Month: May 2018

How to Forgive What You Can NEVER Forget

“On the day I forgave my father, my life began.”

                                                                                                —Pat Conroy

 

Do you find it hard to forgive what you can’t forget? Do you think you need to forget in order to fully forgive? Do you think you must automatically trust and reconcile once you’ve forgiven someone?

These are just some of the hard questions Dr. David Stoop covers in his priceless little book Forgiving What You’ll NEVER Forget. I picked it up in the Midway airport in Chicago while suffering through a ten-hour flight delay. (Now I’m sort of thankful for the delay!)

For those of you unfamiliar with Dr. Stoop, he is a clinical psychologist who can be regularly heard on New Life Live radio program. He founded the Center for Family Therapy in Newport Beach, California and is an adjunct professor at Fuller Theological Seminary.

 

The back cover blurb says:

“Forgiveness is an essential part of being a Christian, but that doesn’t make it easy. What do we do when confronted with the unforgivable—an act that shakes our moral foundations to their roots, often committed by someone trusted and loved? Murder, sexual, abuse, adultery—all leave lifelong wounds. Thankfully, they are all trespasses that, through the grace of God, can be forgiven.

“Dr. David Stoop compassionately guides you down a biblical road, from the pain of bitter hurt to the peace found only in heartfelt forgiveness, even for the worst of offenses. In doing so, he opens up the way for you to experience the freedom that forgiveness brings.”

 

So just how do you forgive the unforgivable?

I think most of us have asked ourselves that question at one point, or many, in our lives. If you’re a follower of Christ, you feel obligated or moved by compassion and love of our Savior to forgive. If you’re not a believer, you might be more moved to get even or stay angry. Forever.

 

The 160-page, almost pocket-sized book contains chapters on—

  • Apology Not Accepted—including the definition of forgiveness, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and when it’s difficult to consider forgiveness
  • Myths and Truths about Forgiveness—this chapter includes some great questions to determine where you fall on the forgiveness spectrum and understanding common fallacies and myths about forgiveness
  • A Radical Forgiveness—this covers the history of God’s forgiving nature throughout Scripture, including the Old Testament and a comparison of Jewish and Christian teachings on forgiveness; and Christians’ tendency toward conditional forgiveness.
  • Choosing to Forgive—Stoop discusses the false paths of denial and bitterness we sometimes take. He also covers self-blame, obsession with the event, depression and shame along with seeking revenge and withdrawing. And he talks about the potential dangers of denial.
  • The Path of Forgiveness—Interestingly enough, forgiving often involves a path that looks like the five stages of grief, with grief, anger, sadness, action steps to achieve forgiveness, exploring the possibility of reconciliation, and then learning     to trust again, which can be a huge obstacle for some to overcome.
  • Forgiving Ourselves—This issue can be tough for a couple of reasons: sometimes we don’t think about doing it; and, sometimes our standards are higher than God’s.
  • A Step Beyond Forgiveness—This chapter contains some amazing stories on the power of forgiveness and prayer—to move toward forgiving someone who really doesn’t deserve it, binding and loosening sins, and being freed from bitterness. It’s about stepping out beyond what you thought, and knew, were humanly possible to see God’s power work in and through you to change lives.
  • The Benefits of Forgiveness—There are numerous benefits received when you forgive, including physical, emotional, relational and spiritual benefits.

 

Dr. Stoop wraps up the book by addressing some of the most common questions asked about forgiveness.

This little gem is a short read, but not necessarily an easy one. It could rekindle some pain and bitter memories you wanted to keep dormant. It could challenge your beliefs and behavior. It could move you to positive action. But if you work through the questions at the end of each chapter, and put into practice what the author counsels, I know you’ll feel free!

 

Forgiving What You’ll NEVER Forget is available on Amazon.com in both paperback and Kindle editions and on barnesandnoble.com.

 

 

 

Until next week,

May your heart and mind be lightened by forgiveness!

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Exercise: Where and How to Start

When you want to get started on an exercise program, how do you know where to start?

That’s the basic question, and most would-be exercisers get it wrong. While they might have a vague idea of where they’d like to end up, they don’t really know how to get there. And sometimes they don’t even know where they want to be. Then they start, stop, start again, get discouraged, and quit.

