Category: Brain Health

What do Personality, Cognitive Traits and Gender Have to do with Gratitude?

Are some people just naturally grateful, or did their parents teach them to have gratitude? Does gender play any role in gratitude? What about personality, cognitive, or psychological traits?

It turns out that you can answer yes, yes, yes and yes! to all of these possibilities.

Let me show you why.

 

Determiners of your gratitude—

Psychologists are looking into what determines whether or not a person demonstrates gratefulness. They’ve wondered whether it is personality, cognitive or gender. First, we’ll explore their findings in personality factors.

 

Personality and gratitude—

Scientists have wondered if gratitude could be considered its own personality trait. Can it be added to the Big 5 traits Saucier and Goldberg categorized in 1998?

  • Agreeableness
  • Conscientiousness
  • Extraversion
  • Neuroticism
  • Openness

 

The findings are inconclusive. While it is clear some people are more grateful than others, the researchers still debate whether gratitude, or gratefulness, can actually be classified as a bona fide personality trait.

So then they turn to:

 

 

Cognitive factors—

This area is where the research yields more conclusive data. According to a Greater Good Science Center whitepaper on the subject:

 

“The ways that we think about a giver can increase or decrease the likelihood we will feel gratitude in a certain situation. In particular, studies have found that how participants see the intention of a benefactor, the cost to the benefactor, and the value of the benefit are all independently and significantly associated with the level of gratitude reported by these participants.”

 

In other words: the higher the perception of gift-giver benevolence—the genuineness behind the giving—the greater the recipient’s gratitude toward the giver, and with the gift.

 

 Free will or predestination?

And interestingly enough, people who believe in free will (rather than pre-destined) or those who have been primed to feel more free will exists, believe a giver is more sincere in his actions.

This finding has been supported with neuroimaging studies of the brain area associated with reward. In a bullet point nutshell:

A benefactor’s intention or motivation influences a recipient’s gratitude experience!

 In yet another interesting research result, though

 

“People had to believe they were responsible for their own success at something [like a test result] in order to feel gratitude for the help they received.”

 

Other results show—

Gratitude levels were affected by comparisons of a giver or gift to other favors or gifts given by others. Kind of like a gift comparison scale.

 

Unexpected favors and gifts resulted in higher gratitude levels.

 

Yet a recent study indicated that

 

“Gratitude was more related to the value of the benefit received rather than to the participant’s expectations of generosity from people more or less close to them.”

 

Evidently people are prone to comparing gifts, weighing the differences between them, and assessing the giver. It all starts getting more complex than imagined, but who among us hasn’t experienced some of these thoughts:

  • Thinking the gift giver was just trying to get on our good side or schmooze us.
  • Comparing—before you even had a chance to shut down the ungenerous, skeptical thought—a gift someone gives you to a gift the person gave someone else.
  • Not feeling particularly grateful for a gift because the gift didn’t hold much value for or to you, even though the giver thought his gift was stupendous and thoughtful.
  • Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for a gift you know the giver thought carefully about and bought, even though you knew it was costly to them.

 

And then there’s the gender factor in gratefulness—

Studies point to children and adolescent girls being more grateful.

Adult women appear to be grateful than adult men.  And women tend to be more grateful to God than men.

In 20009, researchers Kashdan, Mishra, Breen, and Froh found that

 

“Men were less likely to feel and express gratitude, made more critical evaluations of gratitude, and derived fewer benefits.”

 

Could it be that men associate gratitude with weakness? That’s a question researchers are still pondering.

Or could it be the culture in which the men are raised?

Research indicates that’s a possibility.

In experiments, men from Germany have been found to be significantly more grateful than American males. And the German men were also more likely to see gratitude as a positive.

Do American men see gratitude as a sign of weakness?

 

Individual barriers to gratitude—

“Yes” the research shows. Personality and individual factors do appear to play a role. There are certain personality traits that negatively affect gratitude. They include:

Materialism, and

Envy (coveting)

“High materialists are less happy in part because they find it harder to be grateful for what they have.”

 

Cynicism

Scripture has some things to say about a cynical attitude (it’s not positive), but something else to be considered here is the iGeneration—also known as Generation Z, Post-Millenials, Founders, Plurals or Homeland Generation—has some significant, disturving characteristics. They tend to be:

  • Very cynical and less trusting
  • Have the highest IQ of any other measured generation
  • Have the highest rates of suicide, which is one of the leading causes of death for teens and young adults

Do all of these factors—cynical nature, high intellect, and mental illness (and a sense of hopelessness)—prime these young people to have less gratitude toward life, gifts, people, nature? And God.

