Physical Health – Andrea Arthur Owan

How to Make the Most Out of Life: Building Friendships

Want to broaden and strengthen your friendships and relationships? It could be one of the most important things you do to make you physically, emotionally and spiritually healthier.

Last month we started a series on developing and building friendships, something all of us need. Even the most righteous and Spirit-filled believer needs someone with skin on her. Even our Lord had His special twelve, and his intimate three. Why would we think we could go it alone?

Last week we looked at taking the first step on that journey: taking your whole person into account. Rather than take a shotgun or dart-throwing approach to friendship building, we need to know ourselves—our strengths, weaknesses, desires and needs—as we embark on friendship finding and building. In a nutshell, we need to discriminate based on that list.

Getting practical and proactive in friendship building—

After you’ve taken your whole person into account and made a thorough personal assessment, you can move forward. Today we’ll look at two suggestions for friendship building.

Get yourself out there!

You won’t make too many friends, or strengthen old friendships, if you don’t get busy and get visible. Some of the best ways are to:

Try something new—a painting or drawing class, taking music lessons, joining an exercise class that gives you the opportunity to interact with others.
Volunteer—join a board that works to achieve something you hold near and dear to your heart. When I volunteered at the local food bank, I had the pleasure of meeting all sorts of interesting people and even having the opportunity to interact with some of them outside of the volunteer setting.
A friend of mine who recently moved to another state got busy joining the local Newcomers Club, a church and one of its small groups, and Bible study. She also has a knack for talking to nearly every new person she meets, so she quickly racked up new friends and opportunities.
Join a hobby group—our younger son, who is 24, recently commented to my husband that he realized the one thing that was missing from his life was a hobby. My husband laughed, probably because he has too many hobbies going. “I really need a hobby,” Cory said. He correctly views a healthy hobby as one that helps him release work stress and engage his mind in different ways than his work does. It’s a win-win physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Find a place to gather with others.

People tend to like having a place to go to meet others, and it needs to be a comfortable place. Your local Mexican restaurant is likely not it. Why? That type of environment is too noisy and too busy to be able to focus on others and share your heart. Some places that make gathering locales are:

Library activity rooms—a writers group I belong to meets every Friday in a nearby library. It has been a fabulous place to meet others and make some new friends.
Quiet coffee shops
Parks
Community Centers
Meet-up Groups
Church rooms available for meetings
House rotation—have others over for tea, lunch or dinner and then ask others to host at their homes, if they are able. That way one person doesn’t feel burdened with hosting every time. We rotate between homes in one of my writing groups. And if someone needs to bow out at the last minute for some reason, another member quickly jumps in to fill that roll. There are only five of us, so it’s a close-knit group.

Think of other places you can meet, or groups you might want to start.

In response to a prompting I felt from the Lord, I started a small women’s group about a decade ago. We met at my home the second Saturday of every month and arranged occasional get-togethers with the family members in our backyard. Grilling, swimming and dining on S’mores made over an outdoor fire pit are quick ways to form friendships! The group last seven to eight years, and we opened our hearts to one another and formed special bonds. We studied the Bible together and prayed fervently for one another. When one of us had family issues or faced illnesses or death, we circled the wagons around one another for support.

As you read this post, does anything come to mind that you’d enjoy or think you’d like to start? Pray about it and about the people you think the Lord would like you to be-friend or gather with.

He knows best what your needs are.

Next week we’ll look at two more ways to bolster friendship building.

Until then, check library bulletin boards, community center activities pages, and Google search for meet-up groups in your area. You’ll probably be surprised to find the number of activities that will spark your interest.

Blessings,

Andrea


Andrea Arthur Owan is an award-winning inspirational writer, fitness pro and chaplain. She writes and works to help people live their best lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

How to Build Friendships: Taking the Whole Person Into Account

In this over-saturated, social media-driven world, we are finding ourselves lost, lonely, depressed and needing to return to the basics of life. (Anyone remember the song with that title by 4Him? I’ll supply the link at the end of this post.)

Building friendships and having a rich life—

First things first—

When you’re looking to make new friendships, deepen old ones, or considering whether or not a friendship has run its course (yes, that does happen), the first thing you can examine is you.

Take your whole person into account.

You’ll want to take a deep, introspective look at the five components of you, as a human being. Those components are:

Physical
Intellectual
Emotional
Social
Spiritual

These five components are needs you have. Needs that—when addressed and enriched—can provide you with a healthy, well-balanced and happy life.

To get started, you might ask yourself the following questions?

