Tag: Health

When Positivity Harms Mental and Physical Health

The world has been focusing on positivity a long time, and there’s abundant research proving its benefits. But is it possible there’s a dark side to all that positivity?

Evidently the answer is “yes,” and it’s been given a name—toxic positivity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Definition of Toxic Positivity—

While there are different definitions (I provided one from What’s Your Grief? in my last two blog posts), today I’ll give you the definition I found on thepsychologygroup.com website.

 

“The overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.”

 

As they point out, when anything is carried to the extreme, a problem emerges. In this case, the problem occurs when forcing positive “vibes” and positive thinking and focusing only on positive platitudes can cause you to silence, cover up or deny human emotion and experience. Yours, or someone else’s.

It becomes detrimental and unhealthy—physically, emotionally and spiritually.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What does toxic positivity look like?

How do you know if you’re forcing yourself to be positive or trying to push someone else this direction?

Here are some clues and red flags:

  • When you try to hide or mask your true feelings.
  • When you don’t allow someone else to express her true feelings.
  • When you try to convince yourself that you just need to push ahead and get on with life; when you stuff or dismiss an emotion.
  • When you tease, ridicule, or dismiss someone else’s emotion.
  • You force-feed yourself positive statements to cover your emotions, which are likely the opposite of the positive statements.
  • You force-feed others positive statements, to get them to “cheer up,” when the circumstances don’t warrant cheering.
  • Trying too hard to change your perspective on an event that has hurt you.
  • Trying to change someone else’s perspective on an event, especially when they have not asked for your perspective.
  • Internally shaming yourself for feeling a certain way.
  • Shaming others for their feelings, either by verbal digs, dismissive words, or negative body language. (Some would now label that behavior as “micro-aggression.”)
  • Trying to brush off events and feelings that bother you or others with statements like “It is what it is,” or “It could be worse,” or “Look at the bright side.”

 

Certainly there are times when events cause jarring or overwhelming emotions that, if we latch onto them too hard and for too long, can cause physical, emotional and spiritual problems. But that’s not what I’m addressing here.

I’m focusing on those hasty comments made without really listening to yourself or others and trying to identify the emotion and figure out where it’s coming from. What the source is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Toxic Positivity is Bad for Your Health—

Just was gratefulness and a positive life outlook can be beneficial to your health, swinging the pendulum too far that direction can have negative health consequences.

When you force a positive outlook on pain—the kind of pain that affects you physically, emotionally and spiritually—you’re telling yourself or others to keep silent about your, or their struggles. Sadly, this is often a problem among believers.

When you shut someone down from expressing their heart, you cast a shadow of shame on them. And that forces them to retreat into silence and secrecy, and possibly self-judgment and self-condemnation. They feel condemned by your response. And that often leads to a breakdown in physical, emotional and spiritual health.

They end up internalizing that pain along with the judgment. And that’s a recipe for potential health disaster.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some dangers of hiding emotions—

Hiding and internalizing emotions or dismissing feelings and lead to a host of problems, like:

  • Increased body stress and inflammation
  • Increased difficulty avoiding stressful thoughts
  • Increased psychological arousal
  • Increased depression
  • Increased anxiety and obsessive behaviors
  • Fear
  • Physical illness and disease, like cancers, PTSD, etc.
  • Increased self-isolation and avoidance
  • Shutting down
  • Stress of keeping up a fake persona
  • Loss of connection to others, and to ourselves
  • Emotional and physical burnout
  • Damage to the human spirit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What helps relieve emotional stress?

One study conducted by researchers found that when people were allowed and encouraged to express themselves through emotional and whole body responses—like facial expressions, crying, and verbal responses—they were able to relieve the internal stress they were experiencing.

The group not allowed to be free with their expressions had higher levels of internal physiological response. Meaning? What these people weren’t allowed to “get out” made them erupt on the inside.

That may be one of the reasons that people living with volatile individuals who are verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive have a reduced life span. They’re more prone to heart problems and other physically debilitating diseases. Scientists believe it may be the hormone cortisol that’s responsible for the health breakdown. A little of it’s good. Too much of it is damaging.

