Category: Meditation

Getting Unstuck: Starting Your Year With Prayer

I encountered a lot of grief last week. Not my own, but the deep-seated, clinging grief of others. Overwhelming grief that came in wave after wave after wave of drowning torture. Fellow believers baring their souls.

And it wasn’t just loss of a loved one grief. It involved loss of a dream, loss of a job, injuries that curtailed work and careers, mental illness in loved ones, anxiety and depression, self-esteem issues and fear.

Some of the grief was fresh, some of it lingering. Some of it was being clung to like a mantel, and it produced a soul-breaking shame.

 

It reminded me just how much all of us need prayer, and how little time we usually devote to it.

And it reminded me that just like getting your day started right, getting your year started right means beginning it with focused prayer.

 

But what do you pray for?

 

Taking stock of what you can take stock of for your year—

There are certain things we know will likely happen in the year, and things we hope to happen. It could be continuing in the same job, having to interact with the same difficult co-worker that was a thorn in your side in 2018. It could be a new semester of tough professors; or a new job. A wedding, a joining together of two families.

Whatever is already on your 2019 calendar, it’s not too early to start praying. Or too late. God is still on the throne and He majors in the business of changing lives—yours and others.

And if you really don’t know what to pray for, then spend your prayer time asking God to reveal that to you. He will. He wants us to pray. Praying for the right thing in the right way with the right motive is a sweet aroma to Him. And just sitting in His presence, listening to Him can reveal a plethora of insights and new directions!

 

I’ve been blessed to be a witness to some pretty powerful results of prayer, both as a recipient and a participant. What I’ve learned over the years is:

  • EVERYTHING needs to be committed to God in prayer.
  • Prayer should be our first resort, not our last.
  • While you’re making plans, He orders your steps.
  • Unless the Lord builds your house, you labor in vain.

 

But what about all of your past failures? Are they holding your prayers back?

It’s so easy to get mentally and emotionally stuck on our past failures. And that can affect how we view our futures and how we set goals, make plans, and pray.

In pastor, author and writing coach Cecil Murphey’s January newsletter, he offers some advice on how to flip the outlook and enjoy more—and better—results.

 

“In 1987, six of us talked about the year ahead. We were good friends, met regularly, and decided to meet New Year’s Eve and read from a list that began with, ‘I resolve to . . .’ 

Each of us read our list and *Joel was the last, but he hadn’t written anything. ‘I just can’t do it. Each year I start out with grand ideas and strong determination of things I want to achieve. By the end of February, I’ve failed.’ He talked for a couple of minutes about individual fiascos such as developing an exercise program and being on time for appointments.

One of the others said, “But even if you failed, you tried.”

I didn’t see that response as helpful to Joel and was trying to figure out what to say. Then, in one of those rare moments of clarity, I said, ‘I’ll bet you never learned to ride a bicycle.’

“I certainly did!”

‘But didn’t you spill a few times?’

‘Everyone does—‘ and then Joel started to laugh. ‘I get it! I don’t have to remember my past when I plan my future.’ 

I thought of Joel’s words today and how well he had said them. Then I pondered several times where I’d fallen short of my goals last year. Although I struggled with guilt, my lack of success hadn’t crippled me. 

‘I didn’t succeed in everything last year,’ I said aloud. ‘I don’t have to focus on what I didn’t do right. I can concentrate on what I want to achieve.’

 

Are you like Cec Murphey’s friend, Joel? Focusing on the past failures rather than the times when you tried and tried and tried again and finally succeeded, like when you learned how to ride a bike? Or when you learned how to walk? You probably don’t remember that one, but you undoubtedly fell repeatedly on your diapered fanny and kept at it until you successfully toddled around and then sprinted.

Do you approach your prayer life like that kind of persistence and trust in the One who hears your prayers?

Or does your past keep worming its way into your memory and soul, dragging you down and short circuiting your prayers, robbing you of your future hopes and dreams?