 

What are we older adults demonstrating for them and teaching them through our words, actions and way we live our lives? Through television programming and movies? The way we, ourselves, use and get addicted to technology and social sites that do little or nothing to improve our lives, or only make us feel more disconnected and lonely.

I think we have a serious problem that needs immediate attention.

 

Narcissism and gratitude—

Ever give a narcissist a gift? What kind of response did you get? Flat? Disinterest? Not much of an acknowledgement or thank you?

Researchers wonder if narcissists might not even notice a gift has been given to them. Why? Because they believe they’re entitled to the gift.

Sometimes it seems as though there are a lot of narcissists around these days too.

Are we raising and conditioning a generation and nation of narcissists because of all the “you deserve it” rhetoric the last 40 years? Madison Avenue marketers have made a bundle pitching us that line, and we become envious and frustrated and sometimes depressed when we can’t have it or don’t get it. We overspend to have it, sink ourselves into financial quagmires by buying into their advertising lines.

And politicians get in on the you-deserve-it game too. Pay careful attention to what they say and how they feed into narcissistic tendencies.

 

How are we allowing others to affect our gratitude?

 

The headwinds/tailwinds (barriers vs. benefits) factors—

Ever have something go really wrong in life? How do you compare it to the times when things were really going right?

Turns out that the headwinds (things are going badly) events get far more attention and weight in our lives and thinking than do the tailwinds (things are going great) events.

 

We tend to focus more on the barriers we face than on the benefits we enjoy.

Barriers versus benefits.

What do you focus most on?

Some of the funnier, and really revealing, examples researchers cited are:

 

  • “Democrats and Republicans believe the electoral map works against them.
  • “Football fans take more notice of the challenging games on their team’s   schedule than on a rival team’s schedule.
  • “People more frequently recall episodes when they thought a sibling was treated better than when they themselves were treated better.”

 

And you?

How would you measure yourself on these scales and with these factors?

Do you have friends or family members that could be poster children for any of these factors?

Do these results cause you to pause and take stock of your own gratitude, and the gratitude you’ve received (or haven’t received) from others?

Does it deepen your understanding and appreciating of gratitude?

 

As we move toward Thanksgiving, when gratefulness is really on our mind, start thinking about how tailwinds and headwinds in life affect your thinking and gratitude. Could you turn your tailwinds around to view them in a more positive light?

 

How can you raise your gratitude quotient?

 

NEXT WEEK we’ll look at social and cultural factors linked to gratitude—like religion, culture and parenting?

Until then,

Keep priming the gratitude pump, in you and your family!

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

 Photo by Nathan Dumlao on unsplash.com

Keeping the Camino Alive at Home

One of the biggest things I miss about being on the Camino de Santiago is that I’m no longer outside as much as I was when walking it. I’m inside. Too much. All that fresh air, sunshine, the varied terrain, endless views, and those interesting cloud formations to enjoy and revitalize me.

So that’s one of the ways I’m continuing my Camino here at home. I’m making a point of getting outside more often. Taking my ten-minutes from writing breaks outside. Feasting on the cooler weather, the backyard plants that have busted out in uniquely fall foliage and flowers, the brilliant green baby grass sprigs that have exploded from the ground. Then there are the songbirds that have returned from their summer mountain escape to feed at my feeders. The animal life outside the walls of my home is busy, and I’m enjoying witnessing it!

And I’m still walking.

But there are other ways Chris and I are continuing to maintain our new sense of freedom and peace.

Today I’ll give you three ways:

 

  1. Trying to maintain farmer hours.

We’d been trying to do this for about a year, but when we walked the Camino, we had to. And now we crave it!

The albergues (hostels strictly dedicated to Camino pilgrims) require the lights to be out by 10:00, (actually, they’re required by law to lock the doors and turn down the lights to ensure no late-night revelers crash the establishment and pilgrims can get some sleep). Many pilgrims wanted them out earlier, so they could hit the trail before dawn. So we developed the daily rhythm of rising with the sun (or the light switch being flicked to “on”) and beginning the winding down process right after dinner, which we usually ate around 7:00 to 7:30. (Although some blessed restaurants opened the dinner doors at 6:00 to accommodate us Westerners!)

One private home we stayed in (it was like a B&B for pilgrims) required the lights out at 9:00 because she had other tenants that needed to rise early.

