Pastor Begg encourages:

“Bring all that you know of God to bear on all that you know of your circumstances.”

Acknowledge your or someone else’s circumstances.
Be realistic about them.
Weep over them if you must.
And then remember God and bring Him into the healing equation.

Call to mind that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, and His mercies never end.

And that’s what gives you hope.

It’s about volition. And timing. And being honest about life and the sometimes horrendous reality of it.

And then remembering that a new morning is coming and because Jesus Christ lives, we can, indeed, face all our tomorrows.

Invitation—

If you are finding it difficult to call to mind the hope you have in God, please reach out to me with a text to 520-975-6109. Tell me your name and a little about your circumstances, and if you need someone to talk to about them. I’m available to help you with your healing.

And if you don’t know this amazing, forgiving God of hope and would like to know Him and have a relationship with Him, send a text message to the same number. Don’t let another day go by without making this decision!

Until next week,

Be honest with your grief and allow others to be too. Listen well and open your heart—to the pain of others and to the God who hears and heals.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

COVID-19 Virus Battle Emotions: The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

The world has fought a lot of wars throughout history, and it feels as though we’re fighting a war now. A battle against a tiny microbe—officially named COronaVIrusDisease-19 (COVID-19)—invisible to the naked eye. That’s one of the problems with this particular battle. We like to see our enemy, be able to predict what he’s going to do next, calculate how to handle him and thwart his plans.

But with this little halo-surrounded enemy, it seems we can only develop hypothetical models that keep changing, shut everyone behind closed doors, and hope for the best.

It’s obviously a little more complicated and sophisticated than that, but to the average person on the street—who has now been told in some places to continue staying off the street (or beach) or get arrested—it all seems about that simple.

A time of stark contrasts—

The times we’re living in, the battle we’re fighting, brings to mind the opening line from one of my favorite books, one of the best books ever written: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. A lot of you could probably recite it without looking it up—

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

This beginning of the very l-o-n-g first line pretty much says it all for us. We can relate.

Dickens tells the story about life in another war, the French Revolution, and he continues with a string of contrasts.

…it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,

it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,

it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness,

it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair,

we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,

we were all going to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.”

A far-flung range of emotions—

How many of us have gone through, or are still going through, these wildly contrasting emotions?

For those of us who cherish our families and time spent with them, we feel doubly blessed to be around them so much.

But domestic violence is on the rise, and tensions are developing in families suffering from too little personal space, or outdoor space. And upended orderly, hyper-scheduled lives.

Drunk driving accidents and arrests are way down; but drinking and drug use have increased dramatically.

We’re looking to trained professionals to give us answers, and we get a multitude of opinions.

A possible breakthrough medication is mentioned, and a couple thinks their fish tank cleaner containing some of the same chemical will work for a homeopathic treatment. After all, they don’t want to get the virus, so—without doctor recommendation or consultation—they ingest their fish tank cleaner. (Who does this!?) The husband dies, and his wife blames our country’s president for her stupidity.

It’s a time of people being terrified and too self-protective, and a time of people throwing caution to the wind, inviting trouble, and putting God to the test.

It’s a time marked by notable events, when we desperately want to believe someone, and a time when we’re so shocked by the unfolding circumstances we doubt everything.

For believers in God, it’s a time when they see Him moving, showing His power, fulfilling prophecy; for the unbeliever, it’s a time of sadness, anxiety, and paralyzing fear.

For those able to maintain their jobs and support their families, it’s a blip on the inconvenience scale. (For some, like my husband, it’s a blessing to not have to rush to and from work every day.) For those watching their lives and livelihoods unravel, they feel stunned, betrayed and helpless. Their futures look dark and impossible. Hopeless.

For them, there is nothing before them.

For others, their greatest fear is whether or not they’ll have enough toilet paper to last through the lockdown. For so many around the world, they don’t know if they’ll have food to feed their children their next meal.

For all of us, we only know what we have right now—before us—and see only a question mark for our and our countries’ futures.

What next?

When will this end, or will it? Will we have to permanently adjust to a “new normal?’

Will staying quarantined, hunkered down, and apprehensive change our brain chemistry so much that we wouldn’t be able to return to normal even if we wanted to?

Rarely in history have we felt the collective “we” we’re now experiencing. The global “we” that for a brief blink in time puts us squarely in the human fragility boat.

As a young man said during an international prayer call I joined in on a week ago: “Thank you, Lord, for bringing us to our knees and showing us just how small, helpless and vulnerable we are.”

It was an admission of humility, of God’s omnipotence. And it was also a plea for mercy to a God that listens when His people cry out to Him. He’s not the detached, aloof God of the Deist; He’s a God of His creation, His people, His children, who listens when they say, “Abba (Daddy), help!”

It may not seem as though He’s listening or moving, but He is. He always is.

What’s in a name—war or not?

Some people don’t like referring to this pandemic as a war. While it may not be in the strictest sense, for many people it certainly is a battle—emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially.

As during Dickens’ story, we are living in a time of stark contrasts:

hope and fear
knowledge and ignorance
trust and suspicion
resignation and obedience and blaming and rebellion
hope and hopeless
Light and Darkness
hope and despair
joyful solitude and despairing isolation
resolution and waffling
meditation and anxiety
acceptance and rejection
prayer and self-focus
gain and loss

Good emotions versus bad emotions—

I could fill pages with these contrasts. And strike up a passionate discussion.