What is my current physical (health) state, and what do I need to do to improve or maintain it? What kind of physical activities do I enjoy and does my body respond positively to? What physical activities enhance my other needs?
How can I stimulate my intellectual side and keep my brain and cognitive functions active and as young as possible? (Physical activity is important for this too.) Would I like to learn a new language? Learn to play a musical instrument? Take a gourmet cooking class? An art class?
Would I make new friends and receive more social stimulation if I join a fitness class or a local hiking or cycling group? Would museum memberships or outings stimulate my brain? What about book clubs, or newcomers club if I’ve recently moved to a new area?
Is there a fellowship or Bible study group I could join that would enrich me in multiple areas—intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual? A volunteer position?
Is there something you and a current friend can do together? A friend of mine has a weekly, standing lunch date with another friend of hers. Sometimes they sit for hours and chat while eating. Gathering around a meal is one of the best ways to learn about one another and deepen friendships.

This same friend and I had a marvelous day at the zoo on the first day of spring this year. I’d been lamenting the fact that my boys were grown and gone, and we would no longer celebrate the first day of spring together with a “spring fling” day, when I’d give them the day off from home schooling, and we’d hit the zoo and swings at a local park.

But while languishing in my self-pity, the Lord reminded me that I wasn’t dead yet and that I could still celebrate spring fling day with a friend. We had a glorious time together, and ALL of the animals (except the rhino) were out on full, happy display for us on the gorgeous first day of spring. It was truly a day made in heaven! I even took pictures and texted them to the boys. “You’re at the ZOO!” came the return texts. Sharing the day with them that way resurrected some sweet memories for them. And I made a precious new one with a special friend!

It was a stimulating day physically, (3 weeks post-surgery, I hobbled around in a knee brace), emotionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually.

A win-win all around!

Your turn—

Spend some time this week meditating on which areas/needs you’re not meeting and jotting down some ideas that could get you going in meeting them. Really take your whole person into account.

And here’s that YouTube video of the song—

Next week we’ll talk about getting out there and finding places to gather.

Blessings,

Andrea

Are Your Standards Higher than God’s?

Most of the stories the group members relayed were full of anguish and turmoil. Pain heaped upon pain. And as I listened to them tell their stories, a couple of thoughts crossed my mind.

It was clear that some had told their stories before. Many times. And a few of them seemed to enjoy telling their stories. I wasn’t sure if they went on and on because they were nervous, or they wanted or needed to be heard, or they had gotten so accustomed to the attention they received when telling the story that they craved it, had become addicted to it.

Certainly, being Christians, they expressed joy in the Lord, and gratefulness for His salvation. But the peace He promises seemed to be missing.

And then there was the shame. The deep, profound feeling of shame they projected over their weaknesses, failures and hurts they’d caused others. Some had confessed their sins and turned from their evil ways decades ago, and yet they still wept over their behavior.

They seemed to focus more on their shame and sins than they did on the dismantling and destruction of their chains. Their cleansing.

They still struggled with feelings of unworthiness.

While they possessed the head knowledge of their new lives in Christ, they clung to the pain and sins of their old lives. They identified them.

They didn’t focus on being a new creature.

They forgot that when God forgives sins, He will remember them no more. As far as the east is from the west is the distance God has removed our transgressions from us.

They didn’t seem to want to let go.

They weren’t going through the process of renewing their minds.

And they were beating themselves up about it.

In short, it comes down to what Dr. David Jeremiah told a young lady who just couldn’t get from the God-forgiving-her-stage, to forgiving herself,

“So your standards are higher and better than God’s?”

Wow! That’s looking at through a different lens, isn’t it? And He’s right. When you stop and think about it, it’s ludicrous what we project onto our loving, tender, long-suffering and forgiving God.

Does all of that sound too familiar?

Can you picture this scenario?

Jesus tells you: “Your sin is forgiven, but I’m going to be banging you in the head over it for the rest of your life. Just so you don’t forget how awful you are and awful your sin was, and how much you owe me for My sacrifice and salvation.”

Can you imagine Him doing that to you?

Well, he doesn’t and He wouldn’t.

So why do we act as thought He does?

It’s becoming more painfully clear to me that so much of our mental, emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical anguish is self-inflicted. And it shouldn’t be that way. In fact, I think it grieves our Saviors heart to watch how we punish ourselves, and others who have also asked for and received forgiveness for their confessed sins.

How about you?

Are you stuck in the self-infliction pattern?
Have you set higher standards than God has for you?
Are you continuing to beat yourself up over some failure you confessed and know you’ve received forgiveness for?
Is your behavior threatening your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health?
If so, what will you do to change your attitude and behavior this year?
Do you need to confess to Him that you’ve been punishing yourself and seek forgiveness for self-harm?
Do you know anyone who needs encouragement and maybe some enlightenment and correction in this area?

My prayer is that we can all take the Savior at His word, rest in His peace and joy, walk through life with a light step, and reject the self-incrimination that can bind our hearts, minds, emotions and actions.

Let’s make sure we allow God to set the standards for our lives!