 

Getting your year off to a great start with prayer—

 Because our prayer life is so important, and we need to get 2019 off to a great start, ll of the January Meditation Mondays posts will be dedicated to prayer.

Some of the prayer topics and ideas we’ll look at include:

  • Prayer and Relationships
  • Discerning Prayers
  • Using God’s Word to Breathe New Life into your Prayers
  • Imparting (and Teaching) a Heritage of Prayer

 

And while I’m a firm believer in parking yourself in a quiet corner of your home with your Bible, journal, pen and maybe some prayer beads, to spend quality, undistracted communing time with the Lord, I do realize that sometimes schedules make it difficult if not impossible to get on your knees in solitude. And when that happens, we usually throw our hands up in despair and are overcome with guilt.

For those times, we’ll look at some effective and satisfying options that let you multitask your prayer time with another, beneficial activity. The ideas will help you practice the encouragement St. Paul gives us when he says, “Pray without ceasing.”

It will become a sweet, fruitful habit. And in the process, you’ll find yourself becoming more receptive and responsive to the Holy Spirit’s voice. And that’s a benefit all of us need!

 

Until next Monday,

start brainstorming all of the things you could—and should be—bringing to the Lord in prayer.

And start by praying for yourself!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

*Not his real name

Are Your Standards Higher than God’s?

Most of the stories the group members relayed were full of anguish and turmoil. Pain heaped upon pain. And as I listened to them tell their stories, a couple of thoughts crossed my mind.

It was clear that some had told their stories before. Many times. And a few of them seemed to enjoy telling their stories. I wasn’t sure if they went on and on because they were nervous, or they wanted or needed to be heard, or they had gotten so accustomed to the attention they received when telling the story that they craved it, had become addicted to it.

Certainly, being Christians, they expressed joy in the Lord, and gratefulness for His salvation. But the peace He promises seemed to be missing.

And then there was the shame. The deep, profound feeling of shame they projected over their weaknesses, failures and hurts they’d caused others. Some had confessed their sins and turned from their evil ways decades ago, and yet they still wept over their behavior.

They seemed to focus more on their shame and sins than they did on the dismantling and destruction of their chains. Their cleansing.

 

They still struggled with feelings of unworthiness.

While they possessed the head knowledge of their new lives in Christ, they clung to the pain and sins of their old lives. They identified them.

They didn’t focus on being a new creature.

They forgot that when God forgives sins, He will remember them no more. As far as the east is from the west is the distance God has removed our transgressions from us.

They didn’t seem to want to let go.

They weren’t going through the process of renewing their minds.

And they were beating themselves up about it.

 

In short, it comes down to what Dr. David Jeremiah told a young lady who just couldn’t get from the God-forgiving-her-stage, to forgiving herself,

 

“So your standards are higher and better than God’s?”

 

Wow! That’s looking at through a different lens, isn’t it? And He’s right. When you stop and think about it, it’s ludicrous what we project onto our loving, tender, long-suffering and forgiving God.

Does all of that sound too familiar?

 

Can you picture this scenario?

Jesus tells you: “Your sin is forgiven, but I’m going to be banging you in the head over it for the rest of your life. Just so you don’t forget how awful you are and awful your sin was, and how much you owe me for My sacrifice and salvation.”

 

Can you imagine Him doing that to you?

Well, he doesn’t and He wouldn’t.

 

So why do we act as thought He does?

It’s becoming more painfully clear to me that so much of our mental, emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical anguish is self-inflicted. And it shouldn’t be that way. In fact, I think it grieves our Saviors heart to watch how we punish ourselves, and others who have also asked for and received forgiveness for their confessed sins.

 

How about you?

  • Are you stuck in the self-infliction pattern?
  • Have you set higher standards than God has for you?
  • Are you continuing to beat yourself up over some failure you confessed and know you’ve received forgiveness for?
  • Is your behavior threatening your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health?
  • If so, what will you do to change your attitude and behavior this year?
  • Do you need to confess to Him that you’ve been punishing yourself and seek forgiveness for self-harm?
  • Do you know anyone who needs encouragement and maybe some enlightenment and correction in this area?

