Category: Brain Health

How to Cope With Grief During the Holidays—Part 1

The holiday season is fast approaching. I can’t believe we’re already into November, and the close of the year is just a squeak over seven weeks away. I’m not ready for it mentally. But at least I’m looking forward to the potential joy and peace of it. Feelings many, if not most people, don’t enjoy during the holiday season.

 

While many of us look forward to the holidays with joy, too many look forward to them with dread and heavy hearts. Many of us anticipate fun days full of children and grandchildren laughter and squeals of delight, silent nights and flickering candles shared with church family and friends. Roasted turkey in the middle of a table surrounded by grateful loved ones.

 

But what about the couple whose cancer-stricken child won’t be seated at the table with them this year, or ever again?

What about the despondent mother whose husband has just walked out the door, and she doesn’t know how she’s going to provide any kind of holiday for her two shell-shocked children?

What about the older widow who will have to spend the day alone because her children live a couple thousand miles away, and no one in her tiny sphere has thought of inviting her to join their family for festivities?

Or the aged man confined to a memory care facility, without family members or friends.

 

Coping with grief (and thriving) at this time of year—

It seems like a morbid subject to discuss during this otherwise festive (market and product-driven) time of year, but that’s the subject I’ll be covering for this month and most of December—

How to make it through the grief that can overwhelm us at this time of year, and help others around us slog through it too.

Aside from recent pain, holidays can open up old wounds. Melancholy and depression can be overwhelming. Just how can we help ourselves, and those around us, get through this time of year with a modicum—or more—of joy and look forward to a new year full of hope and promise?

 

Our goal won’t be too forget our pain—the circumstances or the people it swirls around—but to work through it. To use it to our advantage, to gain strength and hope from it.

To resist the forces that would bury our hearts alive.

Preparing our hearts for the holidays—

We’ll formally begin this process next Monday. But until then, I want to give you something that will encourage your heart.

Remember that God is for you, not against you, no matter what others insinuate or what your broken and disillusioned and shocked heart may tell you. Or what the evil one may whisper in your ear.

God stands ready, willing and able to hold you close, carry, or walk you through it.

 

And for those of you who look forward to the holidays with rejoicing, be on the lookout for people who need comfort and a tender, encouraging word.

 

And maybe a place at your celebration table.

Until then,

Prepare to dig and go deep, with yourself and others.

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

8 Steps to a Good Night’s Sleep

A couple of weeks ago I promised to let you know how I’ve changed my sleep patterns and how that’s been going for me. Well, today I’m going to give you my new ritual and let you know how it’s measuring up.

The process of deciding on and planning for a good night’s sleep—

The first thing I did wanted to decide, once and for all, what time I wanted—needed—to go to bed every night and how much sleep I would aim for nightly if I were going to be a fully functioning, alert individual.

1) First, I decided on a no later than 10:00 PM in bed and lights out schedule and a 6:30 AM wakeup. I know from past experience that I function best on 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night and usually lean toward the longer number of hours.

2) Second, I set my smartphone to switch to darker yellow light at 8:00 PM. With the bedtime schedule set on it, the phone alerts me at 8:00 that I need to be in bed at 10:00, and that my preparations should start at 9:00. (I get plenty of warnings.)

3) Unless I miscalculate on preparation hours, or an emergency deadline or need arises, I shut of my computer by 8:00 PM, preferably 7:00. If I’m really motivated, I don’t get on it after 5:00.

4) Around 8:00 PM, I start dimming lights around the house or shutting most of them off completely. When I enter my bedroom at 9:00, I turn on my bedside light and leave the main, intensely bright lights, off.

All of this helps trigger my melatonin production to prepare me for sleep.

5) If I need or want to shower to relax, I shower around 9:00 and prepare for bed in a relaxed manner.

6) No later than 9:30, I’m in my little sitting room just off my bedroom, with a good book in hand, reading. I’ve stopped reading in bed, with my head cocked at an obtuse angle, putting strain on my neck muscles, back and hands.

7) A little before 10:00, the engineer and I hold hands and say our bedtime prayers. And we always ask for a good, peaceful and restful night’s sleep.