Much more recent studies indicate that people’s responses to others’ emotions make our own emotional response even more complicated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is shame ever good?

The question always comes up: Is shame ever a good thing?

Yes!

Shame can be necessary and productive when you’ve harmed someone emotionally, physically or spiritually. When you know you’ve sinned or done wrong and need to repent for your trespass. When your shame drives you to apologize, so a relationship can be restored.

Remember what the Apostle Paul tells us: it’s okay to get angry, but make sure you don’t sin in the expression of that anger.

Caveat—

 Again, I want to say I am not talking about verbalizing EVERY feeling you experience, like lashing out in anger, having emotional outbursts, making sure everyone you encounter knows exactly how you feel about something. That’s just as unhealthy, usually more so for the recipient of your wrath.

I’m talking about feelings and emotions stemming from grief, trauma, honest disappointment, breaking of trust. Those types of events and triggers.

Wrap-up—

While I encourage everyone to be grateful, positive and hopeful, (more on hopeful in future blog posts), I encourage you to take a step back from that thinking and examine your feelings, and listen to others express theirs before making a judgment call or voicing a quick, positive opinion or offering positive-thinking advice—telling someone how they should think or respond.

That’s the loving thing to do for others, and for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Invitation—
  1. Think back to times when you expressed your feelings to someone and felt those feelings were quickly dismissed or steered another—happier—direction. How did that make you feel?
  2. When your feelings were dismissed, were you able to lovingly tell the offender how their response made them feel, or did you withdraw and then avoid talking about your pain?
  3. Are you still withdrawing, or avoiding that person or avoiding expressing your feelings to them? Did you lose trust in them?
  4. What helps you validate your feelings and express them honestly (not forcefully)?

Next week we’ll be finishing up this series with more examples of toxic statements, taking a mental inventory of whether we’ve been obnoxious offenders in response to someone’s expressions, and look at good, healthful ways to respond to hurtful people. And learn how to validate our own emotions.

Until then, be slow to anger, slow to speak and longsuffering. When you do respond, carefully choose your words.

Blessings,

Andrea

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, jut as your soul prospers.”


Andrea Arthur Owan, M.S., A.T., R., is a health and fitness pro, speaker, award-winning inspirational writer, memoirist, and senior-ordained chaplain (IFOC). She helps people thrive physically, emotionally and spiritually and recover from grief, loss and trauma.

Exercise: Where and How to Start

When you want to get started on an exercise program, how do you know where to start?

That’s the basic question, and most would-be exercisers get it wrong. While they might have a vague idea of where they’d like to end up, they don’t really know how to get there. And sometimes they don’t even know where they want to be. Then they start, stop, start again, get discouraged, and quit.

Today I’ll take you through the general plan you want to use when designing an exercise program. And I’m going to use the most basic of goals and exercises to give you an idea of where to start, where to aim, and how you can modify your program to suit your needs.

 

Determine your goal—

Do the first things first: ask yourself what you want to accomplish. It could be gaining muscle, losing belly fat, or wanting to run or walk a 5K race. Anything. Just make sure you have a good (honest) idea of where you’re starting from. If you’ve never walked or run a 5K, you won’t start your exercise program by charging out on daily 5K walks around your neighborhood. You’ll start with your baseline—the level of fitness you are today, at this time. Not what you wish you were. And then plan your progress from there.

 

Case Study—

I’ll use myself as an example.

It seemed to happen quickly, although it really occurred over the course of six months to a year. I’d been ignoring my exercise program, spending way too much time sitting in a chair in front of my computer writing stories and articles. I’d even given up my nightly calisthenics and walks with my Shetland sheepdog Dolly. (I wish she’d said something to me, although I should have gotten a clue from her plaintive looks.)

Anyway, one day I saw pictures the engineer took of the family, and I nearly gagged. (Actually, I did gag, before I got mad.) There in the picture, staring back at me were my face and chest, but someone else’s arms were attached to my body. Just when did my upper arms go from toned to fat? And when did they acquire that excess skin hanging under them?!