Today I’ll take you through the general plan you want to use when designing an exercise program. And I’m going to use the most basic of goals and exercises to give you an idea of where to start, where to aim, and how you can modify your program to suit your needs.

 

Determine your goal—

Do the first things first: ask yourself what you want to accomplish. It could be gaining muscle, losing belly fat, or wanting to run or walk a 5K race. Anything. Just make sure you have a good (honest) idea of where you’re starting from. If you’ve never walked or run a 5K, you won’t start your exercise program by charging out on daily 5K walks around your neighborhood. You’ll start with your baseline—the level of fitness you are today, at this time. Not what you wish you were. And then plan your progress from there.

 

Case Study—

I’ll use myself as an example.

It seemed to happen quickly, although it really occurred over the course of six months to a year. I’d been ignoring my exercise program, spending way too much time sitting in a chair in front of my computer writing stories and articles. I’d even given up my nightly calisthenics and walks with my Shetland sheepdog Dolly. (I wish she’d said something to me, although I should have gotten a clue from her plaintive looks.)

Anyway, one day I saw pictures the engineer took of the family, and I nearly gagged. (Actually, I did gag, before I got mad.) There in the picture, staring back at me were my face and chest, but someone else’s arms were attached to my body. Just when did my upper arms go from toned to fat? And when did they acquire that excess skin hanging under them?!

Yee, gads! Without my noticing, my arms had become old and flappy! Clearly I was no longer the toned athlete I once was and still envisioned myself to be. I took a hard look at myself in the bathroom mirror and raised my arm. It waved at me. Ugh! I thought I’d get physically sick in the sink. Instead, I got mad and decided I’d get even. And getting even meant doing some area-specific exercises to get those puppies back in shape!

 

Plan and process—

To get my arms back in shape, I had several options. I could get myself back in the gym and do some arm-specific machine weights or dumbbell lifting. Or I could pick up the dumbbells I have at home more often and use them. Or go back to doing my pushups every night before bed.

I decided on all three, but today I’m just going to show you how I use the pushups to get my arms under control.

Why pushups? Because they’re the easiest, most basic exercise you can do, at home, at your convenience, with no financial expense. And they can be done at pretty much any age, although you might have to modify the position slightly for your age and strength. There’s a reason pushups have been a staple in physical education classes for eons. They work!

 

So how would I start?

First, I wanted to increase my strength a little, so I set out the first night to do one set (yes, just one) of pushups. Because both wrists were damaged during my gymnastics career, I have to do bent knee style pushups. My wrists can’t take a full body load.

Since I was aiming to increase my strength, I did enough pushups to take me to the state of exhaustion, where I couldn’t lower and raise my body. One. More. Time. And that was it. Just one set. To exhaustion. For me, that ended up being around 35 pushups. All-the-way-down and all-the-way-up pushups. Not half-down types, or swayback with tummy touching the ground first technique. Real pushups.

And I tend to slow down when I lower myself to the ground and speed up when I’m returning to the starting position. Why? Because that’s a more optimal way to gain strength and increase muscle size with this particular exercise. It’s called negative (eccentric) loading. But that’s beyond the scope of today’s post. We’ll cover that in a future post.

And then I stand and stretch out my chest and arms. You ALWAYS want to stretch to keep your muscles as healthy and responsive as possible.

The following evening I repeated the pushups, to exhaustion. I ended up making it to the same level, about 35. If I find myself being able to do a lot more, then either something was wrong the night before, or I didn’t really work to exhaustion the first night.

Every night I continue like this. I don’t set a number to achieve, although I do make sure I don’t increase my number more than 10% of the number achieved the night before. (Exercise rule.) If I can do a couple more, I’ll do more. But what usually happens is that it takes at least a week for my body to build up to a comfortable 35, where I notice that it no longer feels like burning, I-just-can’t-pump-out-another-one exhaustion.

After several (3) weeks, I should be up to 40. And I can keep going like this for months, increasing the number of pushups.

 

Modifying your program to meet your needs—

But I have a body issue to consider. My muscle makeup is not average, or normal. I don’t have 50% red, long distance, marathon-type muscles and 50% white, speedy-type muscles. My body is made up mostly of speedy type muscle fibers, which means I can gain muscle strength and size (bulk up) really quickly. And that’s not what my ultimate goal is for my arms.