 

My prayer is that we can all take the Savior at His word, rest in His peace and joy, walk through life with a light step, and reject the self-incrimination that can bind our hearts, minds, emotions and actions.

Let’s make sure we allow God to set the standards for our lives!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

 

BLOG SCHEDULE NOTE: As 2019 has dawned, it became clear that, in order to complete my memoir manuscript this year and prepare it for publication, and complete all of the writing set before me, that I would have to reduce my blog posting schedule.

To accomplish that, Free-for-All Fridays will be reduced to once-a-month posts, which will be published on the first Friday of each month.

So I’ll see you back here the first Friday of February, which happens to be the 1st!

Until then, walk lightly, and be forgiving—of yourself and others.

How to Start your New Year with a Health Self-Assessment Instead of Resolutions

Well, it’s likely that you’ve fully embraced your New Year’s resolutions and are hot on the path of pursuing them, you have them written down, or you have them tallied up in your mental storage.

But if you want to make life changes, is that the best way for you to start?

Instead of coming up with an endless list of resolutions, why not try a more focused approach, one that is more likely to bring you success.

Why not try formulating an annual overall health self-assessment first?

 

Advantages of first doing a health self-assessment—

Most people realize that the majority of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned with the first month of the new year. While there may be many reasons for that, an important one is that the resolution was either not carefully thought out or planned out.

There really was no solid basis for the resolution and logical path to follow to get there.

 

What is a health self-assessment?

With a self-assessment, you can gather the critical information to allow you to take a magnifying glass look at exactly where you are in life, identify the paths that need the most attention, care and adjustment and give you a guide for designing a change blueprint, making those important changes, increasing your chances of success and enjoying satisfying and effective life changes.

But what areas should you target in your assessment?

 

5 self-assessment focus areas—
  1. Spiritual. While most professionals will list physical s the first category, I argue that your spiritual life is the most important one and the category upon which you structure and develop the other four.

Why is spiritual so important? Because a healthy spiritual life, with weekly church or religious organization attendance and involvement, has been shown to be a critical component in all communities where longevity and effective aging are the most successful. (We’ll explore this more when we talk about Blue Zones.)

Studies show spiritual health is associated with greater wellness. So if your aim is for wellness, why not use spirituality as your strong foundation? Something that involves more than just personal meditation (which is a critical component), or interacting with nature (also important).

My Meditation Mondays blog posts can help you with the spiritual category; but for now, make a personal assessment on how much time you spend—

  • Meditating
  • Praying
  • Attending church or a religious service
  • Gathering with like-minded friends of the same faith

 

Decide what you need (more Bible study, more prayer, engage with a local congregation) and take whatever steps are necessary to open and enrich your life to your spiritual needs and health.

 

  1. Physical. Always focus on staying healthy, but make sure you fashion your fitness plan or program to meet specific goals.

Don’t be vague or general. Make a list of specific goals you want to meet. If you want to gain a certain cardiovascular fitness, decide what that fitness level will be and what it will take to reach it and maintain it.

What if you’re older and just want to aim for having more energy to run around with your grandkids, without having stiff knees or back, or couch-calling fatigue. What is it that’s driving you and the change or goal?

Knowing the specific answers to these questions will help you stay motivated and enjoy more success.

 

  1. Intellectual. Make sure you devise a category, and activities, to exercise your brain and mental stamina.
  • Learn something new.
  • Play board games or crossword puzzles.
  • Study a subject you’re unfamiliar with.
  • Pick up a new activity. Exercise a different way. (Yes, this does trigger brain neuron growth.
  • Take a class at a local college or community college. Many colleges allow senior citizens to audit classes without charge.
  • Take an existing passion or skill to a new level. Improve upon what you already do or know.
  • Join a book or chess club, or conquer your public speaking fear by joining Toastmasters!