Are these negative emotions bad?

No. They’re honest emotions, reasonable and human reactions to upended lives, unknown futures, unanswered questions, and death.

The negative emotions aren’t bad, unless we allow them to swallow up or control our thoughts, kill the positive emotions, and rule our lives.

But the ultimate question is: which contrast do you want to cling to, to practice, to emulate? To grow in. To emerge from this pandemic a better person than you were when you entered it.

Because it is a time of change and growth. A time when we’re confronted with difficult decisions. And we need to look to Someone who can shine a Light on the best ones and guide us down the best paths.

Ultimately, we do have a choice to make it our worst of times or our best of times. Or the opposite.

I don’t mean to imply that this is easy. It’s not. It may take every last ounce of energy we have to successfully emerge and resume a more “normal” life. One that’s hopeful and purposeful. God’s been known to do that to people throughout history to make alterations permanent.

It helps us remember.

A little encouragement—

Before I sign off with the invitation for today, I want to leave you with a couple of encouraging truths:

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” —Thomas Merton

“It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” —Lamentations 3:22-23 (KJV)

Invitation

Write down all of the emotions this pandemic and chaos has caused you to experience. Don’t judge them, or yourself. Just jot them down.

Then write down why you think you’ve felt these emotions—like fearfulness, anxiety, weepiness, peace.

Draw pictures to accompany your feelings.

Continue to do this as your lockdown progresses or restrictions are eased.

Do you see changes in your emotions and their ability to control you?

Write the steps you can take to make sure your emotions and physical and spiritual life end up on the positive side of the contrasts.

Or turn it into a prayer, asking God to help and guide you to accomplishing those attitudes and behaviors.

Better yet, turn it into worship. It’s hard to feel negative emotions when you’re singing praise and worship songs!

Here’s one of my favorites to get you started.

And I’ll see you back here next week (or sooner)!

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a fitness pro, chaplain, and award-winning inspirational writer. She works and writes to help people recover from grief and loss and to live their best lives — physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The True Meaning of Christmas Joy

Have you sung this famous Christmas carol yet during your celebrations?

“Joy to the world, the Lord has come. Let earth receive her king.”

It’s an uplifting, boisterous song, oozing happiness and promise.

Are you feeling the joy it describes?

For many, Christmas is a season of deep joy and peace. For others, the lights, decorations, presents, celebrations, and peace to all men of goodwill talk are the polar opposites of what they’re experiencing in their homes.

Their lives are a stark reminder of why Jesus had to come to Earth in the first place.

And all of the trappings don’t erase their pain and suffering.

And it’s also likely that the “joy” so many are experiencing is not real joy at all but temporal happiness that changes as circumstances change and disappointment sets in.

But the promise of Christmas is the real, everlasting joy that Jesus brought to Earth over 2,000 years ago and still offers us today.

But His joy had little to do with temporal happiness or comfort, as His life demonstrated.

As David Brickner says in the December Jews for Jesus newsletter:

“[The joy set before Jesus] (as noted in Hebrews 12:2) had very little to do with His personal happiness on earth. Certainly, Jesus was looking past the shame of the cross to fully restored fellowship at the right hand of the Father. But that joy before Him also included the prospect of relationships He would enjoy with those who put their trust in Him. And I think He also had in mind the joy that His suffering would make possible for you and me.

“Jesus’ joy became ours when we trust in Him, and remains ours as we enjoy true fellowship with Him regardless of life’s circumstances.”

That’s a statement to meditate on: Jesus’ joy was based on the joy that would result for us from His suffering. He suffered so we might experience joy. And that act brought Him joy.

But for a moment, let’s go back to the song.

There’s another phrase in “Joy to the World” that says, “Let every heart prepare Him room.”

The message from Scripture, David’s words and the words of the song are clear: without Jesus residing in your heart, it is impossible to experience or possess true joy.

While God gave His son because He loved the world so, the truth is that we must believe in that Son in order to have eternal life, to avoid perishing. To have joy, in all it’s heavenly splendor and depth of meaning.

And one more thing about that wonderful Christmas song.

It wasn’t actually written for Christmas—the birth of Jesus—at all.

It was written about His return. A future hope. His return to Jerusalem to establish His kingdom on Earth.

As David Brickner also says:

“When you sing that carol will you be thinking about the little town of Bethlehem or about Jerusalem? There are only sixteen miles between those two cities, but for Jesus, that journey took a lifetime of endurance and suffering and death so that He could bring forth an eternity of joy and rejoicing.”

So this year when you’re belting out “Joy to the World” at your Christmas Eve service or church service Christmas day, or as you continue to hum and sing it through the rest of the year, I encourage you to think about not only Jesus’ miraculous birth but the joy of His return.

And while you’re at it, make sure you share that joy with others, so they, too, can experience true joy, regardless of any circumstance they face.

That’s the best gift you could give anyone!

Until we get together next Monday, I pray you

Have a truly blessed Christmas,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photo by Ben White on unsplash.com