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien

BLOG SCHEDULE NOTE: As 2019 has dawned, it became clear that, in order to complete my memoir manuscript this year and prepare it for publication, and complete all of the writing set before me, that I would have to reduce my blog posting schedule.

To accomplish that, Free-for-All Fridays will be reduced to once-a-month posts, which will be published on the first Friday of each month.

So I’ll see you back here the first Friday of February, which happens to be the 1^st!

Until then, walk lightly, and be forgiving—of yourself and others.

How to Start your New Year with a Health Self-Assessment Instead of Resolutions

Well, it’s likely that you’ve fully embraced your New Year’s resolutions and are hot on the path of pursuing them, you have them written down, or you have them tallied up in your mental storage.

But if you want to make life changes, is that the best way for you to start?

Instead of coming up with an endless list of resolutions, why not try a more focused approach, one that is more likely to bring you success.

Why not try formulating an annual overall health self-assessment first?

Advantages of first doing a health self-assessment—

Most people realize that the majority of New Year’s resolutions are abandoned with the first month of the new year. While there may be many reasons for that, an important one is that the resolution was either not carefully thought out or planned out.

There really was no solid basis for the resolution and logical path to follow to get there.

What is a health self-assessment?

With a self-assessment, you can gather the critical information to allow you to take a magnifying glass look at exactly where you are in life, identify the paths that need the most attention, care and adjustment and give you a guide for designing a change blueprint, making those important changes, increasing your chances of success and enjoying satisfying and effective life changes.

But what areas should you target in your assessment?

5 self-assessment focus areas—

Spiritual. While most professionals will list physical s the first category, I argue that your spiritual life is the most important one and the category upon which you structure and develop the other four.

Why is spiritual so important? Because a healthy spiritual life, with weekly church or religious organization attendance and involvement, has been shown to be a critical component in all communities where longevity and effective aging are the most successful. (We’ll explore this more when we talk about Blue Zones.)

Studies show spiritual health is associated with greater wellness. So if your aim is for wellness, why not use spirituality as your strong foundation? Something that involves more than just personal meditation (which is a critical component), or interacting with nature (also important).

My Meditation Mondays blog posts can help you with the spiritual category; but for now, make a personal assessment on how much time you spend—

Meditating
Praying
Attending church or a religious service
Gathering with like-minded friends of the same faith

Decide what you need (more Bible study, more prayer, engage with a local congregation) and take whatever steps are necessary to open and enrich your life to your spiritual needs and health.

Physical. Always focus on staying healthy, but make sure you fashion your fitness plan or program to meet specific goals.

Don’t be vague or general. Make a list of specific goals you want to meet. If you want to gain a certain cardiovascular fitness, decide what that fitness level will be and what it will take to reach it and maintain it.

What if you’re older and just want to aim for having more energy to run around with your grandkids, without having stiff knees or back, or couch-calling fatigue. What is it that’s driving you and the change or goal?

Knowing the specific answers to these questions will help you stay motivated and enjoy more success.

Intellectual. Make sure you devise a category, and activities, to exercise your brain and mental stamina.

Learn something new.
Play board games or crossword puzzles.
Study a subject you’re unfamiliar with.
Pick up a new activity. Exercise a different way. (Yes, this does trigger brain neuron growth.
Take a class at a local college or community college. Many colleges allow senior citizens to audit classes without charge.
Take an existing passion or skill to a new level. Improve upon what you already do or know.
Join a book or chess club, or conquer your public speaking fear by joining Toastmasters!

Social. This is another Blue Zone must—having a strong social network. We’re not talking a fraternity house number of friends, but a handful of really close people you can share your heart with. People who support and encourage and pray for you. Those you can call for help and rely on. People you can laugh and cry with, dine with, and live out life with.

Financial. Stressing about financial issues is one of the type 5 stressors on the life stress and depression-triggering list. It’s also one of the top reasons couples end up in counseling and divorce court.

So do the dirty (and probably unsavory) work of figuring out your financial status and what you need to do to improve it. While some of the changes you have to make may be drastic, like forgoing any dining out or downsizing from a spacious home to a cozy apartment. Purging the stuff you hoarded and stored in the garage. Living more simply.

These are not quality of life changes, but they might be quantity. Once you bite the bullet, so to speak, and make them, you’re likely to enjoy the simplicity and freedom you feel as you reduce your debt and feeling of being chained to work and monthly debt payments.

Decide what you want to do—like travel more, maybe—and draw up some plans and charts to meet that goal.

So start your 2019 right! Take the steps to really make this new year happier health-wise.

NEXT WEEK: We’ll take a quick look at the new fitness guidelines and talk about what they mean for you!

Until then,

Blessings,

Andrea

“Certainly there was an Eden….We all long for it, and we are constantly glimpsing it.” —J.R.R. Tolkien