I want them lean and contoured. Toned. So what now?

I switch my program up. I’ll still use the pushups, but now I’ll perform them a different way.

The first night I’ll do 12 pushups and then rest for 30 seconds. Then I’ll do 12 more pushups and rest for 30 seconds. And I might do them faster, the same speed up as down. I’ll do at least three sets like this, maybe more. A lot more. This way I’m focusing more on tone, the endurance type of muscles that will give my arms a more toned appearance. And in the process, my chest tightens up and lifts those breast muscles so they look a little perkier! Pushups are A+ exercises for chest muscles. (Not a bad payoff!)

That way I can whittle away at the fat, and slim the muscle down to a nice shape. Like a sculptor chiseling away at a hunk of marble or clay.

You can apply this same principle to your legs to strengthen and tone your thighs and outer thighs and calves.

You just need to know what your ultimate goal is and then figure out the steps to get there!

 

NEXT WEEK: We’ll look at walking and how to plan your workout for that activity.

Until then,

Happy pushupping!

Blessings,

 Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photos provided by Google Images

When Life Zigs When You Wanted to Zag

Ever experience a life zig when you planned to zag?

That’s what happened to me last week, when I went to the periodontist for what I thought was only going to be a consultation and ended up having a muscle in my mouth, that was pulling my gum down, cut.

Yup. Cut.

OUCH!

So, a bloody, painful afternoon later, I didn’t manage to get the planned worldview post written for you, before heading to Philadelphia on Thursday to work with the Guideposts editors and eleven other Guideposts contributing writers for an intensive weekend of writing stories work.

And I’ll be on hiatus next Monday too, after spending a week celebrating the college graduation of my younger son.

It will be a week of balanced, and joyful living!

Until May 21! Then we’ll continue with the great thinkers of history.

Blessings,

Andrea

The Power of a Story

On Easter Sunday, a site called Chat About Jesus (https://www.chataboutjesus.com) took out a full-page ad in major newspapers. The title of the ad was—

 

“LET THE AUTHOR OF LIFE

WRITE YOUR STORY”

 

Then they placed three little crosses (with the middle one being the largest) over the passage found in Jeremiah 29:11:

 

“For I know the plans I have for you, “ declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

—above an old manual typewriter. The passage looked as though it was being typed on paper inserted in the typewriter. It was a beautiful ad. Simple. Attention grabbing. Compelling.

And true.

 

What about your story?

So how about you? Do you like to write or tell stories? Are you writing a story now?

Did you ever consider that God is writing a story through you? What story have you kept to yourself that others need to hear?

 

Guideposts magazines—

Through this weekend, I’m going to be working with other Guideposts magazine contributing writers and Guideposts editors on writing good stories. Stories God is writing through people. A lot of them. Just like you.

It’s always amazing (and humbling) to me to read how God works in such astounding ways. Unusual circumstances. “Chance” encounters. Otherworldly guidance and protection.

Some of the stories we’re going to peruse are about season of life changes, love stories, how destructive poor body image can be and how long it can last, mule trains, and miraculous intervention and protection. Daily events that don’t at first glance appear to be extraordinary, until we looked more closely at them and see just how miraculous they are.

Sometimes we put God in a human box and forget He’s unlimited in what He can do, and does do in our lives. Even in the lives of those who don’t pay too much attention to Him.

And when we look carefully over all of our years, we all find something miraculous to tell.

And that’s what Guideposts does. We tell stories to uplift and encourage (because we all need encouragement in our daily living), explore the mysterious ways of the universe and God, observe how God uses all of his creation—including four-legged ones—to protect, guide and give us companionship. And they explore the Heavenly realm of angels and angelic encounters, which are more prevalent than we notice or think.

 

Start telling your story. You never know who might be awed, encouraged or brought to faith by it. And if you think it’s something Guideposts editors might like to share with millions of readers, contact their editorial board in New York.

We all need stories. They move us emotionally and spiritually and sometimes move us to action. They’re what make life rich. They make great family history.

 

NEXT WEEK—Free-for-All Fridays will be on hiatus until May 18. So until then, be thinking about the story you can tell.

Until then, write and tell your story. And don’t forget to tell everyone who the

Author is!