Without television, computers, or phone WiFi (pronounced “Wee Fee” by some in Spain) to distract us, we wound down, read our maps and planned our next day’s route, and maybe chatted with other pilgrims. Sometimes we strolled around outside the hostel to enjoy the quiet or distance city lights before retiring to bed. Sometimes we scribbled thoughts in our journals.

 

At home, we’re making sure the computers are shut down at least an hour before bedtime and only necessary lights for maneuvering around the house or bedroom are left on. Since we don’t watch much television, that’s not a problem for us. But when we’ve been sitting on the couch watching it, we make sure it’s off at least an hour before bed too. (Football games that go to 11:00 PM not included!)

The cellphone is left in its hammock in the kitchen (Chris leaves his in the office room), and we don’t read emails, texts, or Internet articles online, or answer phone calls either. If I can, I even shut down the Internet connection. When Chris’s company uses the dead-of-night hours to load new programs on his computer, we can’t do this.)

For many reasons, we’ve always maintained a strict rule in our house that there are NO televisions in the bedrooms. Having one in a bedroom allows you to disassociate too easily from the rest of the family; it’s a serious sleep and body rhythm disrupter; and it ruins your husband-wife intimacy.

I’m sure you’ve read or heard the research: Keeping all the electronics going right up until bedtime, and often after you’ve gone to bed, ruins your sleep and causes sleep disturbances. Your body needs time to raise your melatonin levels to ensure good, healing, restorative sleep.

On the Camino, we got it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

  1. Preparing well for your day and making sure (as much as is possible with you) that you don’t rush to do anything!

On the Camino, if you weren’t prepared to pack up your backpack and leave the albergue at the designated (no excuses allowed or accepted) time, they locked the doors (8:00 AM in most), then you risked forgetting an item and getting off to a harried start.

I’m continuing that at home. If I can’t finish something in the time I have, I re-schedule it or plan to do when I know I have the time.

I resist allowing others to load up my time with things they think are “critical.” Most of the time they’re not. I don’t commit unless I feel a joy about doing it and know I have the time. Obviously some work requirements fall outside of this rule, especially in the joy department. But I’m also taking inventory on what gives me joy and a sense of purpose and what doesn’t, and that’s giving me more freedom (and reason) to choose what I do when.

 

In the simplest example, I don’t start a load of laundry at 9:00 at night, when I intend to be in bed by 9:30; or if I know I don’t have time to get the load washed, dried and properly hung up or folded to avoid wrinkles.

I don’t overschedule my day.

If I end up not being able to complete something I hoped to accomplish one day, I don’t stress about it. I move it to the next day’s schedule. Most of the time it’s not a critical, deadline-driven item. If it is, I make sure it gets done first, whether it’s my favorite thing to do or not.

I know, and am honest about, just how long it takes me to get ready to go some place.

 

On the Camino, Chris and I were able to whittle down our morning prep and backpack loading time to 45 minutes. But that amount of time felt rushed. An hour was more comfortable, so we planned for an hour. And then we rarely ran outside to rejoin the path. We’d stretch, survey the day, weather and our surroundings, smile at and chat with some passing pilgrims, make sure our water bottles were filled, our packs were comfortably situated on our backs, and our poles were in our hands. And then we’d decide if we wanted a café con leche and croissant before we got started, or would wait until a mid-morning break or the next town for those.

 

Back home I’m spending more time thinking about all of the items I need to gather together to accomplish my day and make it a success. Do I have everything I need to run the errands I plan to run? Have I put the necessary items in the car? (Like my grocery bags.) Can I consolidate errands on one day?

 

And the biggest, most effective question?

 

What can I do to make my day less stressful, less chaotic, more enjoyable, productive and successful?

 

Answering that question requires that I slow down and focus on what I’m doing and going to do. Where I’m going and how long I’m likely to be there. How long it actually takes to get there, without rushing or cutting others off in traffic. Making the journey itself enjoyable.

And another question I can ask myself is:

How much of the frustration and chaos in my life is my own fault, of my own doing, by my own hand?

Most of the time we have choices. We can set boundaries with others, and ourselves. When we don’t, we need to stop pointing the finger of blame at our bosses, our co-workers, our spouses and our kids. If we let them erase or move our boundaries, then we are likely the ones to blame for the pain, frustration and exhaustion it causes.

Which translates to: No whining allowed.