Yee, gads! Without my noticing, my arms had become old and flappy! Clearly I was no longer the toned athlete I once was and still envisioned myself to be. I took a hard look at myself in the bathroom mirror and raised my arm. It waved at me. Ugh! I thought I’d get physically sick in the sink. Instead, I got mad and decided I’d get even. And getting even meant doing some area-specific exercises to get those puppies back in shape!

 

Plan and process—

To get my arms back in shape, I had several options. I could get myself back in the gym and do some arm-specific machine weights or dumbbell lifting. Or I could pick up the dumbbells I have at home more often and use them. Or go back to doing my pushups every night before bed.

I decided on all three, but today I’m just going to show you how I use the pushups to get my arms under control.

Why pushups? Because they’re the easiest, most basic exercise you can do, at home, at your convenience, with no financial expense. And they can be done at pretty much any age, although you might have to modify the position slightly for your age and strength. There’s a reason pushups have been a staple in physical education classes for eons. They work!

 

So how would I start?

First, I wanted to increase my strength a little, so I set out the first night to do one set (yes, just one) of pushups. Because both wrists were damaged during my gymnastics career, I have to do bent knee style pushups. My wrists can’t take a full body load.

Since I was aiming to increase my strength, I did enough pushups to take me to the state of exhaustion, where I couldn’t lower and raise my body. One. More. Time. And that was it. Just one set. To exhaustion. For me, that ended up being around 35 pushups. All-the-way-down and all-the-way-up pushups. Not half-down types, or swayback with tummy touching the ground first technique. Real pushups.

And I tend to slow down when I lower myself to the ground and speed up when I’m returning to the starting position. Why? Because that’s a more optimal way to gain strength and increase muscle size with this particular exercise. It’s called negative (eccentric) loading. But that’s beyond the scope of today’s post. We’ll cover that in a future post.

And then I stand and stretch out my chest and arms. You ALWAYS want to stretch to keep your muscles as healthy and responsive as possible.

The following evening I repeated the pushups, to exhaustion. I ended up making it to the same level, about 35. If I find myself being able to do a lot more, then either something was wrong the night before, or I didn’t really work to exhaustion the first night.

Every night I continue like this. I don’t set a number to achieve, although I do make sure I don’t increase my number more than 10% of the number achieved the night before. (Exercise rule.) If I can do a couple more, I’ll do more. But what usually happens is that it takes at least a week for my body to build up to a comfortable 35, where I notice that it no longer feels like burning, I-just-can’t-pump-out-another-one exhaustion.

After several (3) weeks, I should be up to 40. And I can keep going like this for months, increasing the number of pushups.

 

Modifying your program to meet your needs—

But I have a body issue to consider. My muscle makeup is not average, or normal. I don’t have 50% red, long distance, marathon-type muscles and 50% white, speedy-type muscles. My body is made up mostly of speedy type muscle fibers, which means I can gain muscle strength and size (bulk up) really quickly. And that’s not what my ultimate goal is for my arms.

I want them lean and contoured. Toned. So what now?

I switch my program up. I’ll still use the pushups, but now I’ll perform them a different way.

The first night I’ll do 12 pushups and then rest for 30 seconds. Then I’ll do 12 more pushups and rest for 30 seconds. And I might do them faster, the same speed up as down. I’ll do at least three sets like this, maybe more. A lot more. This way I’m focusing more on tone, the endurance type of muscles that will give my arms a more toned appearance. And in the process, my chest tightens up and lifts those breast muscles so they look a little perkier! Pushups are A+ exercises for chest muscles. (Not a bad payoff!)

That way I can whittle away at the fat, and slim the muscle down to a nice shape. Like a sculptor chiseling away at a hunk of marble or clay.

You can apply this same principle to your legs to strengthen and tone your thighs and outer thighs and calves.

You just need to know what your ultimate goal is and then figure out the steps to get there!

 

NEXT WEEK: We’ll look at walking and how to plan your workout for that activity.

Until then,

Happy pushupping!