Make it a great weekend of story writing!

Blessings,

Andrea

“May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers” (3 John 2).

Photo care of Google Images

How to Determine Your Target Heart Rate Goal

So now you’ve measured and know your resting heart rate and have an idea on how to determine what your target heart rate should be during exercise. (See my post last week http://andreaarthurowan.com/2018/04/25/the-best-way-to-calculate-your-exercise-training-heart-rate/admin/).

Now what?

 

Setting some goals—

This is the exciting part. Where you decide what your exercise goals are. Spend some time thinking about this one. And consider your age, current physical condition, and what type of exercising you would like to do, and will stick with. Do you want to:

 

  • Lose weight?
  • Put on some muscle and have nicely contoured arms and legs?
  • Tone up what you’ve got?
  • Increase your lung capacity and improve your heart function?
  • Maintain your current level of conditioning?
  • Run a 5K, or triathlon?
  • Increase your reaction time and power or speed?
  • Just get stronger?

 

What fitness goal you choose will determine how you exercise, where you exercise, what you do for exercise, and what exercise heart rate you’ll aim for.

 

Conditioning, toning, power, or aerobic capacity—

As a general rule, for general conditioning goals, you will want to exercise at a heart rate level of 50 to 70%.

As we saw last week, for someone my age (60) and resting heart rate of 58, (don’t forget to use that as your base for proper calculations), I would want to exercise at a level that keeps my heart rate between 109 bpm and 129 bpm.

At the lower rate of 109 or even up to 120, I could maintain a reasonable exercise rate—like walking at a 3.0 mph walking rate—for two to three hours, or longer. As long my knees and feet hold out for me.

If, however, I want to work on power and strength, which I sometimes do, (for toning, muscle definition, and muscle power), I’d want to push my heart rate up to a higher level, say 80 to 90% of my heart rate maximum, again with my resting heart rate as a critical factor in the formula.

When I use the 80 to 90% range, and plug those numbers into the formula we covered last week, we arrive at a target heart rate range of 140 to 150. That’s a rate I wouldn’t be able to sustain for an indefinite period of time, though. In fact, I probably wouldn’t try to sustain it more than 20 minutes, if I were hitting a 140 – 150 bpm rate throughout the entire 20 minutes.

I could, however, go longer, if I were ramping my heart rate up and down as I exercised, as sometimes happens when I’m walking on the treadmill and increasing the ramp angle considerably to mimic hiking uphill and then lowering the ramp angle to a slight or flat grade.

 

 Working up to your target level—

But even if you know what your target level should be, you may need to take it slowly and work up to your desired level. If you haven’t exercised for a while, are recovering from an illness, or you’re changing up your exercise program for some reason—because your goals have changed—you’ll want to work up to a level where your heart rate is being stressed a little but not so much that you have a difficult time breathing, feel weak, or can’t maintain that level of exercise for five to ten minutes. Or, after exercising, your heart rate takes longer than it should to come back to normal.

Again, if you’re just starting an exercise program, make sure your doctor is in agreement with what you want to accomplish and gives you the thumbs up on the program you’ve designed. She can also help you design one!

 

Where do you go from here?

I know all of this probably sounds a little—or a lot—vague, but as we progress, we’ll look at more specific exercise goals and see what a training program might look like for you. If you’re already on an exercise program, you might see some ideas here that will help you improve or stress yourself a bit more.

 

I forgot to provide an answer!

A couple of weeks ago, I asked if you knew which athletes typically have the highest VO2 maximums. I promised to give you the answer the following week—and then forgot! Many apologies for my forgetfulness!

The answer is: Cross-country skiers. They have HUGE lung capacities. One reason is the long distances they ski, but it’s also because they’re using nearly all of their bodies when they’re exercising at those long distances. It’s a grueling sport.

 

 What’s coming up?

NEXT WEEK, “Workout Wednesdays” will be on hiatus. I’m heading to Philadelphia this weekend for an intensive writing/editing workshop with the Guideposts editors and eleven other writers; and my younger son graduates from college the following weekend.

I’m trying to take my own advice and live a balanced life!

So I’ll see you back here May 16!

Until next time, keep working on setting your goals!

Blessings,

 Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photos courtesy of Google Images