 

  1. Whatever I’m doing at the moment, no matter how small or insignificant it seems to be, I’m focusing entirely on what I’m doing.

Again, if getting up late and having to rush to prepare for your day and pack your backpack distracted you, you risked leaving something behind or starting your day feeling frantic and already physically and emotionally overwhelmed.

On the Camino, we got into the habit of planning two days out in advance. How far we planned to walk, the city where we would to spend the night. Then making sure we had lodgings secured someplace in that city.

That relieved us of the pressures (and potential mental distractions) of wondering what our day would look like, what we’d have time to see, whether or not we’d arrive in time to get a bed at a hostel (some are first-come, first served), and whether or not we’d have to walk all around that town to find an available room, or bed.

 

So now I’m on a mission to remove as many distractions as possible from life. Even the tiniest things that cause my brain to hiccup.

Like not reading the mail while I’m watching the news. Although I might use the commercial breaks for that.

 

And that includes reading text messages and emails. The only time the phone gets my attention during that time is if Chris or one of the boys calls.

Really enjoying folding the laundry and putting it in neat stacks, rather than haphazardly folding them and maybe leaving a heap of clean clothes on the bed because I got distracted by something else, or was trying to accomplish too many loads of laundry in a day or was too tired or frustrated by something else (like my ridiculously over-packed schedule) to really pay attention to doing a good job.

And not reading something (email, magazine, mail, etc.) while I’m talking to someone, telling them “Keep talking, I’m listening.” And focusing on my meal without reading mail or chatting on the phone. (For years studies have shown that people who pay attention to what they eat, really sit down, slow down and pay attention to their food slow down and eat far less and enjoy their food more.)

Focusing on cooking and preparing a meal instead of watching television (another place to not allow a television is in the kitchen). I’m even getting to the point where I don’t like the distraction of cooking at the stove and talking to someone—including Chris—simultaneously.

Have you ever seen a busy restaurant kitchen? It’s chaos and stress. I’ve determined that the quality and timeliness of my meals is in direct proportion to the amount of attention I give them.

I’m opting for quality and timeliness. It’s certainly allowing me more food preparation and cooking joy than I’ve ever experienced before!

 

One other positive benefit of being more deliberate and intentional with everything I do, including the laundry, is that I’m experiencing far fewer “now, what-did-I-come-in-this-room-for-again?” senior moments. Just another confirmation that it wasn’t so much my aging, shrinking brain as my lifestyle causing me such frustration, distraction and a sieve-like brain.

 

And it’s allowing me to enjoy devotion and prayer times with fewer distractions. My mind stays on topic. And I can really listen for, and to God. That’s the best benefit of all!

 

And you?

These steps might be no-brainers for you, things you’re already doing. If so, bravo!! I applaud you.

If not, consider trying them, or just one. Be deliberate. This is brain retraining, so you can learn new habits; make life more manageable and enjoyable. Less frustrating and overwhelming.

I think you’ll find that your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health will improve!

 

NEXT FRIDAY I’ll give you some additional changes you might try. Including some of the Spanish lifestyle behaviors I think allows them to outrank us in longevity.

Until then, may you find joy in being focused and undistracted!

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

 

Photos by Andrea A Owan

Zig Zag Hiking: Making the Climb Easier on the Camino de Santiago

I stood on the side of the rocky path and gasped for breath. My heart pounded so hard I thought my chest might explode. Sweat dribbled down my face and back.

This was brutal!

And I was not enjoying it.

 

The journey begins—

Chris and I were on our first day of walking the Camino de Santiago. We knew this day would likely be the toughest, although word on the street was that the next day—from Orisson, France to Roncesvalles, Spain—would be just as murderous, if not more so due to the steep elevation gain toward the end and then then precarious descent.

We would start in the medieval French town of St. Jean Pied de Pont, in the Basque country of southern France, at the beginning of the Pyrenees foothills. An elevation of 594 feet above sea level. In 5.1 miles, we would ascend to 3,614 feet.

By car, a 6-minute drive.

By foot, hours.

Not a trek for the faint of heart.

 

When Pierre, our adorable French bed and breakfast provider, waved his hand in dismissal and said in thickly accented English, “Oh, it is easy. No problem!” I chuckled. He was a strapping twenty-something who looked as though he could jog up and down that mountain all day and not feel tired.

In our giddiness to finally be on The Way after a year of planning, praying and physical preparation, the first mile or so didn’t seem so bad. And the view was gorgeous and the weather perfect, (fog and rain had been forecast for our start day, and we were relishing clear skies and warmth), which distracted us a little from our labors.