8) Then it’s off to bed. Nightstand lights out. At 10:00, my phone conveniently darkens its screen and shows little stars and a slivered moon as it blocks any incoming calls, text messages or emails from waking me up. The phone doesn’t even vibrate. It just stores everything until the next morning. It takes its place on my nightstand, ready to awaken me with lovely, soothing music that gradually gets louder until I turn it off. Once I do, the screen greets me with Good Morning!

 

How has my bedtime ritual benefited me?

Sleep is arguably one of the most important times of our day. Lack of it causes a host of physical problems, including weight gain and inability of the body to shed toxins or rejuvenate itself or heal properly. Lack of sleep can also cause depression, worsen it, and lead to cognitive dysfunction and physical and emotional stress.

The first night we tried our new sleep schedule we were amazed by the results.

Doing the new schedule was difficult for the engineer because he usually returns to the computer right after dinner and sits for hours in front of the blinding screen before running directly from his office to bed. If he wanted to try to unwind—do something mindless before bed—he might watch an old movie on television before hitting the sack.

He wasn’t sleeping well.

Within 15 minutes of starting our reading, though, our eyelids felt so heavy that we had to quit reading earlier than expected. Both of us fell asleep instantly when our heads hit the pillows. When my music started the following morning, I had already started awakening naturally to the sunrise and wasn’t jarred awake by the music.

It was actually a pleasant wakeup, and I felt energized and ready to go.

But first, I took the advice of my Shetland sheepdog (and all of the cats that have condescended to live with me over the years) and did some stretching in bed before swinging my legs over the side of it and letting my feet hit the floor. After toileting, removing my retainer and brushing my teeth, I am ready for some light calisthenics that get my blood pumping and lungs ballooning.

 

After five weeks of this regimen, I’ve never felt better after a night’s sleep! With the increased melatonin production, my body is always ready to lay it down, even if I add some light exercises to the regimen before showering or grabbing my book to read. And my night’s sleep is deeper and more rejuvenating.

When I skip this regimen during the weekend and go to bed too late, and without my reading ritual, I can feel it. Maybe it’s my age (most probably it is), but I can’t shake that lousy bedtime preparation off like I used to.

 

Physical benefits of sleep—

One of the big benefits, after trying nearly everything else in the way of diet and exercise, is that I’ve managed to shave eight pounds from the scale! Yippie!

The better and longer sleep, in combination with

  • making sure I avoid all of the foods that cause problems for me or cause inflammation (inflammation can wreak havoc on your sleep);
  • regular (3-4 days a week of strenuous cardio and weight lifting exercise) exercise; walking leisurely (about a mile) after dinner to ramp up the digestion;
  • walking a more fast-paced mile every other morning and on the days I add several strenuous nighttime calisthenics to my daily activities;
  • not eating unless I’m hungry and then maybe deciding not to eat even then;
  • making my evening meal the lightest one of the day and always making sure I consume it by 6:00 PM;
  • not going to bed within 3-4 hours after eating;
  • not exercising within 3 hours after eating;
  • avoiding most desserts and reducing my sugar intake;
  • ditching the coffee;
  • reducing my dairy product consumption;

has done wonders for my energy level and improving the way I feel physically.

 

Psychological and emotional benefits of sleep—

I’ve also found that my melancholy and depression has reduced significantly. And when it does sneak up on me, I am more capable of resisting and combatting it. For that I am most grateful.

I’m more alert, less sluggish. I have more energy for exercising.

 

But now that the days are getting shorter and the nighttime is lengthening, I may lengthen my sleep. The engineer and I call it “keeping farmer’s hours.”

Doing a better job at maintaining the rhythm of life.

But there are certainly bound to be days when I’ll need to arise before the sun does, so I’m purchasing a sunrise “alarm” clock. If you’ve never heard of one, it gradually lights up at the rate the sun would come up and illuminates the room as a sunrise would.

People I know who use one swear by them, and the reviews are good. I’m ordering mine this week, so after I’ve had a chance to try that out for a while, I’ll give you my take on that method.

