Category: Great Thinkers

How to Build Friendships: Taking the Whole Person Into Account

In this over-saturated, social media-driven world, we are finding ourselves lost, lonely, depressed and needing to return to the basics of life. (Anyone remember the song with that title by 4Him? I’ll supply the link at the end of this post.)

 

Building friendships and having a rich life—

Last month we started a series on developing and building friendships, something all of us need. Even the most righteous and Spirit-filled believer needs someone with skin on her. Even our Lord had His special twelve, and his intimate three. Why would we think we could go it alone?

 

First things first—

When you’re looking to make new friendships, deepen old ones, or considering whether or not a friendship has run its course (yes, that does happen), the first thing you can examine is you.

 

Take your whole person into account.

 

You’ll want to take a deep, introspective look at the five components of you, as a human being. Those components are:

  • Physical
  • Intellectual
  • Emotional
  • Social
  • Spiritual

These five components are needs you have. Needs that—when addressed and enriched—can provide you with a healthy, well-balanced and happy life.

To get started, you might ask yourself the following questions?

  1. What is my current physical (health) state, and what do I need to do to improve or maintain it? What kind of physical activities do I enjoy and does my body respond positively to? What physical activities enhance my other needs?
  2. How can I stimulate my intellectual side and keep my brain and cognitive functions active and as young as possible? (Physical activity is important for this too.) Would I like to learn a new language? Learn to play a musical instrument? Take a gourmet cooking class? An art class?
  3. Would I make new friends and receive more social stimulation if I join a fitness class or a local hiking or cycling group? Would museum memberships or outings stimulate my brain? What about book clubs, or newcomers club if I’ve recently moved to a new area?
  4. Is there a fellowship or Bible study group I could join that would enrich me in multiple areas—intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual? A volunteer position?
  5. Is there something you and a current friend can do together? A friend of mine has a weekly, standing lunch date with another friend of hers. Sometimes they sit for hours and chat while eating. Gathering around a meal is one of the best ways to learn about one another and deepen friendships.

 

This same friend and I had a marvelous day at the zoo on the first day of spring this year. I’d been lamenting the fact that my boys were grown and gone, and we would no longer celebrate the first day of spring together with a “spring fling” day, when I’d give them the day off from home schooling, and we’d hit the zoo and swings at a local park.

But while languishing in my self-pity, the Lord reminded me that I wasn’t dead yet and that I could still celebrate spring fling day with a friend. We had a glorious time together, and ALL of the animals (except the rhino) were out on full, happy display for us on the gorgeous first day of spring. It was truly a day made in heaven! I even took pictures and texted them to the boys. “You’re at the ZOO!” came the return texts. Sharing the day with them that way resurrected some sweet memories for them. And I made a precious new one with a special friend!

It was a stimulating day physically, (3 weeks post-surgery, I hobbled around in a knee brace), emotionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually.

A win-win all around!

 

Your turn—

Spend some time this week meditating on which areas/needs you’re not meeting and jotting down some ideas that could get you going in meeting them. Really take your whole person into account.

And here’s that YouTube video of the song—

 

 

 

Next week we’ll talk about getting out there and finding places to gather.

 

Blessings,

Andrea

Perhaps Today! Actively (and Expectantly) Awaiting Jesus’ Return

I’m a mug junkie. I have mugs overflowing around our house. Mugs in the cupboards. Mugs on a special shelf in our solarium-breakfast room. I even had my husband add another shelf to one of our kitchen cabinets to accommodate all of them. The cabinet right above the coffee maker. The cabinet stuffed with mugs, tea, and coffee-making supplies. It’s gotten to be a family joke.

I don’t remember when I started “collecting” them. I had a few mugs scattered around, special ones I’d picked up at seminars, (with conference logos and company promo material), national park mugs, and mugs from Hawaii with our Anglicized-Hawaiian names on them. But when I gave up collecting vacation-spot T-shirts, I gravitated toward mugs, which are much more difficult to haul home (unbroken) in a suitcase!

Now I have “retired” mugs on display on a special shelf, the ones I don’t want to break or wear down any longer through usage; and the noteworthy cracked ones I can’t bear to part with. And I have several secreted away that no one else is allowed to use but me. The mugs given as extra-special gifts, or the ones that remind me of sweet times Chris and I have spent together at some charming Bed and Breakfast.