 

But then the real climbing started as we broke from the paved road and headed up the livestock path. We wobbled over and around sharp rocks as we made Z patterns up the switchbacks and stopped often to catch our breaths or adjust the position of our backpacks.

Then I found myself hiding in the shade of a tree, panting and sweating, looking down on all of those pristine white farmhouses with their identical red trim. My enthusiasm plummeted. Everything I had worried about in ascending the Pyrenees was coming to fruition.

 

Going in afraid—

Frankly, I had been terrified of hiking over those mountains. Hadn’t even wanted to go that route to begin with. I’d wanted to start the journey in Roncesvalles, like most other pilgrims, who seemed to be saner than us. This had been Chris’s idea, and he had pushed for it. “I think it would really add to the experience,” he said. “Make it special” Or something to that effect.

Honestly, I was more than a little miffed he was interjecting his plans into myGod-directed pilgrimage. Shouldn’t Ibe the one making the route decision? Nearly everything I read about those mountains talked about them in terms of the “much-feared” Pyrenees; how deadly they could be in bad weather.

But I caved in and tried to train by walking around our 3000-foot elevation, hilly neighborhood, and in Tucson’s mountains. “Remember, Andrea,” he said. “You live in a city with some of the most rugged mountains in the world. Those Pyrenees won’t be anything compared to them!” Humph, how does he know that? I thought. He’s only seen pictures of them.

 

His pep talk only dampened my worry for a couple of days. I was so worried about it I had a major meltdown the day before we departed Tucson. (The stress of having to prepare to leave the country for a month, with making sure my elderly mother was provided for and calmed down, didn’t help.)

I sat on the family room couch, pounding my fists on my knees and yelling at Chris about how terrified I was of hiking over the Pyrenees, berating him for how he had pushed me to go over those Pyrenees, and screaming and wailing that I didn’t want to hike over those Pyrenees. Ever!

He’d knelt down before me, gathered my hands in his and apologized. Then he encouraged me by saying that if I didn’t want to go, and it was too rough, we could take a cab over the mountain.

 

Ha! Now here we were, fulfilling what I had feared: Me and my beaten up knees and nodule-sprinkled lungs weren’t going to make it.

 

But while you can take the athlete out of the competition, you can’t take the competition out of the athlete. I was already on this mountain and determined to fight on.

After my umpteenth stop to slow my heart rate down, we pressed on. Not long after, Chris must have had a revelation because he padded up behind and whispered in my ear: “Don’t forget your training, Mrs. Owan. You should be zigzagging up this mountain.”

Eureka!!! “You’re right!” I responded. “I’d forgotten. All of my hill work at home, zigzagging up our foothills. Thank you for reminding me!”

My giddiness returned as I shifted my backpack again and re-clasped my hiking poles.

 

And up I went. Crisscrossing the path, weaving around other pilgrims as I greeted them with a wide smile and hearty “Buen Camino!” (The standard Spanish “howdy do” you give other pilgrims as you pass them.)

My heart rate and breathing slowed even as I leaned heavily on my poles. The walk intensity dropped to a level just above feeling easy. And my confidence and enjoyment levels shot up.

 

It was then I knew that I was going to make it over those mountains.

And thank Chris for pushing for this route.

 

Even with all of our panting and water breaks, we maintained a rigorous pace and arrived at the Orisson refuge with plenty of time to shower, wash and hang our clothes, enjoy a hot chocolate on the deck overlooking the rolling pastoral vistas of wheat, Basque sheep, cows, and work horses and village of St. Jean, take a nap and socialize with other pilgrims before the 7:00 PM dinner.

And I didn’t forget my zigzagging the rest of the journey, even on the descents. It saved my decrepit knees from disintegrating and the pilgrimage from potentially ending in disaster.

 

Why zig zag?

Like a switchback trail that cuts off the slope of a mountain, making it easier to climb or ascend it, (even though it inevitably increases the mileage you walk), zigzagging across a moderate to steep path decreases the slope—and difficulty—of the trail. I even used the technique on narrow trails, zig, zag, zig, zag, zig, zag. Shorter steps. Pivot, walk, pivot, walk. And use your poles to maintain your balance and disperse even more of the load, away from your hips and knees.

 

Like using ski poles as you zigzag down a mountain.

 

I encourage you to give it try on your next hike with a tough grade. I’m here to testify that it will likely increase your hiking joy and success rate. And let me know if you notice a difference.