 

The engineer and I are ecstatic with our sleep results. And to add extra melatonin help, we’ve started using a major brand name lotion that contains both lavender (a soothing sleep aid) and melatonin. The engineer swears it helps kick his sleep into high gear.

Next, he wants to try taking melatonin when he has to travel overseas on business, when sleep is usually at a premium and not restful.

 

If any of you have used melatonin for travel, I’d love to hear your feedback!

 

Until next week,

Happy sleeping!

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

How I Achieved True Emotional Freedom

Something happened to me the other day that allowed the chains of bondage to guilt, fear, anger, frustration, regret and worry to be demolished. And there are no words to describe the sense of freedom and joy I have experienced from the shedding of that weighty burden.

 

In the past, I have shared a little with you about the poor relationship I’ve had for years with my mother. It seems that I could do nearly nothing right in her eyes, and she harbors resentment and anger that frequently show up in her biting words and volatile reactions. She seems to look for ways I’ve failed or disappointed her.

She’s been like this most of the time I’ve known her, and I’ve heard stories about her behavior before I arrived on the scene.

She’s inferred to my husband that her problems stem from me—things I’ve said, things I’ve done wrong, things I haven’t done, ways I haven’t behaved quite like she wanted me to behave.

 

The history—

But I know the anger didn’t start with me. It was forged 97 years ago when she was born into a family riddled with anger and backbiting, volatile tendencies. A family destined to yell, fight, retaliate, hold grudges and physically punish offenses.

My mother was definitely not born into a family of peace. And she acknowledged that one day when I pointed it out. “No, I sure wasn’t,” she responded.

Learning that helped a little in not accepting the burdens she tried to lay on me, but it was still difficult to keep them from hurting my heart.

 

What changed on October 2 rocked my world, for the better.

 

My day of chain-breaking freedom—

My husband and I had just taken my mother to her audiologist to have her hearing aids checked, cleaned and re-set for additional hearing loss. Her moderate dementia has only complicated matters, but I’m dealing with that and cutting her slack on almost everything she says or asks me to do for her.

But that morning, on the way back to her memory care home, she wanted to know if we could stop at a drugstore to buy her some candy.

 

Now, normally that wouldn’t be a problem, except for two issues:

1) We had honored her request a couple of months earlier and purchased two bags of peppermints and a bag of chocolates for her. She ended up consuming the entire bag of chocolates in one afternoon without anyone at the home knowing it (she was hiding it) and got VERY sick. Sick enough that the nurse practitioner needed to be called, and I had to run to the nearest Walgreens to get the medicine and deliver it to her nurses.

2) My husband had left his car at her care home and needed to get back to it so he could go to work.

 

When I told her we couldn’t stop, she pinched her lips together, and the fuming started. Then the biting comments followed. My husband was nearly seething when we pulled up to her home and helped her out of the car and into the house. I didn’t hear the conversation, but he asked her what she was so mad about.

Surprise!

She was mad at me, for having and exercising so much control over her.

After he left for work, my mom got settled into her chair, and we chatted for several minutes. Then I leaned over to hug and kiss her goodbye.

She kept her arms glued to her sides as she often does when she’s upset with me. She wants me to pay for my actions. Let me know she’s unhappy with me.

I stood up again and said, “So you don’t want to give me a hug?”

Her response? “I don’t feel like it right now.”

 

And that’s when the light bulb went off and the burden fell from my heart.

That’s how my mom has always tried to make me pay for my misbehavior.

With tantrums.

And shaming.

Years and years of giving love and withdrawing it. Trying to keep me on my toes and performing to her standards.

Withdrawing her love when I didn’t measure up. Giving it when I was making her happy.

 

Something I can’t imagine doing to my children, and may God discipline me if I ever do it.

And I realized in that instant that she probably never really learned how to love unconditionally, the way a parent should love a child.

 

The way God loves us.

 

My mother never received that kind of love, never felt that kind of love, and, consequently, never could show and give it to me.

And in one split second moment, it all made sense.

 

My revelation released her of an expectation I always had for her; and it released me of any guilt, fear, or worry about having done wrong or about doing wrong in the future.