But there’s one mug I’ve never used. It’s been prominently displayed on my writing desk for over 25 years. The blue marble-look mug I received after donating to a well-known ministry. The words on it remind me of something I should keep forefront in my mind. Every day. Words especially appropriate for this month when we celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord.

Perhaps Today!

 

Can you guess what those words reference?

They’re a reminder that our Lord will return one day. They’re a hope that perhaps today will be that glorious day—when He’ll return, subdue the earth, vanquish his foes, and lift up and resurrect the faithful.

 

Jesus’ Second Coming—

Of course, not everyone believes He will return. And not everyone harbors the hope within his or her heart that He will. Some are terrified it might be true.

 

I thought about my “Perhaps Today!” mug when reading a chapter from Max Lucado’s book And the Angels Were Silent: The Final Week of Jesus. Reading that book has been my Lenten practice nearly every year the last 23 years.

The particular chapter that brought the mug to mind is titled “Be Ready.” The verse associated with the chapter is Matthew 24:42:

 

“So always be ready, because you don’t know the day your Lord will come.”

 

It’s a winsome (and stark) reminder that being ready for His return is a way of life. A critical one.

Jesus’ Last Sermon on Earth—

In his book, Lucado examines what Jesus says and does (and doesn’t say and do) the last week of His earthly life. It’s a lesson—when time and distractions are stripped away—on what’s important. This particular chapter looks at the topic of Jesus’ last sermon.

What would you think a last-sermon topic would be? Like Lucado, we’d probably preach on love, or family, or church attendance, ministry support. Spreading the Gospel. Doing good and being good. Marching for some social justice issue.

But Jesus focuses on something He evidently believes is far more important.

He focuses on being prepared.

Or, as Lucado bluntly puts it:

 

“He preached on being ready for heaven and staying out of hell.”

 

Hell. Now there’s a word many recoil at. “Does anyone believe in hell anymore?” you might ask.

Jesus is a firm believer in it. If you haven’t tallied up the numbers, He talked about hell and money more than anything else while He was on earth.

But it’s become a passé or quaint subject. An idea reserved for the undereducated or simple-minded. As Lucado points out:

 

“We don’t like to talk about hell, do we? In intellectual circles the topic of hell is regarded as primitive and foolish. It’s not logical. ‘A loving God wouldn’t send people to hell.’ So we dismiss it.

But to dismiss it is to dismiss a core teaching of Jesus. The doctrine of hell is not one developed by Paul, Peter, or John. It is taught by Jesus himself.

And to dismiss it is to dismiss much more. It is to dismiss the presence of a loving God and the privilege of a free choice.”

 

And that’s the point: we all have a free choice. To choose heaven or hell. And God will honor what we choose.

 

Where will you choose to spend eternity?

God talks a lot about what we’ll gain by going to heaven, how we can get there, and what consequences we face if we choose poorly.

And that leaves me with one more point Lucado made. An ironclad argument against this idea that there is a heaven but no opposite place—hell—in existence.

 

“To reject the dualistic outcome of history and say there is no hell leaves gaping holes in any banner of a just God. To say there is not hell is to say God condones the rebellious, unrepentant heart. To say there is no hell is to portray God will eyes blind to the hunger and evil in the world. To say there is no hell is to say that God doesn’t care that people are beaten and massacred, that he doesn’t care that women are raped or families wrecked. To say there is no hell is to say God has no justice, no sense of right and wrong, and eventually to say God has no love. For true love hates evil.

Hell is the ultimate expression of a just Creator.”

 

I’ll add one more thought: If there is no hell, why would Jesus have to endure humiliation, abandonment, torture, and a cruel Roman cross to provide a way for us to enter and enjoy heaven? Was that all just one big wasted event?

Surprisingly, staying out of hell and making the choice for Him and an eternal life in heaven, is the same topic he preached on during His first sermon.

He constantly warned people to be prepared. He focused on the subject the last week of His life, three short days before His death.

 

And I believe it’s a subject we need to return to today. Not by standing on street corners with signs, pointing angry fingers at people and shouting at them through angry, twisted lips and with blazing eyes that they’re headed for doom.