Blessings,

 Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photos provided by Google Images

How to Determine Your Target Heart Rate Goal

So now you’ve measured and know your resting heart rate and have an idea on how to determine what your target heart rate should be during exercise. (See my post last week http://andreaarthurowan.com/2018/04/25/the-best-way-to-calculate-your-exercise-training-heart-rate/admin/).

Now what?

 

Setting some goals—

This is the exciting part. Where you decide what your exercise goals are. Spend some time thinking about this one. And consider your age, current physical condition, and what type of exercising you would like to do, and will stick with. Do you want to:

 

  • Lose weight?
  • Put on some muscle and have nicely contoured arms and legs?
  • Tone up what you’ve got?
  • Increase your lung capacity and improve your heart function?
  • Maintain your current level of conditioning?
  • Run a 5K, or triathlon?
  • Increase your reaction time and power or speed?
  • Just get stronger?

 

What fitness goal you choose will determine how you exercise, where you exercise, what you do for exercise, and what exercise heart rate you’ll aim for.

 

Conditioning, toning, power, or aerobic capacity—

As a general rule, for general conditioning goals, you will want to exercise at a heart rate level of 50 to 70%.

As we saw last week, for someone my age (60) and resting heart rate of 58, (don’t forget to use that as your base for proper calculations), I would want to exercise at a level that keeps my heart rate between 109 bpm and 129 bpm.

At the lower rate of 109 or even up to 120, I could maintain a reasonable exercise rate—like walking at a 3.0 mph walking rate—for two to three hours, or longer. As long my knees and feet hold out for me.

If, however, I want to work on power and strength, which I sometimes do, (for toning, muscle definition, and muscle power), I’d want to push my heart rate up to a higher level, say 80 to 90% of my heart rate maximum, again with my resting heart rate as a critical factor in the formula.

When I use the 80 to 90% range, and plug those numbers into the formula we covered last week, we arrive at a target heart rate range of 140 to 150. That’s a rate I wouldn’t be able to sustain for an indefinite period of time, though. In fact, I probably wouldn’t try to sustain it more than 20 minutes, if I were hitting a 140 – 150 bpm rate throughout the entire 20 minutes.

I could, however, go longer, if I were ramping my heart rate up and down as I exercised, as sometimes happens when I’m walking on the treadmill and increasing the ramp angle considerably to mimic hiking uphill and then lowering the ramp angle to a slight or flat grade.

 

 Working up to your target level—

But even if you know what your target level should be, you may need to take it slowly and work up to your desired level. If you haven’t exercised for a while, are recovering from an illness, or you’re changing up your exercise program for some reason—because your goals have changed—you’ll want to work up to a level where your heart rate is being stressed a little but not so much that you have a difficult time breathing, feel weak, or can’t maintain that level of exercise for five to ten minutes. Or, after exercising, your heart rate takes longer than it should to come back to normal.

Again, if you’re just starting an exercise program, make sure your doctor is in agreement with what you want to accomplish and gives you the thumbs up on the program you’ve designed. She can also help you design one!

 

Where do you go from here?

I know all of this probably sounds a little—or a lot—vague, but as we progress, we’ll look at more specific exercise goals and see what a training program might look like for you. If you’re already on an exercise program, you might see some ideas here that will help you improve or stress yourself a bit more.

 

I forgot to provide an answer!

A couple of weeks ago, I asked if you knew which athletes typically have the highest VO2 maximums. I promised to give you the answer the following week—and then forgot! Many apologies for my forgetfulness!

The answer is: Cross-country skiers. They have HUGE lung capacities. One reason is the long distances they ski, but it’s also because they’re using nearly all of their bodies when they’re exercising at those long distances. It’s a grueling sport.

 

 What’s coming up?

NEXT WEEK, “Workout Wednesdays” will be on hiatus. I’m heading to Philadelphia this weekend for an intensive writing/editing workshop with the Guideposts editors and eleven other writers; and my younger son graduates from college the following weekend.

I’m trying to take my own advice and live a balanced life!

So I’ll see you back here May 16!

Until next time, keep working on setting your goals!

Blessings,

 Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Photos courtesy of Google Images

Welcome to Workout Wednesdays!