 

  1. Social. This is another Blue Zone must—having a strong social network. We’re not talking a fraternity house number of friends, but a handful of really close people you can share your heart with. People who support and encourage and pray for you. Those you can call for help and rely on. People you can laugh and cry with, dine with, and live out life with.

 

  1. Financial. Stressing about financial issues is one of the type 5 stressors on the life stress and depression-triggering list. It’s also one of the top reasons couples end up in counseling and divorce court.

So do the dirty (and probably unsavory) work of figuring out your financial status and what you need to do to improve it. While some of the changes you have to make may be drastic, like forgoing any dining out or downsizing from a spacious home to a cozy apartment. Purging the stuff you hoarded and stored in the garage. Living more simply.

These are not quality of life changes, but they might be quantity. Once you bite the bullet, so to speak, and make them, you’re likely to enjoy the simplicity and freedom you feel as you reduce your debt and feeling of being chained to work and monthly debt payments.

Decide what you want to do—like travel more, maybe—and draw up some plans and charts to meet that goal.

 

So start your 2019 right! Take the steps to really make this new year happier health-wise.

 

NEXT WEEK: We’ll take a quick look at the new fitness guidelines and talk about what they mean for you!

Until then,

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.”  —J.R.R. Tolkien

Finding Hope, Healing, and Purpose in the New Year!

Are you facing 2019 with doubt, uncertainty, frustration, life fatigue, or lingering heart and brain naggings about your past, ones that hold you back from accomplishing your hopes and goals or keep you from having dreams?

If so, I’d like to leave you with a few thoughts today that may give you insight and encouragement, to remind you that you do have a hope and a future.

 

There are so many things I could say to offer you encouragement, but I’m going to give you some uplifting quotes that may give you a new or fresh perspective, or simply cause you to nod in agreement or put a smile on your face. Get you all excited about the New Year! Ones you can write down and keep with you to read when you need a pick-me-up.

So here it goes!

 

I can’t say I’m a huge Willie Nelson fan, but he did say something I agree with and like:

 

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

 

Why do you think that’s true?

Maybe it’s because having a positive attitude and demeanor completely changes your perspective on everything you do and encounter in life. People respond differently to you, and you treat them differently. I think you’ll enjoy life more.

 

The aging paradox—

Wisdom is supposed to come with age, but sometimes it feels as though you’re not gaining anything, except a slower mind and droopy skin.

We’re all getting older, but some of us are feeling our aging more than others, and we’re concerned. Keep these things in mind when doubts nettle your heart and brain—

 

“Don’t feel obligated to act your age.”

 

And this one—

 

“Your body may be tired, but you can chase squirrels and leap fences in your dreams.”

 

Both are quotes by Cynthia Copeland in her adorable book Really Important Stuff My Dog Has Taught Me.

How true that second quote is. And it actually keeps your brain young!

 

And along with that thought, here’s what C.S. Lewis had to say about aging and dreaming—

 

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

 

In her wonderful book, Really Important Stuff My Dog Has Taught Me, Cynthia Copeland also writes about aging gracefully—

 

“Age neither defines a dog, nor overwhelms his thoughts. Because they live in the present, dogs don’t see time the way we do, regretting years gone by and obsessing over the days that are left. An old dog doesn’t focus on what he can no longer do, but what he still can do. Dogs cope, they adapt, they look for reasons to wag their tails. And no matter what, they never do the math and figure out how old they are in dog years.”

 

Whenever I’ve used the “I can’t do that, I’m (so many years) old,” my younger son Cory says, “Now, don’t look at it that way! You’ve got to keep going, keep dreaming. You can do whatever you set your mind to do!”

He’s right, only sometimes I have to alter what it is I want to set my mind to do. There is reality, but that doesn’t mean I have to stop dreaming. Like any old dog, I may sleep more and longer, take shorter walks, jump lower and catch fewer balls. But I’ll still try.