 

Obviously it doesn’t let me off the hook for being kind, attentive, friendly and loving toward her, just as God is toward me and wants me to be to others.

But it lowered my expectations from receiving anything from her to zero.

And that freed my heart to love unconditionally; the way God intends his children to display love.

Just like Him.

My mom can’t give something she’s never possessed, so I’m a fool when I do expect. It only ends up hurting me.

 

The Result—

I look forward to our visits with joy and without stress or agitation, since I’m no longer wrapped up in or swayed by her ever-shifting moods.

And she seems to be happier too. Our visits are good. She looks forward to them, thanks me profusely for them, and tells me how much they mean to her. We rarely argue or disagree. I’m no longer communicating defensively with her, as though waiting for the other shoe to drop—with a shield of protection encased around my heart.

 

And finally, when God decides it’s her time to go, I won’t be left with remorse, bitterness or regrets.

 

My husband, younger son and I have our suspicions that that’s the reason He’s kept her on earth all of these tough, extra years—so I can let her go with a free and joyful heart.

And not be burdened with years of unresolved pain and regret.

 

After years and years and years of heartache, frustration, tears, and beseeching prayers, I think I’ve finally learned what He’s been trying to teach me and was probably too weak and stubborn to figure out.

I am giddy with gratefulness.

My life has totally changed.

How about you?

Are you expecting something from someone that they can’t possibly give you?

How could acknowledging that rock your world?

 

Until next week, when we’ll be talking painting over deep cracks.

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Benefits of Active and Passive Rest

I’ve been thinking a lot about sleep lately, probably because I hadn’t been getting as much sleep as I needed. Knee injury pain made sleep—or any kind of decent rest—impossible for several weeks, and my own careless lifestyle added to the problem.

I was staying up too late, reading too many articles on my phone, getting my eyeballs fried from the glaring light and lack of blinking. (You know we blink less when we stare at tech screens, don’t you? That causes our eyes to take in more light and get dry from the lack of moisturizing when benefit from when we do blink.)

I finally had enough, so I mandated some going-to-bed practices for myself and enlisted my evil cell phone for support! Next week, I’ll tell you all about what I did and how well it’s working for me. But today, I want to cover a couple of other important habits or lifestyle practices that can help you stay healthier and happy.

Like sleep, they fall into the category of rest.

 

Active Rest—

According to the 12 Minute Athlete, “active rest” is when you’re still moving but not at the intensity level that you normally move on a regular workout day. It’s important for people who workout daily to rest overworked muscles and aid the recovery process.

 

But what if you’re not an athlete, or everyday, hardcore exerciser?

Active Rest is beneficial for anyone who is busy and pretty active on a daily basis. And you don’t have to be running, lifting weights or participating in heavy cycling.

Think about your daily workload and the stress you incur while working. Do you have to run from office to office, or building to building? Are you going brain dead from all of the nonsense planning meetings you have to attend?

Active rest can be a day where you change up the pace a bit by slowing down and focusing on more relaxing, gentle movements.

According to the article, active rest can be:

  • Going for an easy to moderate hike with your friends or family
  • Taking an easy bike ride
  • Going for an easy swim
  • Light stretching
  • Taking a relaxing walk (This is not power walk time!)
  • Playing with your dog, kids, grandkids
  • Doing some sort of fun activity that you enjoy. Maybe something new to exercise or stress different body parts. Nothing competitive.

 

The goal is to get moving, but not too much.

Some of the article feedback noted people doing house cleaning, Pilates and stretching. Other people liked to box. (That seems to be gaining popularity, especially among women.)

My husband used to pull out his roller blades and he, I, the kids and the dogs would head down to a local park for several zooms around the walking path. The boys would wheel right along with their dad. I was the designated dog walker, by choice. A roller blader, I’m not.

 

Passive Rest—

While athletes will define passive rest as participating in an active that allows your heart rate to drop back to normal as quickly as possible, we’re aiming for something a little more pedestrian or general public level here.

For our purposes, passive rest is when you’re quietly resting but still awake, and not engaged in multitasking.