When you hear the word “workout” what goes through your mind, and body? Excitement? Ambivalence? Dread? Do your hands sweat from excitement, or fear? Are you instantly transported via a PTSD flashback to your ninth grade physical education class where you loathed putting on those classy polyester gym shorts and block-shaped exercise top and got relegated to the worst team in the class because you were a bona fide “klutz” and couldn’t coordinate the timing of basketball dribbling or manage to get your foot to make contact with a slow-moving kickball to save your life?

I won’t tell you I can relate, because I can’t (except for the ugly gym shorts and top). Coordination (to precision) was my forte, and I oozed competitive spirit. I hated being shown up, and I seethed internally if I lost. (Although my hand-eye coordination with a tennis ball and racket was horrible, I was determined to overcome that failure and showed up on the tennis court every day one summer to learn how to play with the guys in doubles.)

And I was strong. Stronger than some of the guys in my class. Even guys who took me on in arm wrestling in college were stunned when I slammed their arms to the tabletop.

But as a coach and physical education teacher, I took a completely different approach.

My greatest desire was to instill in all of my students a love of the complexity of the human body and human movement. I wanted them to appreciate physical health for the sake of being physically healthy, not for the sole purpose of competing or beating someone else. I wanted them to develop a lifelong love of fitness. Not necessarily “exercise” in the traditional term, but general, overall fitness. So instead of grading them on what they could do, (because, frankly, some of them would have failed the class if I had stuck to a traditional can-do grading system), I graded them on how much they improved from the day they walked into my class to the day they exited it for the semester or year. And I also tacked on some brownie points for good behavior and honest participation.

And you know what happened? Some of those kids, who entered my class with their arms clamped across their chests and an I’m-not-going-to-do-anything-you-ask-me-to-do look on their face left the class feeling pretty proud of themselves and their accomplishments. They had fun. They ended up being able to pass a soccer ball to a teammate, which meant they were able to participate in the shear fun of doing that. They had strikes in bowling after weeks of rolling gutter balls. I actually cheered and cried with one of my students who never thought she could accomplish anything remotely related to physical education or movement.

And that’s what we’ll do with our Workout Wednesday time—help you change your outlook on fitness and develop a program that works for you. One you can adjust as you desire or need based on your current fitness level, future (improved) fitness level, age or physical capacity.

 

Not just for the body

Why is exercise important?

I’m sure you know the standard answers: Reduces your risk of heart disease and stroke, cancer, and other major debilitating and death-causing diseases. But do you know what scientists have discovered the most important side effect of exercise is?

            Your brain health and function. Neuroscientists say that when you exercise, so does your brain, and it probably benefits the most from it, by forming new neuron connections. In short, exercise helps keep you young and sharp!

But there are important tips to maximizing this effect. And we’ll cover those.

And we’ll explore connections like:

  • Exercise and sleep
  • Exercise and Mood and Mental Health
  • Exercise and Sex
  • The Importance of Flexibility, Balance and Mobility

 

We’ll also explore nutrition and the latest diet trends and fads. And we’ll learn how to identify food sensitivities and allergies that affect your overall health and mood.

 

Fair Warning!

Let me warn you ahead of time: I’m not a big fan of some of the extreme, “elite fitness” programs, which I won’t name here. I think a lot of you know what they are. And in succeeding posts, I’ll tell you why. I was a highly trained, competitive athlete for YEARS, and I’ve worked collegiate athletes and Olympians, so I know the mindset. I understand the obsession. But you could say I’m a recovered athlete. I’ll explain that in another post too.

But first, we need to get started and prepared for next Wednesday.

 

Getting started

Just as you do for the spiritual component of your life, you need to lay a good foundation for the physical. And that means getting some baseline measurements and assessments recorded. That way you know where you are, better decide where you want to go, and then track how you’re doing getting there. So, before next Wednesday, I invite you to do the following:

 

  • Buy yourself a fitness/workout journal. One of my favorites is BodyMinder: Workout & Fitness Journal. It’s got great grids in it to record cardio and strength workouts and dietary notes. I’ve provided the link for you at the end of this post.
  • Another great journal is the HealthMinder: Personal Wellness Journal. This helps you identify the health of nearly every part of your body. It’s one of the ways I was able to identify some of my food sensitivities. I can’t recommend it highly enough for tracking your overall health!
  • Finally, the DietMinder: Personal Food and Fitness Journal is also great to have handy.