And if being able to do something means I need to change my eating, sleeping or exercise habits to accomplish or enjoy it, then making those changes seems worth it to me.

So putting all of those ideas into perspective, I can whittle it down to a good bullet list:

 

  • Don’t let my age define me (young or old!) or anyone else.
  • Don’t waste time or mental real estate thinking about my age.
  • Stop regretting the years gone by, the mistakes, the sins, the missed opportunities. (This is probably one of the biggest problems I, and many others, have. We saddle our brains and hearts with what ifs.)
  • Don’t think about the days you have left. No one knows the answer to that anyway. Thank God for every new day you wake up to serve Him and enjoy your family and friends and life.
  • Focus on what you can do not on what you can no longer do.
  • Cope and adapt. Look for reasons to wag your tail and give thanks!
  • And stop counting the years!

 

I made a mental note to stop counting the years this last birthday—my big 6-0. I had a party and told my family and friends it was the last formal celebration I’d have (and maybe even the last birthday I’d really recognize), until I turned 70, if—God willing—I lived that long or Jesus didn’t return first. My older son said, “Yeah, I don’t believe that.” (Snark.)

But I intend to keep my word. This February will be a new birthday, and I will officially “end” my yearlong 6-0 celebrations. Celebrating for a year sounds self-indulgent, I know, but I had some very good reasons to do that. I returned to Hawaii to face some personal mental demons and slay them. I went to Disneyland for my actual birthday to relive some precious childhood memories. While there, I realized that I could, if I wanted, still fulfill a childhood dream to work at the Happiest Place on Earth. There are plenty of “older” people working in the park, doing fun things like entertaining children and dressing in really cool costumes. (That speaks to my residual thespian heart.)

In the last several years I’ve worn braces. I told my family and friends that I didn’t know how many more years I have, but if I happened to live as long as my parents (88 and still going at 97!), I might as well have straight, healthy teeth. Then came the unexpected gum graft this year, brought on not by age but by genetics and overzealous teeth cleaning. Then I recently had that bone spur chopped off my big toe, something I’ve putting off for a couple of years. Next year I plan to have regenerative medicine injections.

A friend recently said, “Wow, you’re having everything worked on!”

I laughed before saying, “Yeah, but there are few parts that need work that I won’t be doing anything about!” Then we both guffawed together. Since she’s in her late 70s, she understood.

 

Some life possibilities in the back of my mind—

And I can find a good ukulele teacher and go back to playing that instrument. And take acting lessons, learn how to speak French much better than I do, and attend our church’s Spanish church to sharpen my Spanish language skills for when we return to Spain for another leg of the Camino, again, God willing.

And then there’s the calligraphy program I have that I haven’t cracked open. It’s been sitting on my shelf for years, along with special ink pens my family has gifted me. I used to be quite adept at it, and even calligraphied the addresses on all of my wedding invitations and thank you cards. It appealed to my artsy side, and I found it relaxing. I also liked to crochet for the same reasons. I’ll be making blankets this year for the family members.

 

I’m sure if you sat down and re-hashed your long-forgotten dreams you’ll arrive at some you’d still like to pursue, even if it means you won’t ever be able to excel in them because of your age and lifetime limits.

And don’t feel obligated to change the world. If we all tried to make our little corner of it better, the ripple effect would be tremendous.

 

Are you hanging on too tightly to your past?

In her wonderful book The Choice: Embrace the Possible Dr. Edith Eva Eger says something that snagged my heart and gave me so much release of guilt and regret of unfulfilled or damaged dreams.

 

“If I’d know my mother would die that day, I would have said a different word. Or nothing at all. I could have followed her to the showers and died with her. I could have done something different. I could have done more. I believe this.