 

Until next week,

Buen Camino!

(And happy zigzagging!)

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photo by Raphael Biscaldi on unsplash.com

The Social, Psychological, and Neural Effects of Gratitude

Roman statesman, orator and writer, Marcus Tullius Cicero, is credited with saying,

 

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of all virtues, but is the parent of all others.”

 

I think Cicero’s point was that gratitude is the source and motivator behind all other virtues. They are driven and fortified by gratitude.

And if that’s the case, then gratitude must be a good parent indeed. Why would I say that?

Because research is showing that gratitude has beneficial results.

 

Some of gratitude’s effects—

Grateful people are more satisfied with their lives.

Grateful people are happier.

Gratitude is the social glue that nurtures new friendship formation and enriches existing relationships.

Some scientists even believe gratitude supports and strengthens the very foundation of a successful society.

 

Scientific fields studying gratitude—

While the study and science of gratitude is a relatively new field, the following disciplines are beginning to seriously study it:

  • psychology
  • neuroscience
  • ecology
  • sociology
  • medicine
Defining gratitude—

As we noted last week, when you study something at the scientific level, you first need to have a working definition of the subject being studied.

Religions like Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism all encourage gratitude, and it has been a popular subject in philosophy.

David Hume, a Scottish philosopher during the period of Enlightenment, considered ingratitude the worst crime a human could commit.

Some consider gratitude a prerequisite for a world or social citizen and contributor to be considered good or moral.

 

Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough narrowed gratitude down to two working definitions:

1) Gratitude is recognizing one has obtained a positive outcome; and

2) Gratitude is recognizing that there is an external source for this positive outcome.

 

The addition of the second definition is important because it includes the fact that people can direct their gratitude toward outside influences, like God, fate, nature, etc.

 

Exploring some of the research evidence—

There is evidence that gratitude can be thought of asn an emotional experience with three hierarchical levels of an:

Affective trait—defined by psychologist Erika Rosenberg as “stable predisposition toward certain types of emotional responding.”

Mood—a disposition that can fluctuate with moments and days

Emotion—a short-term reaction to a particular event

And in theory, the trait can affect a mood and then an emotion. The reverse can also be true, with an emotion affecting a mood and trait. And all three experiences can interact and play off of one another.

And gratefulness can increase your level of gratefulness. It tends to feed on itself and produce more.

 

But do a motive and self-focus check—

Interestingly enough, if a person does not think a benefactor is really being benevolent in heart with their actions (their motives are suspect), then the gratitude quotient of the receiver drops.

And more self-focused people tend toward feelings of indebtedness (obligation and repayment guilt) and decreased gratitude.

 

The striving-for-excellence factor—

Researchers Sara Algoe and Jonathan Haidt found evidence suggesting that:

“[gratitude] elevation (a response to moral excellence) motivates pro-social and affiliative behavior, gratitude motivates improved relationships with benefactors, and admiration motivates self-improvement” (2009).

 

So there you have the interplay of response, affiliating with others, improved relationships, and admiration’s effect on self-improvement. With that in mind, it makes sense that a special mentor who motivates you to moral excellence, pro-social and affiliating relationships and good behavior result in a closer relationship between you and the benefactor/mentor. And that admiration for your mentor motivates you to improve yourself.

The mentoring factor—

That finding reinforces just how important it is for young people and new employees to have mentors, encouragers that motivate them to strive for the best, and to demonstrate gratitude and moral excellence. To know they have someone who cares about them, sees their potential (which we are all born with), and helps us in a positive way to achieve it.

 

Gratitude and appreciation. Is there a difference?

Another study listed gratitude as one of eight facets of appreciation, which was defined as “acknowledging the value of meaning of something.” But there continues to be a debate among scientists as to whether or not there is a true scientific distinction between gratitude and appreciation.

 

Gratitude scales—

Scientists have formulated different gratitude scales.

GAC—Gratitude Adjective Checklist, which includes thinking of gratitude in terms of different adjectives you might apply to varying life events:

1) Grateful

2) Thankful

3) Appreciative

 

GRAT—Gratitude Resentment and Appreciation Test that measures:

1) Your lack of sense of deprivation (or, in reverse, your sense or perception of abundance)

2) Your appreciation for Simple pleasures

3) Your social appreciation

TGS—The Transpersonal Gratitude Scale that has a 16-item gratitude scale; and

 

Expression of Gratitude in Relationships Measurement

 

Gratitude and the Brain—

Scientists have used MRIs to measure brain activity and specific types of brain matter. Their findings “suggest that gratitude involving assessing the moral intentions and actions of others is inherently social (or ‘other praising’), and likely provides a sense or feeling of reward too, especially in more grateful people.”