I think it’s something we need to continue talking about in a loving, firm way. With hearts of concern for the rejecters or uncommitted. As I’ve heard pastors say, “If you saw someone in a burning building, wouldn’t you try to do everything you could to save them? Or would you just walk by and say, ‘Oh well?'”

 

I know many think we believers-in-hell are feeble-minded, duped, or downright nuts. But that’s okay with me. I’d rather it weren’t true; I’d like to believe that God just says, “Okay. I’m going to let everyone into heaven, even if they’ve rejected me. Or just annihilate them so they’ll never know what they’re missing. That’s a belief to which many faithful are now subscribing. It just sounds nicer.

But I can’t have it my way. I don’t make the rules. God does. And I don’t think He would have spent so much time warning against it if it were just some big cosmic joke. A “just kidding” discussion.

 

What to do while we’re waiting—

Does looking forward to His second coming mean I do nothing but twiddle my thumbs until it happens? Many people that laugh at us, thinking that’s what we’re do.

But when I think “Perhaps Today!” my looking forward to it in anticipation should drive me closer to preparation, being found busy and active, as Jesus instructs us to be. Doing His work down here, like a faithful ambassador, until He returns.

So, along with the “Perhaps Today” thought, I try to start every day with a Jewish adage I learned some years ago: “Rise up like a lion in the service of the Lord.”

You never know when or at what hour you might be called. You might as well be busy during the waiting and anticipation process.

And then it will be too late.

 

May God grant you a happy, expectant “Perhaps Today!” heart as you prepare for the commemoration of His final week, crucifixion and glorious Resurrection, and live every day of your life until He returns!

 

Until next time,

Shalom!

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Know When God is Speaking to You

This past Monday I spent a long time with God, seeking His will, looking for some much-needed encouragement and affirmation, and just abiding joyfully in His presence.

I was celebrating another revolution around the sun, and I wanted to spend the day alone, taking stock of my last year (which was a big one) and peeking (just a little) into the next.

I know a lot of respected Bible teachers believe God has already spoken to us through His word, and that’s it, but I’ve been conversing with Him enough for the last fifty years to know He still—through His Holy Spirit—brings us comfort, direction, dreams and “voices.” All you have to do is read the conversion reports flooding in from around the world.

Maybe some of us aren’t hearing God’s voice because we’re too distracted, we’re not listening for it, aren’t attuned to or sensitive to it, and we really don’t think He’s going to speak to us anyway.

But just exactly how do you know it’s God talking back to you when He does talk?

 

It’s probably one of the biggest and most frequent questions Christians ask: “How do I know it’s God?”

 

Getting some answers—

Guideposts addressed this question in their October/November issue of their Mysterious Ways magazine. They sought answers to “The Big Question: How do you know it’s God?” The answers were compiled by Associate Editor Hilary Ribons. Here’s what she gathered through her research.

 

“It is normal and wise to contemplate if a dream or an impression you’ve gotten in prayer is really from God. Merely ask yourself two questions: 1) Does it line up with God’s Word? If no, the message is not from God because he will never contradict himself. And 2) what feeling does it leave me with? If it is fear, it is not from God. His Word says he has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love.”

—Laura Harris Smith, Pastor and author of Seeing the Voice of God: What God is Telling You Through Dreams and Visions

 

“When people have dreams or visions from God, they’re unmistakable. I don’t think there’s a word in our vocabulary that can describe the feeling of peace and the all-consuming love that visions from God give us. The message will be immediately clear and personally meaningful. There’s nothing ordinary about them. It will be so impactful that it will awaken something inside of you.”

—Katherine “Kate” Hyland, author of 23 Years, 23 Minutes, 13 Angels

 

“The best way to confirm whether you’ve heard the voice of God is to compare it to the Word of God. If what you hard is echoed in the Bible, it’s likely the voice of God. It it’s not in his Word, it’s not his voice.”

—David R. Smith, Pastor and author of Christianity…It’s Like This

  

“We know it’s God because his guidance does not originate with our will or desire. God gives us other options that aren’t in our normal agenda. As we learn ourselves, and who we are, we also learn who we’re not. So when God’s voice comes through our thoughts, we can recognize it.”