 

I think a lot of people might engage in this too much, but there are others—like my husband—who have great difficulty just sitting and resting quietly. It’s taken years of practice, but now he looks forward to it. Advancing age may be contributing, but he’s making the most out of his passive rest periods. It’s a time he can shut his overactive brain down and recover.

What kinds of activities constitute “quietly resting?”

You could be lying on the couch with your eyes closed. My mother used to say she was “checking out the backs of her eyelids” when she did this, when we accused her of sleeping.

Although some say watching a movie or television is quiet resting, I’d be cautious about putting that in the resting category. Unless it’s a comedy or a somewhat interesting movie, television watching has been shown to actually decrease brain wave function to a damaging level. You want to rest, but I don’t think we’re aiming for brain dead.

 

As a society, we sit way too much and much of that sitting is down in front of a television, anyway. I would recommend that you use this rest technique judiciously and sporadically because it’s also contributed to the horrendous obesity epidemic we have going on in our country.

Another good passive rest can be a soak in a spa tub or bubble bath, eyes closed or reading a book.

 

But whatever you select, make sure you pick out an activity that makes you feel relaxed and that slows your breathing. Maybe coloring, brushing your dog or cat, daydreaming. Watching a sunset or sunrise. Listening to your favorite classical or acoustic worship music.

 

Mix it up—

Make sure you incorporate both active and passive resting periods into your week.

Sunday—the most popular day of rest—is a wonderful day to fit these in. Try using these techniques to unwind and recharge mentally, instead of using Sunday to run errands or hit the mall.

I think you’ll find the health and fitness rewards amazing!

 

Until next week,

Find your passive resting happy place or space.

Your brain (and body) will be celebrating!

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Are Your Dreams Too Big?

I’m flitting around the Northwest, enjoying the great outdoors, but I wanted to give you a shot of encouragement today, especially if you have a tendency to chastise yourself for not measuring up, for over-planning and under-achieving, for comparing yourself too much and too often to others who seem to be poster persons of success and finding yourself wanting, and then doing it all over again, hoping things will be different this time.

 

Christian music artist Josh Wilson has a great song out called “Dream Small.” When I watched the official YouTube version, it reminded me of the story of the young woman applying to a prestigious college. On her entrance essay, she said she hadn’t achieved anything extraordinary and didn’t want to be a leader; she wanted to be the best follower and team person she could be. The admissions counselors were so impressed that they admitted her, without reservation. They noted how refreshing it was to receive an honest essay, one that didn’t embellish facts or awards or brag about what a great leader the student would be.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to stop listening to achievement pundits who extol pushing and achieving and sacrifice at the cost of family, friendships, and sometimes morals.

Enjoy a refreshing look at dreaming and doing in Josh Wilson’s “Dream Small,” and note just how important those small, cumulative dreams and actions are to life and those your dreams influence.

Simple moments really can change lives—yours and others.

I’m flitting around the Northwest, enjoying the great outdoors, but I wanted to give you a shot of encouragement today, especially if you have a tendency to chastise yourself for not measuring up, for over-planning and under-achieving, for comparing yourself too much and too often to others who seem to be poster persons of success and finding yourself wanting, and then doing it all over again, hoping things will be different this time.

 

Christian music artist Josh Wilson has a great song out called “Dream Small.” When I watched the official YouTube version, it reminded me of the story of the young woman applying to a prestigious college. On her entrance essay, she said she hadn’t achieved anything extraordinary and didn’t want to be a leader; she wanted to be the best follower and team person she could be. The admissions counselors were so impressed that they admitted, without reservation. They noted how refreshing it was to receive an honest essay, one that didn’t embellish facts or awards or brag about what a great leader the student would be.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to stop listening to achievement pundits who extol pushing and achieving and sacrifice at the cost of family, friendships, and sometimes morals.

 

Enjoy a refreshing look at dreaming and doing in Josh Wilson’s “Dream Small,” and note just how important those small, cumulative dreams and actions are to life and those your dreams influence.

Simple moments really can change lives—yours and others.

 

 

Until next week, may God bless your dreams!

 

Blessings,

 

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.