This finding indicates gratitude can be self-perpetuating.

 

Grateful people may also possess more neural hallmarks of altruism.

Behaviors like keeping a gratefulness journal or simply writing gratitude letters have long lasting, positive effects. Evidently practicing gratitude changes the brain in a way that orients people to feel more rewarded when the person they’re showing gratitude toward is benefiting.

And the great news?

The positive effects were still detected months after the journaling or writing!

Who knew that those thank you letters your mom made you write when you were a kid were good for you, not just the receiver!

Unfortunately, thank you letter writing seems to a rapidly diminishing art among the millennial and younger crowds, which may explain their tendency toward demonstrating more cynicism and ungratefulness.

 

And what about hormones?

Yet another study found that oxytocin—a hormone connected with social bonding—may also be involved in the production of grateful feelings.

 

Putting it all into practice—

Several months ago I bought myself a journal I wanted to dedicate solely to gratitude—writing down daily those things or events of the day that made me grateful.

Unfortunately, and fortunately, my first attempts resulted in my filling up so many lines in the journal and taking so much time that I abandoned the effort. But I’m starting it up again and trying to limit myself to three items or events per day. The top three, even though there may be so many more things I could add.

And Chris and I always make it a point of starting our evening prayers with gratitude for events of the day or the last several days, especially if it could be labeled a BIG thank you. As I write this post, it would be the blessing of getting to have brunch with my younger son who was down from Phoenix over the weekend; and for my older son finishing his first PhD thesis draft and turning it in last Saturday morning at 5:00 AM! Other events I could add to those two would be the wonderful weekend Chris and I enjoyed together, especially fixing my canoe and taking it 70 miles south to Lake Patagonia to paddle around, watching the blue herons, loons and ducks navigate the water and wetland area. Even laughing at a few stubborn cows that had infiltrated a campsite and appeared to have no intention of vacating it.

We also make a point of thanking one another for small and big things they have done to help us out or make our lives easier or more enjoyable. Things we appreciate the other person for.

 

Your turn—

Who could you call this week to thank for something they did for you, or to thank for what they have meant to you—as a mentor, provider, instructor or friend? Make a list and then give at least one person a call.

Or write that person a heartfelt thank you.

Do you have a parent you could thank?

One year Chris called his stepfather, with whom he never had the closest or best relationship, to thank him for teaching him manual skills like basic construction, car maintenance, removing and installing toilets, repairing household items and doing basic electrical wiring, installing hot water heaters and knowing vital handyman skills. His stepfather was overwhelmed and thrilled, to the point that for the first time in Chris’s 50-some years, he told Chris he loved him.

That one act has done much to repair and restore the relationship.

 

Spend some time thinking and praying about who you could thank, who you could surprise with a thank you note, call or special little gift that says you are thinking about them and they are special to you.

 

Be generous.

 

As the research shows, (and the Bible has told us for thousands of years), it is definitely in giving that you receive!

 

Improve your happiness quotient this week. Show gratitude!

 

See you back here next week as we look more at gratitude.

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photo by rawpixel on unsplash.com

The Blessings and Lessons in the Repetitive and Mundane

The afternoon and evening routine continued nearly everyday. And we grew to appreciate it.

Just as the repetition of the morning preparation to hit the road and walk for four, five or six hours prepared us for the day, the evening repetition helped us recover from the hiking and rejuvenate for the next day. The line-up almost sounds like a reverse of the morning preparation I explained last Friday.

 