—Shawn Bolz, author of Translating God

 

“In the New Testament, whenever God speaks, he confirms it through other people. That’s how we too know we’ve heard—when the Holy Spirit speaks to someone else at the same time. God’s way of confirming is through the safety of multiple witnesses in the community.”

—Tanis Harris, author of God Conversations

 

Spending a lot of time in God’s word reveals a lot to you too, at times when you’re ready to hear what He’s said in that Word and what He’s saying to you right here and right now.

 

My Monday time with Him more than served its intended purpose. Through His word, another believer, and an otherworldly sense of peace and joy, I was lifted up and am better able to face this next year. To move forward in faith, with complete trust in God.

 

Join me on Monday, March 4, when I reveal a little of what I learned. I know many of you will find His revelation to me helpful too!

If you’re reading this early Friday, March 1 morning, I’d appreciate a little prayer for the surgery I’m undergoing to repair a torn meniscus in my right knee and clean up some arthritis I have under my kneecap and on my femur. Thanks

If you’re interested in reading more quotes answering how you know it’s God speaking to you, head over to Guideposts.org/HowDoYouKnow.

 

Until next month, keep searching for His still small voice. The One C.S. Lewis referred to as “the hound of heaven.”

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

How to Change Your Defects: Renewing Your Mind and Retraining Your Brain

Are you ready to tackle the process of ridding yourself of pesky defects?

If you read last Monday’s post, you saw the series of questions I asked to focus for this week.

How did you do answering last week’s questions?

Were you able to:

  • Focus on your feelings, how you react emotionally to triggers or life events?
  • Make literal or mental notes on your typical behavior—your autopilot fallback response to feelings and triggers?
  • Identify whether your natural reaction is to yell, get angry, withdraw, self-harm, eat, avoid, give in, shame or shun?

 

As you can see from the list, our thoughts often determine our feelings and feelings determine our actions.

 

Training your brain to develop healthful habits—

I’m reading a great professional manual right now that delves into the reaction-changing process. It’s called Training Your Brain to Adopt Healthful Habits: Mastering the Five Brain Challenges. * Not only does it address habit changing, it addresses problems like addictions, eating disorders, and behavioral responses.

The sections have titles like:

“Learning to Highly Value Behaviors that Promote Wellness and Devalue Behaviors that Lead to Poor Health”

“Enriching Your Life to Tame the Need for Immediate Gratification”

“Enhancing Resiliency to New Threats and Chronic Stressors”

“Training Your Addiction Circuits to Make Healthy Behaviors Habitual”

“Making Flexible Decisions to Empower Your Brain to Make Healthful Choices”

 

If I were to give you a one-sentence overview of the book, I would say,

It’s all about being transformed by the renewing of your mind, so you do not let the world, or individuals, conform you. And it’s a secular book.

The Apostle Paul had it right when he said in Romans 12:2 that making your life the best life it can be—physically, emotionally and spiritually—starts with the renewing of your mind. Research supports his claims.

So what practical steps can we take to make that happen?

 

Think about a defect you have that’s causing you—and your life—trouble. You might want to start with something simple, so you can get some traction and success. That would give you the encouragement and momentum to move onto something more difficult.

But if it’s a serious addiction you need to confront, you would want to start there.

 

Steps to destroying your defects—

We’ll explore three of the six steps today.

 

  1. Focus on one defect at a time!

So many of us run around in a whirlwind, multitasking even our “must improve in this area” behavior. That’s a recipe for disaster. A behavior we might do to sabotage ourselves into failure. Change is hard work. It takes time and focus. Repetition. Our brains aren’t happy when we’re multitasking; and none of us—regardless of what someone brags about—do it well.

Focus, focus, focus. Like a laser beam. On one defect at a time. And make sure that defect is put out of business before moving on to another one.

 

  1. Focus on one defect change and one victory one day at a time!

Moment-by-moment, all of us need to take very thought—and behavior—captive to Christ, the One who created us and knows us intimately. Who better to go to for guidance and help than the One who created you?

This is where the concept of praying without ceasing also comes in, because when we’re hurting or struggling or sputtering along in life, sometimes it feels as though we’re weighed down by every—single—moment—of—every—day.