“And yet. (This “and yet” opening like a door.) How easily a life can become a litany of guilt and regret, a song that keeps echoing with the same chorus, with the inability to forgive ourselves. How easily the life we didn’t live becomes the only life we prize. How easily we are seduced by the fantasy that we are in control, that we were ever in control, that the things we could or should have done or said have the power, if only we had done or said them, to cure pain, to erase suffering, to vanish loss. How easily we can cling to—and worship—the choices we think we could or should have made.”

 

Read these particular lines again:

How easily the life we didn’t live becomes the only life we prize.

How easily we can cling to—and worship—the choices we think we could or should have made.

 

Is there a memory or regret you’ve been clinging to, something you’ve cherished and won’t let go, to the point of worshiping and making an idol out of it?

 

There are several things on my list, and I’ve determined that I must—for my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health—boot them off the memory idol throne and put them in proper perspective.

 

And finally, two more quotes to rev up your New Year—

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.” Albert Einstein

 

And one by the most well known and popular children’s book writers that ever lived—

 

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

 

Happy New Year!

Start dreaming, hoping, healing and forgiving,

and make it great!

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

The Choice: How to Forgive Others and Yourself and Enjoy Freedom!

Did you get any nonfiction books for Christmas? You know, the ones you (or the giver) thought may improve your life in 2019?

If you didn’t get any literary gifts (a standard and favorite present in our family), and you aren’t primed with any for the new year, may I recommend one to you?

If you’re a lover of memoirs, a WWII history buff, or a studier of the Holocaust, you’ll delight in this read.

If you’re looking for a book that will inspire you to greater heights, show you how to forgive the atrocities of your past, help you understand yourself and your pain, and encourage you to never give up hope, this is one you’ll want to read!

 

The Choice: Embrace the Possible is Dr. Edith Eva Eager’s memoir, the story of a girl who dreamed, had her dreams destroyed, survived Auschwitz against all odds, and learned how to heal herself. And in that process, she learned how to help others heal.

Her parents are killed, the feared, notorious and deadly Dr. Josef Mengele “forces Edie to dance for his amusement and her survival.”

As the back cover blurb says,

 

“Edie spent decades struggling with flashbacks and survivor’s guilt, determined to stay silent and hide from the past. She raised a family and studied and practiced psychology. Thirty-five years after the war ended, she returned to Auschwitz and was finally able to heal and forgive the one person she’d been unable to forgive—herself.

“In The Choice, Edie weaves her remarkable personal journey with the moving stories of those she has helped heal. She explores how e can be imprisoned in our own minds and shows us how to find the key to freedom. A wise, compassionate, and life-changing book, The Choice will provide hope and comfort to generations of readers.”

 

The Choice is brutally honest and revelatory. It’s a poignant coming-of-age story that will touch women and men and adolescents. It’s a story of pain, forgiveness, hard choices, undying love, and reconciliation.

 

I was drawn to the book for several reasons, one of which is its Holocaust story, something I started studying in high school. My father was part of the military group that liberated Dachau in Germany. I’ve seen pictures of the horrors he encountered there, although he could never bring himself to the point of being able to describe them to me.

 

I’ve dog-eared numerous pages in this book that’s filled with psychological insights that gave me “ah ha” moments and a better understanding of grieving loss of a dream or a person.

In her introduction, Dr. Eger says,

 

“If you asked me for the most common diagnosis among the people I treat, I wouldn’t say depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, although these conditions are all too common among those I’ve known, loved, and guided to freedom. No, I would say hunger. We are hungry. We are hungry for approval, attention, affection. We are hungry for the freedom to embrace life and to really know and be ourselves.”

 

Could that be on your “wish list” for your life in this New Year and beyond?

The freedom to embrace life and to really know and be yourself?

 

Maybe you’re on the continuum and have made great headway toward harnessing and enjoying freedom. Maybe you don’t know how to gain it and need a kick start.

If you find yourself in either of these situations, I encourage you to add this book to your 2019 reading list, sooner rather than later!

 

Until next Friday (and next year!),

think about how you can embrace life and really be free!

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

I receive no monetary benefit from recommending this book or the sale of it.