Afternoon and evening rituals—

  1. Arrive at the city you’ve decided to walk to and locate the albergue, pension, hostel or hotel you plan to stay in, or have made reservations with.
  2. Check in, show them your pilgrim credentials for the official stamp, show them your U.S. passport for identification, pay and locate your room and bed.
  3. Be given the ten-minute spiel about requirements at this particular location: where to deposit your dusty shoes, do and hang your laundry, location for dinner and/or breakfast if they provide it and you’ve paid for it.
  4. Peel off your dripping clothes, take a much-needed shower, change into clean, dry clothes and put on compression socks and sandals. Make sure you check your feet and toes for blisters and attend to anything that looks as though it may become a problem. Trim nails, sand down encroaching calluses, etc.
  5. Wash and dry, or hang, your clothes to dry.
  6. Lie down and put your legs up for a while to reduce the swelling and give them a break. See if you can get a leg massage from your beloved hiking partner! Grab a snack if you want, and since it’s likely to be another four to five hours before dinner. Take this time to journal the day’s events and impressions. A nap was another enjoyable event.
  7. Decide what local churches or sites you want to visit and pad around for a couple of hours as pilgrim-tourists.
  8. Show up on time at the place where the local peregrino dinner is served, meet other pilgrims, and enjoy a lengthy fresh and delicious (no preservative, often fresh out of the garden) meal. Three courses for one low price, of course!
  9. Return to your room and prepare for bed: brush teeth, put on your sleeping attire, make sure you’ve got what you for the next day laid out under your bed or on a table and have packed what you don’t think you’ll be using. If your joints and legs are aching, take an anti-inflammatory or rub a topical anti-inflammatory on them.
  10. Lock all valuables in the available locker.
  11. Lay out your silk sleeping bag and/or sleeping bag liner and any provided blanket, turn out the lights and say your prayers. (Lights out was always by 10:00 PM. Alburgue requirement.

 

Unexpected benefits—

You’d think this would get old. It didn’t. While we didn’t necessarily develop a relish for living like vagabonds out of our backpacks or sleeping in a different bed every night, the mundane routine provided us with an extraordinary benefit we hadn’t expected.

 

It cleared our brain for experiencing and focusing on impactful places, events and people.

 

Our brains were stimulated by the changing terrain and weather, the different languages we heard spoken as we walked, the people we met, the interesting conversations we shared with them and one another, each new church we toured and sat in daily to breathe in history, faith-through-the ages, and God’s spirit.

And it only took two days of hiking for my brain to release the unimportant baggage and celebrate its liberation.

 

How my normally busy brain responded—

Sitting in the 13thcentury church in Roncesvalles, listening to the Gregorian chants drifting through the nave, I suddenly realized just how relaxed I was. I wasn’t daydreaming. I didn’t have to wrest my thoughts from a lengthy to-do list, other places I should be. No guilt tormented me for not partaking in some other activity that might seem more important, might make someone else happy, might give a leg-up and edge in life.

Instead, I sat and inhaled deeply of the dampness. The dim light enhanced the relaxed state of my body and mind. But the realization that I could—and was—experiencing such peace ignited a spark of joy in my soul.

 

And more—

Several days later another revelation hit me: I could remember everything I had eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and remembered what I had done, where I had stayed, the names of the pilgrims I had met and talked with, all the details of every day of my pilgrim journey without having to wade through brain file cabinet of incidental distractions and information. And I was stricken with a bout of giddiness.

 

It wasn’t my age or health causing me to have foggy-brain forgetfulness. It was my lifestyle bogging down my brain. My lifestyle that caused me to live my life in a fog.

 

It was then that I vowed to never return to the same-old, same-old when I returned home, no matter how hard life and the world tried to shove me back on that overloaded path.

 

As we did on the Camino, I vowed to chew on life slowly, savior it like the delicacy that it is.

 

Keeping it going—

I know it will sometimes be a fight, and that I’ll often have to take a stand. But how could I knowingly and willingly re-cloak myself in harriedness when I had gone through such pains to cast it off?

Certainly there will be stressful moments in my life. That’s unavoidable. But when the stress comes now, which it will without warning, I am more likely to withstand it, analyze it appropriately and take effective steps to diffuse or deal with it. I am not so overwhelmed with life and its events that I am paralyzed by indecision or lack of direction.

Now I can understand why so many want to return to the Camino—The Way—over and over again. Five, six or more trips. Some return to recover what they lost. Others return in an attempt to attain what they never found. Still others repeat the walk to keep the change going, like a refresher course to keep your daily life responses on par with what you learned the first time, the way you want it to always be.

 

The future—

For us, we can’t wait to return to finish what we started, to keep the feelings and experiences going. To instill and deepen the lessons learned.

People said it would be life changing. I didn’t doubt them for a second.

Now I know just how life changing it can be.

 

Several Fridays ago I promised to give you some concrete ways I’m making sure we’re staying on track with the new normal. We’ll cover that next week.

Until then, take some time to just sit still this weekend, shut out the concerns and pressures and take in the simple pleasures of your surroundings. Don’t think about or worry about where you’re not; focus on where you are.

Blessings,

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).