 

Next, you’ll need to learn your:

 

  • Blood Pressure—Before you get out of bed in the morning, record your blood pressure. You can find a good cuff at your local drugstore or online. Wake up, take a few breathes, slap on the cuff and take your blood pressure while you’re still lying down.

 

  • Blood Pressure Again—Then sit up and take it again. Women will likely see a drop in their pressure. Wait another five minutes and take it again. It should have stabilized. Note both of these readings, both the big number (known as systole) and the smaller number (diastole). I’ll explain what each of these mean in the next post.

 

  • Resting Heart Rate—Now, if your blood pressure cuff doesn’t have the capability to measure your resting heart rate along with the BP, then you’ll need to do it manually. You can do that by placing your index and middle fingers on your neck to the side of your windpipe. You can also place these same fingers over the inside of your wrist. DO NOT use your thumb! It has its own pulse and will throw off your count. Now for the proper counting. While many medical office personal will take your pulse for just ten seconds and then multiply it by six for a minute count, I don’t recommend that method since it’s not as accurate as measuring it for a full minute with your fingers.

 

  • Weight—Then, hop out of bed, step on the scale and record your weight. This should be a first thing in the morning weigh-in, after you’ve emptied your bladder. Go ahead and disrobe for this. Record it in your journal with the date.

 

  • Body Measurements—Get out a measuring tape and measure the circumference of your chest, waist and hips. The waits measurement should be around the belly button area, or just slightly below it. Also record the circumference of your thighs and upper arms. You’ll probably need help for the arms.

 

  • Resting Breathing—Next, lie on the floor and breathe normally. Place your hand on your tummy to see if your abdomen moves up and down. Breathe deeply and check it again. Breathe in through your nose AND out through your nose. (I know, breathing out through your mouth was the standard for years.) Do the tummy check with your hand. Is your breathing smooth or jerky? Does your chest, and not your abdomen/tummy rise when you breathe in? We’ll be addressing proper breathing techniques too.

Looking ahead

That will be enough for us to get started next Wednesday. But do think about one more thing.

What kind of exercising do you like to do? What would you be most likely to stick with?

 

Reference/Journal Links:

Here’s the list of links for those journals, but any regular journal will do. These just make it easier to jot numbers down in the right columns and trigger your brain in all areas of fitness.

By the way, I don’t get anything from Amazon or the publishers for recommending these books. I just found them years ago in a Reno, Nevada medical facility I was visiting with my dad. Snatched them up. They’ve been around for 16 years and have great ratings.

BodyMinder workout journal

www.amazon.com/BODYMINDER-Workout-Exercise-Journal-Fitness/dp/0963796844/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522802240&sr=8-1&keywords=bodyminder+workout+and+exercise+journal

HealthMinder Journal

www.amazon.com/HEALTHMINDER-Personal-Wellness-MemoryMinder-Symptoms/dp/0963796879/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0963796879&pd_rd_r=J8BT3Q9KV0VSPJ53WXJH&pd_rd_w=WIgnS&pd_rd_wg=pOM4P&psc=1&refRID=J8BT3Q9KV0VSPJ53WXJH

DietMinder

www.amazon.com/DIETMINDER-Personal-Fitness-Journal-Exercise/dp/0963796836/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0963796836&pd_rd_r=J8BT3Q9KV0VSPJ53WXJH&pd_rd_w=WIgnS&pd_rd_wg=pOM4P&psc=1&refRID=J8BT3Q9KV0VSPJ53WXJH

 

I hope you’ll join me here again Friday for Free-for-All Fridays. We’ll cover a variety of topics, including recreational ideas, current news and recommended articles, stories and books to read having to do with balanced living!

Until then,

Blessings!

Andrea

May you prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

 Photo Courtesy of Andrea A Owan