When life seems to be going well, we tend to slack off on the pray without ceasing admonition. We stand on the mountaintop, euphoric over what we’ve accomplished and conquered. Unfortunately, the descent into another valley can come fast and furiously. And then we wonder what happened, and we’re right back down in the dregs of life, clutching and clawing and moaning and groaning. Writhing around in our failures and pain.

Thankfully, God’s mercies are new every morning! So we can awaken each new day with the knowledge that we can re-boot. Focus, focus, focus and practice, practice, practice!

He won’t abandon us if we fall flat in our efforts; He knows our weaknesses, and He’s always available to give us the power and strength we need to succeed. To cover and protect us if we need rest.

But in order for that to happen, first we need to:

 

  1. Focus on God’s power, not your own willpower to make those life corrections.

Certainly we can struggle and fight and wrestle with ourselves, but until we acknowledge that we can do nothing without Jesus, our efforts will usually be ineffective and short-lived.

This is the most fundamental and important step to take to enjoy lasting change and victory.

 

But what about them?

But what about other people that trigger poor responses and behavior from you, the ones you think need fixing?

You still need to concentrate on how you behavior in response to their behavior. And sometimes that means stepping away from a certain person or group that weakens your defenses and pushes your buttons.

Setting boundaries with others can be an important part of changing your defective behaviors and responses. Protecting your heart while you’re learning new coping and life skills. Like an alcoholic that needs to stop meeting drinking buddies at the local watering hole on a Friday night; or an alcoholic who needs to get new friends altogether, which is the usual scenario.

That’s not an easy or comfortable proposition, but it’s one you may have to take if you are to enjoy victory.

NEXT WEEK we’ll look at three additional steps to help you succeed in demolishing strongholds and self-defects.

Until then, focus on one defect, focus on one victory, and focus on God’s power—the ingredient that will make all of this happen for you!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

* Authors:

  • Jodie A Trafton, Ph.D.
  • William P. Gordon, Ph.D.
  • Supriya Misra, M.A.

How to Change Your Defects: Part 1

If you’re a Jesus-follower, you know God is in the defect-correcting business. At least you know it intellectually. Enjoying that experience is often elusive, though, because we aren’t always interested—or determined enough—to cooperate with God in His change process.

Or really believe and grab hold of His promise that He can do it.

 

What does God have to say about defect changing?

One of the most well known Scripture passages that addresses this issue is Romans 12:1-2.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (NIV).

 

I love the way Eugene Peterson said it in The Message:

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you. Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

 

Let’s turn these passages into defect-changing bullet points.

  • God is merciful.
  • Our bodies are important to Him.
  • Offering our bodies (that includes our mind) to Him is an act of worship.
  • Thoughts determine our feelings, and feelings often determine our actions.
  • We get ourselves into trouble when we allow the world to conform and mold us.
  • Our mind is the problem—if we want change, we need to start there. We often forget that our mind is a part of our body.
  • In order to change, our mind needs renewing.
  • In order for us to know God’s will for our lives, we must have renewed minds. No way around it.

 

Changing your defects sounds so basic, but it’s so difficult. Why?

The world and its forces are powerful. They don’t take kindly to people that push back against the status quo or current thought wave. We war against the principalities of darkness.

And we war against ourselves, our old, defect-laden nature. It’s hard to fight against yourself. It’s always much easier to give in, at least initially. Then it becomes something like feeding and satisfying the beast, and we find ourselves venturing down a road of darkness and perpetual frustration, anger, and sadness.

 

NEXT WEEK, we’re going to delve into the processes we need to go through to rid ourselves of those defects and effectively change. But for this week, I invite you to prepare.

 

Focus on your feelings, how you react emotionally to triggers or life events.

And then note your behavior. What is your autopilot fallback response to those feelings?

Is it anger, yelling, withdrawal, self-harm, eating, avoidance, giving in, shaming or shunning someone?

 

Behavioral psychologists often recommend that you write these feelings and responses down, so you get a better handle on what causes or triggers you to behave the way you do. It’s like writing down an, if this (happens), then that (happens) chart. I suspect you’ll find it eye-opening.

Then we’ll come back together next week to focus on the steps we need to take to change our defective behaviors, one defect at a time!

Until then, do some mind and feeling exploration. No blaming; just noting.

And remember, God is merciful!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien